More on Kenneth...

The last few weeks have been a blur. Last time I wrote you we were trying to get the name of the chemo drug we needed for Kenneth. Instead of detailing all of the emotional highs and lows over the last two weeks regarding his care, I will just simply bring you up to date. This will be kind of like the Cliff’s Note’s Version of the blog. If you remember, we were trying to find a particular chemo drug for Kenneth. And although we finally found out the name of the drug and even found a source from where we could buy it, we ended up being told that the drug would not work for Kenneth due to the high risk of serious heart problems as a consequence of some earlier radiation treatments.

There was another chemo treatment which they tried but again, the companion drug was not to be found. Jim and I looked for two days straight, visiting all the larger pharmacies, the hospital pharmacies and even a pharmacy that specializes in onocological drugs. We even had Susanna making calls for us in hopes that between all of us, we might find it. Most pharmacies had never heard of it, the onocological pharmacy said it wasn’t available in Nicaragua. The precious drug was becoming more precious and it was more elusive than the proverbial needle in a haystack.

The search went out for it in Costa Rica, Honduras and even Guatamala. The answer was it was not to be found in all of Central America. We then received the most devastating news of all. The doctors made the decision to discontinue his chemo since the companion drug cannot be found in Central America…there feeling is it wouldn’t be productive to continue. Then, the board of doctors at La Mascota met and agreed there is nothing more that can be done for Kenneth.

Our next step is to see if we can find the drug in the U.S and pursue having it brought down or if the doctors are completely closed to continuing with treatment. Sadly, it seems that is the direction we’re headed. There is such frustration with all of this…we had a team from our home church come down last week and if we could have just known all this before they came, Kenneth could now be taking the new chemo.

Now, let me say that just because this all sounds so factual…so cut and dried…don’t for one moment think this hasn’t been one of the most emotional and gut-wrenching things I’ve gone through for some time. I just can’t let myself go on this. I feel like I will fly apart. I felt like that when my dad died and again, when my mom died a few years ago. I will wake up in the middle of the night and wonder what can we do next, how can we cheat death for a little while longer? How far do we go? How many doors do we knock on and how many questions do we ask? How many times do we pose…”Isn’t there anything else that can be done?” When do we accept what to me is the unacceptable? How do we let go? When do I become unselfish enough to honestly and completely want Jesus to hold Kenneth in His arms instead of me holding him in mine?

Kenneth’s not of my flesh, but he is in my heart…and yet, the truth of it is my own heartache can’t compare to what Danelia and Arturo are experiencing. This is so hard and it’s so hard to watch. I sometimes find myself telling God this isn’t what I signed up for…and He gently replies that His grace is sufficient. And it is…I know it is because I know Him. And because I know Him, I trust Him. And because I trust Him, I believe that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him. Kenneth loves God, Danelia loves God and so do I. So although the way is hard right now, we walk by faith and not by sight and we know that when we come out on the other side of this, we will continue to praise our Lord and God. Thank you, Father, for the comfort of your Word and the sweetness of your presence through the Holy Spirit. Thank you, Jesus, for being our Hope so that we will never have to mourn like those who have no hope. Thank you, Lord, for never leaving or forsaking us.

Please continue to pray for Kenneth and his family.