More on Kenneth...

Started this yesterday…finished it this afternoon. That is so typical of things here now… seems so hard to get anything completed when planned!

I’m sitting here at my desk at CINAFE and my aim was to work on next week’s schedule of events as it’s going to be a very busy week. The problem is all I can think about is Kenneth. I thought if I could “talk” about him with you, then it would help me express some of what I’m feeling and maybe be enough of a release that I can focus on what I need to be focusing on today.

We had planned on going to Tipitapa this past weekend, even though I’ve taken this month off from teaching, but I wanted to go check on Kenneth. Saturday, Susanna e-mailed to tell us she was flying back to the States for Christmas that following Monday and to let us know Pixie was “available” if we wanted to dog-sit while she was gone. She asked if we could take her to the airport Monday morning so we decided to just wait to go to Tipitapa then to help save on our gas as the airport is on the way to Tipitapa. Sunday afternoon, Susanna called and said she was going to go with someone else so we decided we would go ahead and come in to CINAFE on Monday morning and work for awhile. We finally left here about 3:15 to head on over to Tipitapa.

Danelia heard our car pull up and came out to meet us. Her eyes filled with tears almost immediately. She said that she had made 3 trips to the hospital in the last week, with the latest being that morning. Monday’s trip was to try to get a good ultrasound test done. It was unsuccessful. It seems that the position they need Kenneth to lie in is also a position that causes him excruciating pain and so they said until he can lie still as they need him to do, then they can’t do the test.

I understand that they need him to lay still. What I don’t understand is why they can’t do something medically to help him do that. Maybe I’m just fixated on trying to alleviate his pain but for professionals in the medical field to be angry and frustrated with a little boy who has been diagnosed with terminal cancer, who is scared and who is crying out in pain and fear just seems wrong to me. But I’m not the only one who feels that way. His mama does, too, and my heart just aches for what she’s going through herself.

The doctors told her during one of the visits last week that they think the tumor is growing much more rapidly now and that it is pressing on the spine and on the intestines. That is one of the reasons he no longer has normal bowel functions. This only complicates things as he is immobile now from the waist down. But they want a good ultrasound to make a correct diagnosis. We all want that.

She told me that she is supposed to take him back to the hospital on Thursday or Friday. One of her brothers who has a car, said he could take them if he goes on Thursday but he can’t help them on Friday. I told her that we could come and get them if they needed to go that day. She told me that they would need to be at the hospital by 7:00 and that she was afraid that was too early for us. I told her not to worry about that…and then, I turned and asked Jim if it was okay, knowing that it would mean we would have to leave our house a little after 5:00 a.m. Jim is a saint, in case you all don’t realize it. He said it was fine.

Danelia told us that one of the doctors told her that he thinks the cancer is spreading further down the leg and that Danelia needs to watch for fever or signs of infection. She was shaking when she told me that Kenneth had started running a low-grade fever that morning and that his feet were swelling. But, she said that he didn’t seem to be having any pain. She expressed even more concern that she couldn’t get him to eat anything. The doctors had simply said to bring him back Thursday or Friday.

Danelia said she was scared. She said that she knows that God wants her to continue to trust Him. As so often happens these days, I joined her in her tears. I agreed that God wants that from all of His children. I also told her that God knows that we love our children and He understands her fear.

She said that she has decided that if they want to put Kenneth in the hospital, that she is almost ready to let them do that just so he will be more comfortable. She can’t bear seeing him in pain and trying to lift him and carry him without causing him pain is becoming more and more difficult. She is so torn as to what to do. She hates the hospital environment and I don’t blame her. Kenneth hates it too. It’s not a comforting place to be. But she knows that he can get care there that she can’t give him and that they can help keep him nourished.

She knows she would have to stay with him 24 hours a day there which would also mean that she couldn’t be at home with Lindsay. Neither could Arturo as he works 12 hours a day, 6 days a week and sometimes more. Lindsay would have to stay with Danelia’s mother and no one wants that as Lindsay does not do well being apart from her mama. Danelia’s mother has her own health issues plus she isn’t a very affectionate individual.

Life is scary right now for the rest of the family but it is also very unsettling for Lindsay…she understands enough to understand that Kenneth is really sick but I don’t know that she really grasps the entirety or the severity of the situation. She does understand that whatever is happening with Kenneth is bad as it makes her mama and papa cry when they think no one sees them. She has whispered to me before that “mama was crying this morning”. Danelia knows that being separated again from Lindsay would only add to both their anxieties.

As Jim and I stood and listened to Danelia, I so badly wanted to give such wonderful and profound words of wisdom and comfort & all I could do was cry with her. It was and is such a helpless feeling. I looked around as we stood at the broken down fence that acts as their gate. The dust swirled as the wind blew across their rutted dirt road. The rusty, hole-ridden piece of zinc that she had put across the front window of the school to keep the sun out looked even more sad and dilapidated as it sat tilted at a precarious angle. Celeste and Genesis, little girls who live a few houses down the street and are students at Rayitas de Luz, stood silently and somberly, watching us as we both had tears roll down our cheeks. The whole thing just seemed surreal as like conversations have so many times before.

We both wiped our faces in preparation to go in to see Kenneth. He isn’t unaware of what’s happening to him but neither of us want him to have to see “doom and gloom” faces all the time. She said she had moved him out to the school room as it was cooler and he could rest better out there. She said he was playing music...there’s not much else for him to do. He can’t get down on the ground and play with his toys. I know it’s difficult for him to hear the other children out running and playing when he can’t even move his legs of his own volition.

I walked in, expecting to see him lying down on the table that had often served as a makeshift bed before we gave the kids bunkbeds. I was surprised to see him sitting up and looking pretty good. He was in his wheelchair with his feet propped up on a pillow in another chair. He had a small guitar in his hands...someone had given it to Arturo to give to Kenneth. He greeted us with a smile and I asked him how he was. “Bien”. Fine. That was good. The last few visits had garnered the response of, “Un poco mal. A little bad.

I touched his bare feet. I was struck by two things. They were terribly swollen and they were spotlessly clean. Clean feet on children in Nicaragua are a novelty. But seeing these clean feet were more than a curiosity to be glanced at…they were visible signs of a little boy who can no longer live the life a little boy should be able to live. He can no longer walk to the bathroom, pedal his bicycle, run to the dirt mound and jump off, kick a soccer ball, climb in and out of his bed. The sight of those clean, bare feet stabbed at my heart.

There were two other things I noticed when I touched Kenneth’s feet. First of all, that he didn’t react. I touched lightly because I wasn’t sure if my touch would be painful to him or not. He didn’t even twitch. Maybe my feet are just very sensitive but if someone touches them with a lot of pressure or with little, I move. Kenneth’s feet remained absolutely still.

The other thing I noticed was that while both feet were swollen, the right one was noticeably larger and it was quite feverish. The heat ran up his entire right leg. The toes on his left foot were cold to the touch although from his ankle up, it became progressively warmer. I was hoping that was due to his feet being elevated. I asked Kenneth if he had any pain and he said no. But he was still dealing with the incessant itching on his back and around his waist. We were thankful that he was having a pain-free day regardless the reason.

I asked him if he knew how to play the guitar. He shyly shook his head no. I told him that I didn’t know either and I wanted him to try to play something for me. He grinned but again, shook his head no. We began talking about music, toys and cars. Boy talk. He would answer my questions but didn’t seem to want to talk much. Danelia had gone in to the house to sweep and to some things while we were there to sit with Kenneth. I realized how difficult just even doing her daily chores must have become with trying to balance a day full of housework and taking care of a sick little boy.

I asked Kenneth if he could choose anything in the whole world he would like to eat, what would it be? He shrugged his shoulders. I asked him, “Un elefante?” An elephant? He grinned and shook his head no. “Que?” What? I asked this almost with trepidation…what if he told me something that I couldn’t get for him? He smiled and said very softly, “Carne asada.” Grilled meat. “Carne asada? Le gusta?” Grilled meat – do you like it? He slightly nodded his head yes, still smiling. I asked him if I got him carne asada, would he try to eat some of it. His head nod was much larger this time.

About that time, Bayron, the little boy next door and Kenneth’s best friend, came over. He is very affectionate with me and will often pick flowers from whosever bush he can get them from or make me flowers from bits and pieces of things he finds and give them to me. But even when he doesn’t come bearing gifts, he always has a hug...which is of the gift I love most. I miss getting those hugs from my grandkids.

I have to laugh at how Bayron is with me. He sometimes will sit next to me and will just play with my fingernails as he is fascinated (as are most kids) with longer nails. Women in his barrio don’t have long nails as they wash clothes by hand on a concrete pila which would negate the thought of any kind of manicured hand. He will turn my fingers this way and that and closely examine my skin. He always tells me how “white” my hands are.

Or if he’s standing next to my chair, he will mindlessly play with my hair…he loves the silver in it. Silver sounds better than gray. Regardless how it’s defined, Bayron finds it very interesting and will twirl it around his fingers or try to separate the few remaining brown strands from the rest. I’m sure I must look quite a mess when he’s doing this but honestly, I gave up worrying a long time ago about being “put together” here. It’s no longer important to me but I do admit that I’ve wondered at times how much dirtier my hair is returning home from Tipitapa than when I arrive there.

Bayron is another little boy that we’ve been able to help some with medications. He suffers with terrible headaches and has been diagnosed with lesions on the brain as a result of being beaten by his father when he was small. He’s a terribly sweet little boy with a wonderful smile and he loves to teach me new Spanish words. He’s much more comfortable with women than men, which is understandable due to his home life. But I often worry about Bayron and his future. I’m glad he’s a student at Rayitas de Luz.

Danelia came out to see if we would stay with Kenneth while she went to get Lindsay from church. We told her we would and I asked her where close by that we could go buy carne asada. She said that there was a place but that it wasn’t safe for us to go there and that she could go get it for us. I asked her how much it was and she told me. I got in my purse and gave her enough money to buy carne asada for all of them and told her that was what I wanted her to do. She protested saying it was too expensive. I told her that if Kenneth would eat some of it then it was worth every penny. She gave me a nod, a smile and teary thank-you and tucked the money inside the waist band of her skirt and left to go get Lindsay.

Bayron and Kenneth are best buddies. Kenneth was the one who often looked after Bayron in the neighborhood and now, Bayron takes care of Kenneth. Kenneth’s countenance brightened measurably when Bayron came over. Bayron began digging in the old rice sack that serves as Kenneth and Lindsay’s toy “chest”, obviously searching for something. He pulled out ratty looking Barbies and well worn stuffed animals, cars with chipped paint or missing parts. Kenneth watched as each toy was pulled and would name the ones that we had given him. Not a one could qualify as “gently used”. Jim and I looked at each other and smiled. We were glad that he had enjoyed his toys so much.

Finally, Bayron found the little bag of Hot Wheels that he was looking for and gave it to Kenneth.  Bayron set up the little Hot Wheels stunt track that we had given Kenneth last year and Kenneth would choose which car was going to go down the track and when to let it go. Bayron played for Kenneth and Kenneth seemed to be as involved in the process as he could.  Before long, two other boys who looked to be about 6 and 8 years old and their mother came by to also visit with Kenneth and Danelia. She told me they attend the same church as Danelia and that she wanted to come visit with her for awhile. The two little boys joined in playing and we watched as the four of them laughed and talked about the stunt track and cars.

Shortly after that, Danelia and Lindsay returned. Lindsay quickly scrambled up on my lap for hugs and tickles. The boys continued to play and Danelia and her friend were talking. I thought for a minute how normal everything seemed…and then I saw Kenneth, sitting in his wheelchair and looking down wistfully at his friends playing with his toys and I realized how “not normal” it all was…and just how quickly this new “not normal” had become “normal”.

It was getting dark and we needed to go. We still had to stop by Miguel’s house to check on them. I treasure the time we got to spend with Kenneth “babysitting”. He’s so precious to us. It was a quiet ride home. We continue to pray God’s will be done in this situation. The words are easy to pray…the reality of how that may play out is much harder to face.

Un poco mal...

Move #24 is in process. I’m supposed to be packing but thought I would take a few minutes to try to recap the last few weeks for you. Moving seems to have dominated our life this past month. How many times have I said “I hate moving!”? If you ignore the times before I was verbal, I would guess at least 20. This move is no different.

We are once again almost in a state of limbo. We have to wait until our neighbors move out for us to move in. And I say that with such mixed emotions…I love our neighbors and I don’t want to see them move. I would almost be willing to stay where we are if they would decide to stay here…but the lure of much-longed-for family and the American way of life has won out and they will be leaving Nicaragua very soon. We anticipate being able to start moving in to their place in the next day or so and hopefully, that won’t take much more than two days to get everything moved and then, I am going to start the “nesting” process all over again. I don’t know how birds do it!

After living here for a month, we have learned somewhat the things we can “work in” to our smaller accommodations and those we will have to let go. I’m afraid the freezers are going to have to go. The old upright is currently serving as a shelving unit in the bodega (the enclosed open-air laundry room) and the chest freezer that I love is currently occupying too much of my precious kitchen space. Both are going to have to find other homes. We have talked about getting one of those really tiny little chest freezers just so that we can keep ice on hand and the occasional frozen foods that go on sale, but that’s a conversation to be continued on another day.

Let’s see…we just had company for a week. Sadie (our youngest daughter), Marc (her fiancé) and Brittni (Sadie’s friend from vet school) came to spend Thanksgiving with us and we had a very busy week. We made three trips to Tipitapa which is what I want to share with you today. We went once for Saturday English class (with 28 in attendance!), once to attend Kenneth’s little sister’s (Lindsay’s) graduation from preschool in to primary school (a 3 hour event!) and once for Lindsay’s 6th birthday party. Actually, our family took care of putting on the party, supplying the piñata, gifts, cake, soda, balloons, etc. but we had it at the Rayitas de Luz school inviting the neighborhood kids. Lindsay loved it! She was dressed in a princess outfit and she played the part to the hilt…she loved being the center of attention.

It has been difficult of late for Lindsay. She is finally old enough that she is very aware of the fact that Kenneth often receives more attention than she does and even though Kenneth’s cancer demands that attention, it’s still hard for a little six-year old girl to try to process what all of that really means. Rarely does she say anything, but Lindsay has become acutely aware of how she is impacted by Kenneth’s cancer and her child-like frustration became evident the past few weeks.

Two weeks ago, when it was time to have school pictures taken, Lindsay didn’t get hers because that was money that was needed to take Kenneth in a taxi to the hospital…he can no longer walk to get on the bus. We didn’t find this out until after school pictures. We have taken pictures for the family to have but it’s not the same. Lindsay was happy and her parents were very grateful but all recognized the fact that Lindsay appeared to be the obvious one who had to make a sacrifice.

Also, Lindsay was told she was going to have to miss out on her graduation as the family had no way of going and taking Kenneth. The three block walk would have been over badly rutted dirt roads and it would have been too difficult trying to push Kenneth’s wheelchair…the pain would have just been too much for him. Even though Lindsay understood why, her disappointment at missing her graduation was very evident in her tears. Thankfully, we found this out the day before and we were able to juggle some things around so that we could get everyone, including Kenneth, to the school on Sunday for the big event. We were even able to get Lindsay some new shoes to wear as her old school shoes had holes in them. I don’t know who was happier that day, Lindsay or her parents.

The other big looming disappointment was the birthday party. Danelia had told Lindsay that they just couldn’t do a birthday party for her this year as all their extra money was going to transportation and medicines plus various other items for Kenneth. That’s when the tears also were accompanied with the accusatory “why’s”. Why did Kenneth get a big party for his birthday and she couldn’t have one? Why could Kenneth have a piñata but she couldn’t?...plus, I’m sure, a litany of other questions.

We were there for part of that and seeing the tears in Arturo’s eyes as he tried to explain the adult answers to a child’s questions in terms that she could understand, was enough for me. That’s when I knew that we were going to do a party for Lindsay. Here’s the part that I want to reiterate to you…we couldn’t be helping pay for taxis, buy medicines, food, shoes, pictures and birthday party supplies without you. Jim and I feel so privileged to witness the impact you make on the lives of so many people here…I wish you could see it first hand for yourself.

Now, I’ve mentioned Kenneth a lot but haven’t directly addressed where he is right now with his cancer. If you read my Facebook entries, you already know. If you don’t, I will give you a quick rundown. Kenneth’s pain in his legs and lower back has progressed to the point he can no longer walk. After various x-rays and sonograms, his pediatric oncologists said that the tumor in his pelvis is beginning to grow again and is now pressing on nerves. His bowels are no longer working as they should which has added another dimension to Kenneth’s care. This is due in part to his medication and in part to now being immobile. We are continuing to seek ways to help Danelia cope with this latest development. He continues to battle pain and nausea and both have caused a decrease in his appetite.

The pain medication is obviously a double-edged sword. It does help in keeping Kenneth’s pain somewhat manageable but it is loaded with side effects and taking it in conjunction with his latest round of cancer meds has opened up a whole new world of challenges along with the things I just mentioned. He has an itchy rash now that he mindlessly scratches until raw. I always fear infection and check his rashes every time I’m there. He’s often either very lethargic or the other extreme of being very agitated and short-tempered. His frustration with being held prisoner by legs that no longer work and pain that makes its presence known takes form in unpredictable mood swings. Kenneth still tries on occasion to give me his sweet smile but more and more, when I ask him how he feels, the smile no longer appears and he answers with “un poco mal”…a little bad. That is devastating to hear coming from him. He says a little bad but it’s obvious he is in pain.

Kenneth’s prognosis now? According to the doctors, there is no hope. According to God, there is always hope. And so we do. Our hope is in Christ, as is Danelia’s and is Kenneth’s. I know God has put this family in our lives for a reason and I don’t want to waste or trivialize one moment of what they are teaching us. These latest developments with Kenneth have come much sooner than we had thought. We were all on board when Kenneth seemed to be in remission and the doctors said the tumors were no longer visible in his chest. We all tried to ignore the “inconclusives” that we kept getting on so many of his tests. We all kept hoping that the leg pain that had returned was due to over-exertion from playing too hard or riding his bike on those bumpy roads. Even the doctors wanted to look for bladder infections and kidney infections to explain away the back pain. But that doesn’t seem to be how the book on Kenneth’s life has been written by his Author. Right now, I’m not sure how I feel about all of this. I guess I would have to say, like Kenneth, “un poco mal” and trust God with my own pain.

Oops!

Okay...somehow, things didn't post as I had planned.  So, regarding the posts below about our move...The Move is the first part and then The Move - Part 2 is posted right below it.  Hope you can figure it out...but I'm thinking it's going to be much simpler for you to get it right reading it than it was for me trying to get it posted!  Sorry!

The Move...

NOTE: I wrote this on Wednesday, November 3, 2010 but then we lost our internet capabilities and am just now getting it posted. So…here’s a quick update even before you read the blog…which is probably a little like putting the cart before the horse…but we now have internet, hot water in the showers and the stove is hooked up. Now…you can step back to last week and what I have just written will make more sense after reading the following blog.

It’s time for me to catch everyone up on what’s been happening here. Life has been very busy for us since our return from the States…it was hectic when we left but it has been crazy since we returned. I’ll try to bring you up to speed.

Tipitapa: The foreman of the construction project at the school in Tipitapa has been down for almost 2 months now with shingles plus some other infirmity and is in a lot of pain. Not only is that a problem for him, but it has been a problem for us. We had waited hoping that Adrian would be well enough to return but it looked like that wasn’t going to happen for some time to come. Danelia and her family knew that we wanted to get back on track so several weeks so she asked her brother Anibal to take over the completion of the project. That was almost one and a half weeks ago but we had a sudden change of plans and didn’t get to go to Tipitapa last weekend, so we don’t know if there’s been any more progress or not. I’ll explain our change of plans later.

Kenneth: Kenneth needs your prayers again. He has been experiencing an increasing amount of pain in his lower back and left leg over the last few weeks and when we were there last, he was unable to walk without assistance. Jim had to almost carry him to his seat in the classroom because he didn’t want to miss out on our English class. His face was etched with pain but he still managed his sweet smile when asked how he was. This is so heartbreaking to see. After class and when most of the children had left, I sat down next to him and asked how he was feeling. He said in a very soft voice so that the other children playing nearby couldn’t hear, that his leg hurt. I thought I was going to cry right then. Those tears came later.

After the remaining group of kids got busy playing, Jim and Arturo sat down and began to talk about the construction project. Since they were right by Kenneth and could attend to him if he needed something, Danelia and I moved our chairs out back of her house where her outdoor kitchen once stood…it is still a mess from the construction, but it was a shady place to sit and it offered us some privacy to be able to talk…although “privacy” as we know it seems to be a foreign concept here. Danelia began telling me that in the past week, Kenneth had lost his appetite and was not wanting to eat and that he was having trouble using the bathroom. She said he would wake up crying at night due to the pain and that it was so hard to see him suffer like that. That’s when my tears joined with Danelia’s. Her fear and frustration were contagious and for a little while, all talking stopped and we simply just sat and cried together. We both agreed that sometimes, that seems to be all we can do.

Once the tears had lessened, we then began to have the same conversation we have had so many times before…that God has a plan, that we have to hold fast to our faith, that He is sovereign over all and that our responsibilities as Christians do not change even though our circumstances might. I don’t know if it was the fact we had cried ourselves out for the time being or if it was the fact that we were putting voice to the truth, but either way, we both began to gradually feel God’s peace coming over us. He is faithful to be our Comforter just as He had promised.

Our time ended with me praying with Danelia. Usually, she asks only for prayers for Kenneth but this time she asked that I would also pray that God would strengthen her faith for the coming days. She said she wanted to be strong and accept with grace everything that God was going to bring to them because she knew that the neighborhood was watching. There is so much superstition about illnesses that still exists here and Danelia has had to suffer accusations of unconfessed sin and even being aligned with Satan. She knows all too well the importance of showing Christ regardless the situation. It’s just that the possibility of losing Kenneth is a situation of far greater magnitude than hurt feelings from thoughtless words thrown by uneducated neighbors. And Danelia knows this is a walk that she cannot make without the hand of her Savior leading her. I think right now that she wants the strength to hold His hand as tightly as He is holding hers.

Kenneth had several more appointments and had additional testing done this week at two different hospitals here in Managua, but it appears that the doctors are still guessing as to what is causing this increased pain in Kenneth. They have given several possibilities…kidney infection, bladder infection, strained muscles and finally, the one we all were dreading to hear…the possibility of a tumor. They gave an antibiotic and an anti-inflammatory along with more pain medicine and said that they wanted to wait and see if it was just an infection or inflammation of either the bladder or kidney. If he’s not better next week, they said they want to do more testing. I don’t know what else they really can do.

I struggle so much with the lack of good medical care here for the poor. The doctors do their best but so much of the equipment is old and outdated and often is not working properly. I’m also not so keen on many of their methods for treatment. The words “hope”, “encourage” and “faith” are rarely heard and if someone is to utilize any one of those, they are going to have to do it on their own without assistance from the medical world. So…once again, I am asking you and all your believing friends for prayers for Kenneth. Please help us in carrying this need before our Great Physician. Our flesh desires healing but the Spirit in us reminds us that we are to pray for God’s will to be done. I’m praying they are one and the same.

CINAFE: We came back to lots of challenges at CINAFE. Some of the children had been acting out while we were gone and things had risen to a higher level of chaos than that which normally occurs with 15 children living together. We were bombarded with problems when we drove through the gate and it seems as though life is just now starting to return to normal there. Well, as normal as it can be when we’re also in the middle of trying to put on 3 different quinceañeras at the same time for girls at CINAFE…it’s like trying to put on 3 simultaneous wedding but for girls who will be turning 15 years old! That’s a lot of hormonal activity to deal with, believe me! The grand event is this Saturday afternoon and I’m sure all of the adults at CINAFE are going to join us in one gigantic sigh of relief when Sunday finally comes!

The most recent “big news” for us personally has been our unplanned move to a temporary place this past weekend. Without a doubt, this is a story of God’s Hand of provision and protection. You know we’ve been tossing around the idea of moving for awhile now and we had come to the decision we would do so at the end of November, when things had calmed down some for us at CINAFE and in Tipitapa. But God’s timeframe proved to be different than ours. I hope I don’t confuse you with all the different names in the following. If you have followed our time here, most of them will already be familiar to you.

On Wednesday (the day before we had planned to give our 30 days notice to our landlady), when we came to work at CINAFE, Felix (our old day guard who now works at CINAFE) asked if he could speak with Jim and me. I asked him to wait just a few minutes while we got settled in and then honestly, I got busy and totally forgot all about talking with him. Sometime later, Felix appeared at the screen door to our office, acting very nervous and he had a very serious look on his face. I invited him in and apologized for not speaking with him sooner. He said he had something important to tell us. At the time, I wondered if he was not happy at CINAFE and was going to quit. But, his news had nothing to do with CINAFE.

Felix said that the day before, he had gone to a neighborhood right next to ours to pick up his wife’s pay for the ironing she had done that week. He always goes to picks it up or goes to meet Blanca so that she does not have to ride the bus by herself with a “large amount” of money. While in that neighborhood, Felix was talking with one of the security guards who knew he used to work for “gringos”. That guard warned Felix that Eddie, one of our former night guards who has been implicated in several prior robberies in our neighborhood, and a friend of Eddie’s, were planning on committing an armed robbery of our place that next Saturday…just a few days away. The guard said that Eddie would often come by and talk to him and that he probably didn’t realize that this guard also knew Felix.

The guard said that Eddie knew that we are gone every Saturday to Tipitapa and that he and his friend would have only our new day guard (Miguel, our friend from Tipitapa) with whom to contend. Eddie had told the guard he was talking with exactly where on the wall they were going to get in and that they would have the gun with them in case they had any trouble. The guard knew that Eddie was thought to be the one who had committed the other armed robberies in our neighborhood but didn’t want to call the police because he thinks Eddie is too dangerous. After all, Eddie carries a gun and most of the police don’t. Actually, sad as it is, that’s pretty good reasoning. The police are generally only effective if you cross a solid line while driving or if you don’t stop before crossing a line…of which neither apparently need to be visible to the naked eye. But I digress.

Felix took the news from the guard very seriously as he also knows Eddie. When he was sharing all of this with us, his hands were shaking. He said that three other security guards in our neighborhood were friends with Eddie and that they had covered for him when the police would come looking for him. He was fearful that if Eddie tried to do something that no one would do anything to stop him. He also asked us not to say anything about him warning us as he did not want Eddie coming after his family as retribution.

Jim and I just sat there stunned at the news. Felix said we needed more guards and maybe even guards with their own guns. At that, I snapped to and immediately said, “No! No guns!” Felix normally will be quiet if I contradict him in some way, but not this time. He then said that he had an uncle who was a police man and he would call him and see if he or some of his police friends could help us. I smiled at Felix and told him that I didn’t want to involve his family and thanked him for the offer. But honestly, I didn’t want to take a chance on bringing a fox in to the hen house, so to speak. Felix then said that he would come back to work for us on his days off from CINAFE until we could move at the end of November. Another offer that was appreciated but not at all practical – for him or us. In between his various offers of solutions, he kept saying very emphatically, “Doña Lynne, it is dangerous for you and Don Jim to stay there anymore.”

I looked at him long and hard and knew that he was right although I didn’t want to admit it. Even if we were able to defer Eddie this time, the neighborhood has changed so much this past year with so many negative things happening that it would just be a matter of time until someone, if not Eddie, would break in and we would once again lose our electronics or worse, someone might get hurt. I couldn’t bear the thought of that. But neither could I bear thinking about the fact that our only good option was to move up our moving date to the next few days. I wasn’t emotionally prepared for that and all that I knew it would entail and I could feel my eyes filling up with tears.

I looked at Jim and asked, “What are we going to do?” I wanted him to tell me it was going to be all right and that Felix was over-reacting. Instead, he said, “I think we need to leave.” That’s all it took for the dam of tears to break. Jim immediately said, “We’re going to be okay,” and Felix said, “I am sorry, Doña Lynne but you need to be safe.” Both of them thought it was the threat of a possible armed robbery facing us that brought those tears. But it was more than that. It was the fact that I wasn’t ready yet to move. I wanted to pack on my terms, I wanted to leave on my terms and I wanted to love on my animals for another month…on my terms. Sitting very still and listening to Jim and Felix tell me again for the umpteenth time that it was the best thing for us to do, I realized I had no terms. 

I know this is long. So to keep it from becoming even longer, I’ve divided it up in to 2 blogs. Obviously, you know we are okay or you wouldn’t be reading this, right? So, that may be enough for you. If you want to follow the next few emotion-packed and exhausting days after we had that bombshell dropped on us, you can read it in the blog above.

The Move...Part 2...

NOTE: I wrote this second part about our move also on Wednesday, November 3, 2010 but then we lost our internet capabilities and I am just now getting it posted. For chronological posting, read the blog below first. 

I love different houses, I love decorating, I love “nesting”…I’m not so crazy about moving. I had told Mandy that I had moved 18 times in my life. I was wrong. I had forgotten several moves when I was a baby and a couple during my college years but after writing down each move, and including the upcoming move at the end of this month, I will have moved 24 times. That’s too many times for someone who yearns to be “planted”.

When I had talked about this with Mandy & Jim while we were Stateside, I said then that I wondered if Sarai ever cried out to Abram…”I just want to settle somewhere! I want to put down roots!” If so, I think I understand a little of what she might have felt. My hat is off to any woman who had or has to live a Bedouin lifestyle. Maybe God keeps moving me so that when that day comes that I get to my “mansion” in heaven, I’ll know I am finally home and I can settle in for good.

By Wednesday afternoon, Move #23 was just a few hours away. After Felix left the office and I got most of my crying out of my system for the time being, Jim and I sat and discussed all of our options. We came to the conclusion that moving early really was the “best” choice of all the lousy ones that we had before us.

Our first call was to David and Sherah, the couple whose condo we will be moving into the end of this month. We wanted David to contact the landlord at Quinta Allyson (the gated complex where they live) and ask if they had a unit available. He told us to come right over and we could go talk to the landlord. When we got there, the landlord wasn’t there but his sister was and she said there were two empty units that had just come available. David had already told her that we would be moving in to their unit at the end of the month and so she said that she would allow us to just go ahead and rent a place for the same month’s rent that our monthly rent will be in the new place. Typically, they charge several hundred dollars more per month for renting a place for any time frame less than a year. She told us to come back the next day at noon and they would have the unit cleaned and ready to go and we could sign the contract.

The next phone call was to Susanna to see if she would accompany us to act as a translator for our visit with Doña Sara – our landlady. That was a visit none of us were looking forward to making. Susanna has dealt with her in the past and I think she was dreading it as much as we were. And, the visit was almost as unpleasant as I had feared. Doña Sara immediately was very unhappy that we were moving and let us know that she was going to keep every penny of our last month’s rent and our deposit. She said it was a terrible time of year to try and rent the house and that she needed more time to do so. She felt we were being very inconsiderate even though we had explained why we were leaving on such short notice.

Her son, who is a Harvard educated lawyer and speaks English, was also at the meeting. He was sympathetic to our reasons for wanting to move but deferred to his mother at every turn. They both impressed upon us that if it was just the security issue that was prompting us to leave that they had friends who were government officials very high up in the government and that they could help us with protection. We thanked them but said that we thought that it was best that we go ahead and move. That’s the last thing we need at this point is to get involved in owing favors to someone in the government here.

Obviously, Doña Sara is used to getting her way and so she tried another tactic. She said she would drop the rent by $125 a month and we could use that money to help pay for 24 hour armed security but we would have to sign a contract to stay two more years. My “No” wasn’t just clear, it was adamantly clear. And even though I was very respectful when I said it, I’m sure that didn’t help our case any.

By the end of our meeting, Doña Sara would not allow us to have our last month’s rent back because we did not give her 30 days notice that we were leaving (which was true, reasons why aside) and our deposit was also hanging in the balance depending on how her “walk-through” of the house came out. She said that she would be at the house at 12:30 on Monday afternoon to do the final inspection. She stressed that in order to get our deposit back that the house must be in the same condition in was in when we moved in. We should have known this was a set-up statement. She has not been honest from the get-go. I was sick. We needed that money to help soften the blow of the upcoming move.

After the afternoon of meetings, we returned home to begin packing. Susanna came over for a couple of hours and she got my dishes and books packed up before she had to leave. I began packing all up our bedroom and office things while Jim started in the spare bedroom closet. We both were staying very focused on the tasks at hand and tried not to talk about what to us was the elephant in the room… our pets - Xander, our much-loved dog and our cats, Skits and Snoops.

Jim and I made the decision to not tell our families or friends what was happening. We knew they would only worry and we didn’t want to burden them with that. But I felt that we needed to let someone know so that night, I called Jackie, our Missions Director at our home church, First Baptist in Cassville. I knew we would be out of touch for the next few days and I also wanted someone to be praying protection not only for us, but for our employees as well. I explained the situation and she encouraged us saying that we were making the right decision in going ahead and moving. She let me share my concerns but continued to tell me that what we were doing was the right thing and then she prayed with us. I want you to know that was a cherished prayer. I can’t even imagine what my life would be like today without the prayers of godly people like Jackie Hendrix.

Xander sensed that something was wrong and he was very agitated and nervous, staying under my feet practically every step of the way. He knows he’s not supposed to be on the bed and he kept putting his front paws upon the bed and stretching the top half of his body across it. Telling him to get down did no good. I would have to stop what I was doing, walk over to the bed and physically lift him off. Normally, if I would have done that, he would have wanted to wrestle and play, but that night, he just wanted to be loved on. I don’t know how many tears covered his coat that night.

Thursday, we began packing again. Susanna returned mid-morning and we loaded up her car, our car and the borrowed pick-up of our friends in Ohio, Karen and Dwane and headed over to Quinta Allyson so that we could hand over a hefty sum of money and sign a year’s commitment to rent. The list of rules and regulations covers a full page but what I kept reminding myself was that it would be a safer place for us to live than where we were. When Rafael, our new landlord, spoke about having pets, I could feel a lump rise up in my throat. We then drove on over to our new “home” for the next month. It turns out that the unit is right next door to the one we will be moving in to so at least the next move won’t be far and won’t require so much packing and unpacking.

Jim and I spent the rest of the day Thursday filling action packers, suitcases, boxes and totes. We made several trips over to the new condo and by that night, we were beat. It didn’t seem like we were making much headway. Where, when, how and why did we get all that “stuff”??? I realized how imprinted we are with being Americans. We love our “stuff”…it brings us comfort and makes us feel secure. Moving to a smaller place which will not comfortably accommodate all that “stuff” is definitely going to force us to pare down some and that’s not a bad thing at all.

Doña Sara’s brother came by and tacked up a “For Rent” sign on the place. All the neighbors, on our street and behind us, were well aware that we were moving and the security guards in the neighborhood watched our comings and goings with great interest. We wondered if word would reach Eddie. That was our last night to sleep in the house. It was a fitful night. I wish I could say I slept well in the condo but I didn’t. My mind was too filled with things to think about.

Friday morning was clear and the view was stunning. I thanked God for allowing me to enjoy that beautiful view one more time from my favorite spot on the deck. Skits was rubbing against my leg and Xander was pawing at him trying to get him to play. It was a moment I wanted to last forever. My heart hurt every time I thought about not having them with me anymore. But there wasn’t time to dwell upon that for too long. It was the day to move the big “stuff”…all the furniture.

Felix took a vacation day from work so that he could join Freddy in helping us move. The boys worked like machines, stopping only to eat lunch. Friday night, when we were through moving for the day, it was decided that Felix would go ahead and take Xander home with him that night. None of us wanted to take the chance of Eddie coming by at night and possibly hurting him. I knew I couldn’t go say good-bye to him and I cried like a baby when Jim, Freddy and Felix left the condo to go pick Xander up to take him to his new home. It was a very sad night at our place.

Saturday came and Miguel, Freddy and Felix met us at the house. No one said anything about Eddie that morning but I am sure he crossed everyone’s mind at some point. Jim had to go take care of some business at CINAFE and I continued to pack things up while the boys loaded the car. Right after Jim left, he called telling me that he had seen Eddie next door at the neighbor’s house. He warned me to be careful and to tell the guys that he was next door. I did and from that point on, they wouldn’t let me out of their sight. I couldn’t even go downstairs to the basement without one of them coming with me. It was really quite touching that they were so committed to making sure I was going to be safe.

Evidently, Eddie must have had second thoughts about trying to rob what was obviously an almost empty house. He hung around for most of the day next door and then left right before the guys made their final trip for the day. It was almost an anticlimactic end to the day but not a disappointing one, that’s for sure. We don’t know if Eddie had planned on doing anything or not and I don’t suppose we will ever know. What we do know is that God protected us, our employees and our animals and that’s what mattered.

So, in summary. Doña Sara refunded our deposit but not our last month’s rent. Xander is now living with Felix and I have yet gotten to the point I can talk about him without crying. Skits and Snoops were left behind after much prayer and discussion. They started out as wild kitties and they retain much of that in their personalities. Snoops is a good hunter and Skits can hunt if he has to do so. They are best buddies and brothers – they need to be together and both are outdoor cats. They know their area and there are places for them to find shelter. We are gone most of the time during the day and neither would do well locked up in a condo all day without anyone here with them. I believe it was the right decision albeit a painful one. More tears. I do believe I have cried more in the last two and a half years here than I have in the previous two and a half decades. Maybe it’s because I’ve had to say so many good-byes since God called us to move here. I don’t know.

The temporary condo is serving us well or at least it has in the six days and nights we’ve been here. While it’s true that we don’t yet have internet or television and we’ve been taking cold showers every night (we finally got our hot water “widow makers” installed today), it does seem to be more peaceful here. We have amenities here we would never have had staying in the house. We had a downpour last night and there wasn’t one leak in any of the rooms! The stuff in the open part of the bodega got soaked but that was due to poor arranging, not a poor roof.

My stove still isn’t hooked up but Jim bought the necessary parts today so that may happen tomorrow and I do have just about everything unpacked thanks to late night and early morning hours. Jim went in to CINAFE and I stayed home to get laundry done and to keep unpacking. Margarita came today and cleaned the floors and helped me rearrange the bodega which was really helpful. We’re slowly settling in for as much settling as a person can do while knowing there is another move coming up in less than a month.

There are several things that have really hit home with me this last week. First and foremost is God’s provision for us and His protection over us.

We are also very thankful:

• to have gotten word of the planned robbery with enough time to avert what appeared to be imminent danger

• there are prayer warriors who were faithful to carry our concerns before the Lord for us

• that we were able to borrow Karen & Dwane’s pick-up truck

• that not only was there a place available for us to rent, but it is right next door to where we will be moving…which also enables us to give a month’s trial period to find out what we need to have and what we can get rid of here

• the condo complex appears to be a safe place to live with good neighbors, many of whom are here also serving in missions.

• Doña Sara returned our deposit…it’s not everything we had hoped for but it’s more than we thought she would do

• there are people who aren’t the type to say, “Call me if you need help,” but rather are the type who just show up and help…such a good lesson for us to learn ourselves

• God has placed so many wonderful Nicas in our lives…they far outnumber the few “bad eggs” we’ve encountered

I could go on and on with how God has blessed us…and I don’t think God would mind a bit…but I do think the blog would be even longer than usual so I will stop for now.

Someone asked me this past week if I was ready to move home. I’m assuming they meant back to the States. I have to say that at this moment, the only move I’m looking forward to making is to my Laura Ashley suite in the sky but I would imagine there will a few more earthly ones between now and then!

The words for today are...

I WILL TRUST IN YOU

Written by Danny Daniels

When I can't see You, I know You're here

When I can't feel You, I will not fear,

I will trust in You and I will not be afraid.

And when the battle is close at hand,

I know You're with me to help me stand

I will trust in You and I will not be afraid.

I will not (I will not), Be afraid (be afraid)

I will not (I will not), Be afraid (be afraid)

I will trust in You (I will trust in You)

I will trust in You.

And when the darkness is closin' in,

And I am running against the wind,

I will trust in You and I will not be afraid.

'Cause when I'm standing upon the shore

And all the battles have gone before,

I will trust in You and I will not be afraid.

The Battle Resumes...

We’ve been back almost a week now and the battles have resumed!  But I want to assure you that our God is so merciful and we have seen how He freely pours out His grace and His blessings upon His children! We not only continue to see His loving hand upon us here, we were blessed beyond measure during our brief time in the States. Some of the ways we have recently experienced the Lord working:

• He gave us safe travel both to and from the States as well as all the times we were on the road to go see friends and family. We flew in between tropical storms which inundated Nicaragua with torrential rains that resulted in lots of damage and loss of life for too many of the already impoverished people here. We returned to find our home dry and intact…nothing short of a miracle with all the rains the country experienced in our absence.

• We were astounded and humbled by the generosity of so many of our brothers and sisters in Christ during our visit home. Because of this giving, we are moving forward on getting bars for the school in Tipitapa and will be able to have the concrete floor and walls smoothed out. We will also be able to buy tables and chairs for the kids and a desk and locked cabinet for Danelia… and a fan for me! Whoo-hoo! I was also able to bring back some Spanish Christian books for the children which I ordered before going to the States plus I hope to be going to a book sale Wednesday afternoon at the Nicaragua Christian Academy to see if I can find some other books for the children at Rayitas de Luz. Jim and I just can’t thank you all enough for supporting the Rayitas de Luz school like this.

The septic is ready for the top

• Speaking of the Rayitas de Luz school…the heavy rains prevented the completion of the septic but it is so close to being done! The large concrete top has been made – and will be placed on top of the septic in 3 sections as soon as the ground is dry enough, to be moved in to place. Thankfully, they had covered the huge pit with black plastic during the rains so that Danelia didn’t end up with a 2-compartment in-ground swimming pool! I’m pretty sure that the children are anxious to begin the flushing marathon! Plus, I’m also quite sure that Danelia and Arturo will be extremely thankful to be able to use their newly constructed shower instead of having to bathe from a bucket. I marvel at Danelia’s acceptance of the mess the construction process has made of her yard and her home…I don’t know that I could have been nearly so patient or so gracious.

Our first class in the new building

Serghi is the little boy on the left in the red shirt

• Even if there are still a few things in the works, we know the school is making a difference in the neighborhood. One of the little boys, Serghi, told Danelia that his mother doesn’t want him to come there anymore because he’s learning things about Jesus and she doesn’t believe that he should do that there. Serghi is about 6 years old and wants to continue to come to the school even though his mother thinks we are of the devil and have come to disrupt their lives. If she means the disrupting of selling and using drugs, the disrupting of being unfaithful to spouses, the disrupting of physical, sexual and emotional abuse, the disrupting of lying, stealing, and slandering etc….she’s right! We have come to disrupt that life and bring to her and others in the neighborhood, the hope of a transformed life in Jesus Christ! The mother told Danelia that Serghi can’t sit at the same table as Kenneth or in any chair where he’s been sitting as Kenneth’s cancer is a punishment from God. Danelia told me she doesn’t want this woman to be part of the school or even for Serghi to come to class but I told her that we know that what the woman said isn’t true and that if Satan weren’t afraid of what was going on, then he wouldn’t be stirring up trouble. After we talked a little bit, Danelia acknowledged that she knows that Serghi needs to be in class and that we have to show his mother who Jesus is by the way we react to her hateful tirades. We KNOW even more so now than ever before that this is exactly where we’re supposed to be working and it is because of all of you who support us in this that we can continue in this. The spiritual war appears to be ramping up there and so we would ask for your continued prayers as we are called to show Christ to those who want to oppose His work there.

Kenneth & Lindsay enjoying their gifts

• God continues to be faithful to Kenneth and gives him the strength each day to get up and even go out and play with his friends. The x-rays still don’t show any tumors but Kenneth has been experiencing more and more pain which has migrated down his legs and into his knees again. The doctors gave Danelia two options…put him back on the stronger chemo regimen in spite of his allergic reaction to it and in spite of the potential for more damage to his internal organs or continue with the current regimen and “hope” for the best. She has chosen a third option in continuing with the current regimen and praying God’s will for Kenneth and the family. I’m pretty sure God has put His stamp of approval on #3. Kenneth is to go back in November for more testing. I would ask you to continue to pray for our special little guy.

• Not only did our home stay dry and intact during our time away, neither did we suffer any break-ins, which unfortunately, several of our neighbors did. I often pray that God will camp His angels all around our wall and I don’t doubt for a moment that they do indeed stand guard and at the ready to intervene, if necessary. God also used the recent break-ins to motivate me to get on board mentally and emotionally with the advice of so many who have urged us to go ahead and plan on moving the first of December. So, move we will. An added note to these break-ins is that we found out it was one of our former employees (who worked for us for a short stint as our night guard) and that he and a friend used a gun to enter a home during the day, beating the maid and robbing that house and the one next door to it. We are giving thanks to God for protecting our employees and our home from this situation.

• While in the States, we received word that there were so many “bad” things happening at CINAFE and it caused us both concern and frustration. I expressed that frustration to Mandy, our daughter, with tears and more tears. Upon our return, we discovered that what we had learned was just the tip of the iceberg. At some point between the time we left and the time we returned, I realized it is not my job to be the “fix-it” person (an impossible task anyway) but it is my job to carry those needs before the throne of our Lord. We continue to see Satan attacking in every way he can think but we are not willing to relinquish these children or this work to him and so we continue to pray and see God’s guidance and we praise God for His faithfulness in keeping our children safe there. Of course, we would welcome anyone who wants to join us in praying for CINAFE…we need all the bent knees we can get!

• And now…I want to tell you how remarkably God provides for our needs here. I have told you that we will be going ahead and moving to a condominium in a gated community the first of December. And I’ve also told you (and anyone who would listen!) that I didn’t want to make this move. I have been so worried about our employees and our pets as we can’t take them with us. We will probably keep Margarita but most likely cut her down to just 2 days a week after we move. But I’ve been worried about our security guards…Day and Night Felixes and our gardener, Freddy. Jobs are so hard to find and I’ve been crying to the Lord, “What are our employees going to do?” “How can we feel good about moving and knowing that these people are going to lose their jobs?” “What about our dog, Xander? Who will take care of him? Who will love him?” God has begun to give me His answers. When we got back from the States, we learned that one of the security guards was dismissed and that there was going to be a job opening up this Friday. Although we were both very sad and disappointed at losing the guard there, we also immediately thought about Day Felix. He’s dependable and honest and we think the world of him. He takes such good care of us and is always looking out for our safety…he even said himself that he thought we needed to look at moving! He’s also one of the primary people we’ve been concerned about not having a job so we were overjoyed that this opportunity presented itself. We talked to Karen and Dwane and asked them what they thought about us recommending Felix to our director and they were very supportive of that. So, on Monday, we did that and then talked to Felix. He was so sad when he found out that we would be moving to the condo as he knew immediately that he would no longer be needed. We explained the situation to him about CINAFE and he was so appreciative that we had recommended him for the job. On Tuesday, he interviewed for the position and Raquel agreed that he would be a good fit there. Today was his last day with us. I have to tell you that although we are thrilled that Day Felix will have continued employment, we are beyond sad that he will no longer be working for us. We hadn’t planned on losing him so soon but when we saw this opportunity for Felix, we told him we thought that he needed to go ahead and take advantage of it. He was very worried about what we were going to do for a day guard for the next 7 weeks (and so were we!) but I told him that we thought he needed to worry about taking care of his family first and he reluctantly agreed. Although we all know that this is the wisest decision for him to make and is obviously a provision from the Lord, today has been a day filled with tears. I know we’ll see him at CINAFE, but there was just something about giving him his final pay and telling him good bye that brought us all to tears. He thanked us over and over again for everything and we did the same. I hate good-byes. Always have and always will.

So, God took care of seeing that Day Felix had work…but what were we going to do about our own security for the next month and a half? God had that already taken care of for us, also. Miguel (in Tipitapa) still doesn’t have steady work so we drove over there late Monday afternoon after we initially talked to Felix. We told Miguel about the situation and asked if he wanted to work for the next 7 weeks for us as our day security guard. He said he would think about it and let us know today. I was somewhat taken aback by his reaction but also realized that it is a long distance for him to travel by bus each day. Felix had already told us that if Miguel didn’t want to do it, that there was a “brother” in his church that Felix thought would help us and Felix said he was a very honest man. We had asked him about his own flesh and blood brother and Felix said he didn’t want to trust us to him! But, I heard from Miguel late this morning and he said he would work so he is to be here at 8:00 Friday morning. God has provided yet again so that we won’t even be one day without a security guard.

Oh, yeah…this part is so good, too! Don’t ever think for a moment that God doesn’t care about the perceived “little” things in your life…He does. Felix was thrilled when we asked him if he would take Xander! That was the only smile we saw from him in regards to this whole thing! He and Xander have become such good buddies and Felix’s little boys love playing with him. I cried again when Felix said that he wanted him…he knows how much I love that goofy dog. He said he would take good care of him. I told him I wanted to keep him until it was time to move and he said that was fine. So, we have Xander the Wonder Dog for a little while longer.

Felix also told us that there are several other people who have asked Freddy to come to work for them but he’s not wanted to do so because of working for us. We will talk to him tomorrow and tell him about what’s happening and even though we’ll go through the sadness thing again, I will feel better knowing that he already has two other people that he works for and can easily pick up other work if he wants it.

So, that leaves Night Felix and the cats. We will talk to Night Felix tonight about the upcoming move and we are praying he will stay with us until it’s time for us to move. We are also praying for him…that although he’s not nearly as dependable as Day Felix, we do want him to be able to provide for his family.

The cats…this is going to take another work of the Lord to take care of them. I know nothing is too big OR too small for our God and so the prayers continue…both petitions and praises. It’s true that the battles here have resumed but it’s also true that we are so encouraged to see how He’s at work in all these situations.

So…what’s He doing on your end?

Dedication Day...

I should be finishing up packing but thought I would get this written really quickly. We have to get up at 3:30 in the morning as Susanna is picking us up at 4:30 to get us to the airport for our flight back to the States. I’m not looking forward to the alarm going off that early…I just am not a 3:30-in-the-morning kind of gal! But knowing the payoff at the end of the day is going to be seeing Mandy, Jack and the kids waiting for us at the Tulsa airport makes it all worthwhile! It’s a short trip (2 weeks) but we plan on enjoying every moment we get to spend with our families and friends.

Wanted to give you a brief update on the addition at Danelia’s…it’s not quite finished but it does have walls, floor and a roof so we’re now on the downhill side. We were hoping it would be done by now but the torrential rains that we’ve had the last month has really hampered the building process. The bathroom and septic still need to be finished and the doors and windows need to be installed. There are some other things that we would need to get done but it shouldn’t be long before the kids are actually able to use it for their classroom.

Dedication Day...about an hour before the service began

We had a dedication service on Saturday and invited the neighborhood. It was a hot day and folks were slow to come out but we ended up with over 50 people in attendance. We had hoped for more than that but several of the Zona Francas were working that day and that meant that a lot of the parents were working which also meant that kids were on their own…a good reminder of why we’re doing what we’re doing there.

Jennifer reciting a poem about Nicaragua

Danelia planned the program and the kids sang, danced and others shared their talents. A local pastor came and had a short service and the vice mayor of the city came and gave a speech of support for what we’re doing there. She is the one who waived all the government permits for us so that we didn’t have to get bogged down in the process of trying to get the building erected. I was so leery of that at the time just knowing how this government functions, but she has held true to her word and has allowed all the work to continue. She was Danelia’s first grade teacher so I’m sure that helped sway her to decide to help us with this. Both the pastor and the vice mayor expressed their appreciation for us “investing” in that little barrio and the people who live there…it’s not a high-profile place, that’s for sure.

The pastor thanking God for His blessings

There were others who spoke, and other entertainment. One of the ladies told me that she played the flauta (flute). When she told me that, I was really surprised as I just couldn’t picture someone in that neighborhood having access to a flute or access to music lessons. She told me that she used to be a Catholic and that their church at the time had a woman who taught her how to play. I asked her if it was difficult to learn and she told me it was. She said she wished she had more time to practice but because she normally works 6 days a week (she had taken that day off for the celebration), she just doesn’t have much time to play.

As she spoke, I just kept picturing my friend, Jo Ellen who always mesmerizes me with her flute playing. Well, a little bit later, Danelia invited this lady to come up front and as she walked, I was excitedly anticipating the music I imagined I would hear. She turned around and it took me a second to realize that what she held in her hand was not a beautiful silver flute but rather, a cream colored plastic flutophone…like the kind that so many children play in elementary school. I realized that was the “flauta” that she was about to play.

I am ashamed to say that my expectations for beautiful music weren’t very high at that point. But God is still faithful to put me in my place when I so desperately need it and that moment was no different. As she began to play, she played each note very deliberately and separately but shortly after beginning to play, the most magical sound began to come from that little piece of plastic and by the time she was finished, I was ready to throw roses and shout encore! True, she wasn’t at all close to being on the same level as Jo Ellen and her silver flute but God obviously did something to that music between the time the note was blown and the time it reached my ears because what my ears heard was some very beautiful music. And now…I’m ready to try to add a music “class” to the curriculum at the school. I can just see 25 little flautists flutophoning away and calming the savage beast in all of us!

After the ceremony, Danelia served everyone a late lunch of vigarón…boiled yucca, shredded cabbage, tomates, chiles, vinegar and salt and chicharrón…fried pork rinds…real ones. This is a traditional Nicaraguan dish and is typically eaten with the fingers. Not only am I not a 3:30-in-the-morning kind of gal, neither am I a pork rind aficianado. I have eaten this dish at Danelia’s before but just couldn’t do the pork rinds again…so I ate the rest of the food and thankfully, Susanna likes pork rinds, so she helped diminish the quantity of them that lay conspicuously off to one side of my plate.

All in all, it was a great day…a long one but a fun one. We would have liked to have the building completed for the celebration, but even though it wasn’t, there was plenty of hope and excitement for what God has planned for that neighborhood and we are so thankful to be part of what God is doing there.

I want to thank you for helping to make this dream become a reality whether you are supporting us with your funds or your prayers…both are necessary. Thank you for your giving to this project because you are building more than a concrete block structure…we believe you are laying the foundation for increasing God’s Kingdom in that barrio.

Well, I could sit and share so much with you but I need to finish packing and 3:30 is going to come early here. I hope my bedroom light will wake up the neighbor’s anemic rooster… it would be nice if I beat him to the punch for a change.

See many of you very soon!

Moving on...

Will we ever get to settle in one place? It looks as though we have a move on the horizon. I hate moving. I hate the process, working out the logistics and most of all, I hate the good-byes. I told some friends recently that I wondered if Sarah ever felt like this when Abraham had her pack up and move.

Moving always seems to involve loss and I guess I have to admit I’m a sore loser…especially when those kind of losses involve loved ones, friends and/or pets. This move will see us saying tearful good-byes to three of our employees, our cats and our dog. And that is such a painful thought that I can’t hardly bear to dwell upon it.

We will be leaving this house that I absolutely love and moving to a condominium in a gated community the first week of December. This is what I have absolutely not wanted to do but circumstances have been pushing us more and more in that direction until we feel that it is our best option at this time…and it’s not necessarily a good option on some levels.

Our next door neighbor has hired 24 hour security guards and they are from a professional guard service which means they are armed. This is the first guard they have had in the two years we have lived in this house. They have also moved their Rottweiler to the back yard so we’re assuming that they’ve had some sort of problem just recently.

Then, someone in the lot directly behind us decided to join the other two houses back there and began to construct a frame for a new house right up against our security wall. They built on a high place so that it would enable anyone to just be able to climb on their roof and they could easily just step over our concertina wire on top of the wall and jump down in to our yard or climb down the platano trees. That made us realize that our security wall was no longer quite so secure.

The empty lot across the road from us now has 24 hour security as well. It is owned by the bank and they have hired two guys to keep an eye on it and to keep squatters from settling there. The guards have put up a plastic lean-to type shelter and cook outside as well as use the great outdoors for their restroom facilities. Not a great view from our perspective and I’m not sure how it’s much different than when the squatters move in.

We’ve also been looking at our own guard situation. Our night guard is a nice man but he’s not at all dependable. Jim has caught him sleeping again and it is not that unusual for him to just not show up for work. It is so hard to find someone who is trustworthy and dependable. We hear stories all the time about folks who have either been robbed directly by their own security guards or they were complicit in allowing someone else to do the robbing.

Periodically, we try to assess how we’re doing economically and we have been talking about how we might be able to cut back on some of our expenses. All of the above things combined with this issue is what brought us to make this painful decision. We both asked some of our friends who we know are our great prayer warriors about their opinion on this and almost without a doubt, they came back with the same answer that we had already been coming back to time and again. We needed to move.

We talked about just trying to find another house but then we realized we would be facing pretty much the same issues that we have here. Security and financial. Even if we should find an impenetrable place, we would still be paying out an awful lot each month in wages and that wouldn’t help our budget any. We just kept coming back to this same place.

I love our view here and I love our house. It has been perfect for us. It is much cooler up here than down where the condo is and the neighborhood initially appears to be a bit better here…but it’s not staying that way. It’s a fairly quiet area most of the time but in the past year, we have had some acts of violence occur right just on the other side of our wall.

Our neighbors in the big house next door usually have an all-night party at least once a month. They had another big shebang Saturday night that lasted until about 5:00 Sunday morning. They had a DJ and a mariachi band. The amplifiers were turned all the way up and the music was so loud that we couldn’t even hear our tv or have a regular conversation. It actually made things in our house vibrate. We shut our bathroom and bedroom windows and turned all three fans on in our bedroom in the attempt to muffle the noise a bit but it didn’t help much. If that wasn’t bad enough, they began shooting off huge fireworks at 1:00 a.m. These were so loud that they literally shook our bed and lit up our bedroom! They must have set off at least two dozen of them. As I lay in bed, I thought that maybe moving wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world after all. Pulling all-nighters at our age isn’t much fun.

Now the down side of this decision…we will be losing three of our employees as we will no longer need our two guards or our gardener. This is where it starts to get really difficult. Night Felix has six children and although it’s true he’s not dependable and I don’t have complete confidence in him, I still feel badly that we will soon be putting him out of work.

But that doesn’t compare with how I feel about having to let Day Felix and Freddy go. These two Christian men are so dear to us. Freddy has been with us since shortly after we arrived. He’s so good to help us when we have something unusual we need him to do and we have helped his family a lot the last couple of years with everything from paying for medical situations to helping them with shoes and food. The only thing that gives me any peace at all is that I know Freddy is still working for Susann 2 days a week and for our old landlord 1 day a week. He’s a go-getter so I’m praying he will find work to take up the slack we will soon be imposing upon him.

The thought of letting Day Felix go is awful. He is so loyal and extremely trustworthy. He has been with us for a year and a half now and he is our go-to guy when we need to know or get something. He has helped us in so many respects and I consider him a friend as much as an employee. He has two little boys and he’s such a good daddy and husband. I am so worried about what will happen with Felix when we have to let him go…jobs are so hard to find. I am going to ask you to please pray for these people that God would bring even better employment opportunities for them so that they will continue to be able to provide for their families.

On top of having to tell our wonderful employees that they will soon be out of a job, we are also going to have to decide what to do with our pets. The cats were just tiny kittens when we moved here and their mother and brothers and sisters moved on a long time ago. These two boys, Skits and Snoops stayed around and adopted us. They are such good kitties, especially Skits, and I’m just not sure what to do with them. We could try to move them both to the condo but it’s in a much more populated area than where are now and right off a very busy road and I’m just not sure how they would acclimate. I had the thought of them getting out in the road and getting killed. Keeping them inside is not an option. Both have claws and both are used to being outside kitties. I am sure Skits would love to be inside but he would also want to have the freedom to be out when he wanted. The option of leaving them here is also not much of a choice. Even though Snoops will disappear for a few days at a time, he always comes back and is ready to be fed and that’s part of the worry…these cats are dependent on us to feed them.

Xander is another huge issue. What to do with him? We’re hoping that Day Felix might take him because Xander knows him and likes him…and Felix knows how to handle him. But we also know that Felix won’t and isn’t able to take care of Xander the way that we do…he will become a thin, mangy Nica dog and that breaks my heart. Plus, I have to confess that he’s just part of the family and is used to living well. He’s used to lots of hugs and pats, playing with his toys with us and chewing on his chew bones. That would all stop. But taking him with us is not feasible. There’s no way to make Xander a condo dog and there’s no yard to keep him in. Xander will have to go also.

All of that “letting them go” business is enough to make me sick at my stomach and sick in my heart. I just keep praying that God will give us a clear answer and clear assurance that they will all be okay but right now, I don’t know how that will happen.

So, all that being said…I hate the thought of moving! But, the place we’re going to move to is not all bad and we think we’ll be much more secure there. It has 24 hour guards and is a gated community. No one who doesn’t live there comes in without having to leave their ID at the guard house. It also has a security camera and guard dogs. There is a high wall that goes all around the complex. It is not a huge complex but is large enough that it will provide a nice, secure area to get out and walk in. We’re both excited about that prospect. We’ve not been able to do that without worry since we moved here. The complex also has a tennis court, a playground area and a swimming pool. Not sure that any of those pose much interest to us.

This complex is one that is one that doesn’t keep empty units for any length of time due to the security factor and the size of the condos. Most are pretty small here but in this complex, the units are a little larger. There are a lot of missionary families who live there. And most of them are young with small children so the noise factor will certainly be there but I don’t think it’s going to be as disturbing as the fireworks, gunshots and mortars that we hear on a regular basis now. In the small cul-de-sac type area where we will be living, there are also folks from Korea and there are Nicaraguans. The landlord does speak some English which Jim is happy to hear. Our next door neighbor on the attached side of the condo is a young couple with a two year old little boy and she is expecting another baby in a few months.

We are actually going to be moving in to a condo of some friends of ours who will be going back to the States. It is a 4 bedroom, 3 bath unit although the bedroom downstairs is used by them as more of an office area and I’m sure we’ll do the same. Their condo is a little different than the others in that they closed off an open area upstairs last year in order to make it into a small bedroom for their new baby girl. Although the condo does have more rooms than does our house here, the rooms are much smaller. Even so, I think we’ll be able to fit our furniture in it if we move a few things around a bit.

Downstairs on the ground level, is a small living room, the eat-in kitchen, the study/bedroom with a walk-in closet, a bathroom and a nice sized walled-in laundry area that has bars across the open roof area. Upstairs is an open area in the hallway and three bedrooms. The master bedroom is small but it has a built in wardrobe and its own bathroom. The spare bedroom also has a walk-in closet plus its own bathroom. The other room upstairs is the created bedroom…it’s a small room but is big enough for a twin bed and can also be used for storage if necessary. There is a small deck off the master bedroom that overlooks the parking area…not much view from any of the windows. That’s a real negative compared to where we are now. The yard is non-existent…just a small little patch of grass in front and there is no covered parking which will be miserable during the rainy season.

Our friends had bought 4 ceiling fans and installed them in various rooms in the house, including the kitchen and the living room and they also put in a small window air conditioner in the small room upstairs. They are going to sell all of those to us which will be nice to have. The two bedrooms upstairs also have built in window air conditioners that come with the condo. I think I’m more excited about the idea of a ceiling fan in the kitchen and living room than I am an a/c in the bedroom but I’m sure that will probably change this next March and April when it’s so hot here. The showers already have widow-makers in them so we’ll have hot water showers and not have to buy more widow makers. The kitchen is a little short on cabinets but my kitchen here is, too, so I’m sure I’ll manage with what I’ve got.

The plan right now is that our friends have to be out by November 30th and they are flying home just a few days after that. Because they have a team in during that week to help them get ready to leave, they will be staying their last few days with the team. We are hoping our landlady will let us stay for the first week of December and just let us prorate the rent. That would give the condo maintenance people time to clean and paint whatever needs to be painted (and with 4 kids, I’m sure there’s got to be some touching up to do) and give us time to move without trying to do it as a marathon event.

So, that’s what we’re looking at in the next few months. We’ve not said anything to our employees yet and won’t do so until the time is closer as we will need them to stay with us until it is time for us to go. Since the move won’t take place until the first week of December, we will be obligated to pay all of our employees their 13 month wage plus severance pay and holiday pay along with their regular pay. Believe me, that all adds up to a chunk of change! Adding that to the usual first month’s rent, last month’s rent and security deposit that the condo complex requires, this is a sobering thing to think about financially. We’re praying our current landlady will be honest enough to return our security deposit here to help a little with the expense on the other end but neither one of us have high hopes as she’s not honored her word in any other aspect of our dealings with her. Even with the expense we’ll be facing moving, Jim says we’ll still be better off in the long run. Although the condo’s rent is higher than here, what we’ll be saving each month in wages for the three fellows will make it a more sound financial move and that’s not even touching upon the peace of mind we’ll have for safety and security.

So, I know we’re going to be making the right move…it’s just not going to be an easy one. We would really appreciate it if you would please pray for timely jobs for our employees, good homes and protection for our pets and favor with our landlady so that we can make this move with causing the least amount of pain or hurt possible to anyone or anything else. We have some rough days ahead of us in the next few months once we begin making these decisions known. Thank you for your prayers.