One Christmas Card...

This is something I just posted on my Facebook page and thought that I should go ahead and put it on the blog as well.  I would be very grateful if you would share this with others you may know who might want to  participate in this simple yet very special ministry.  

I have a HUGE favor to ask of all my Facebook friends.  You know how at this time of year you always hear about someone who is battling cancer who would like to receive Christmas cards?  Well, I have just found out that the wife of a guy I went to high school with (yes, that was years ago!) has Stage 3 colon cancer.  Mike had asked his daughter to send a Christmas card to Cynthia as they don't think she is going to make it see next year's Christmas.  The daughter has ended up making a FB page called One Christmas Card (you can check it out and read the story yourself) and is asking for folks to just send Cynthia a card.  She is NOT asking for donations or gifts or anything other than for a Christmas card to be sent to Cynthia.  Could you maybe do this?  What a wonderful gift you would give to someone you don't even know...and we know Christmas is all about giving!  It doesn't even have to be a new or fancy card...but if you could do this, I would be so grateful.  Jim and I are going to try to send a card from here and hope it gets to her on time.  I am going to give you her mailing address...oh, and she doesn't seem to know why she's getting all these cards so please don't mention that Mike's daughter is behind this.  Also, if you don't want to sign your names, you can do it anonymously or even sign it with Mike's name!  Isn't this a beautiful and simple way (as well as inexpensive) for everyone to come together to bring a little bit of joy to someone's life?  Thank you so much!!!
Her name and address are:

Cynthia Flaherty
274 North Fish Haven Road
Lake Ozark, MO
65049  

I believe that I know and love some of the most generous and kind-hearted friends on the face of this earth and so I am looking forward to knowing that Cynthia is going to have an inundation of Christmas cards...please remember to pray for Cynthia before you mail the card and if God should bring her to your mind at other times, I know that Mike and Cynthia would appreciate your prayers of intercession on their behalf.

Aaargh!!! Cranky over car repairs....

Car repairs make me cranky!  Or maybe it's the need for car repairs that makes me cranky.  Or...maybe it's the car repairs that never got repaired that make me cranky.  Or maybe...it's figuring up how much we've spent on car repairs that had been completed, that remain to be completed and that were just completed today.  Whatever...I'm a little cranky tonight and the majority of the crankiness centers around our vehicle and all those who have been associated with it the last three months!  Maybe that's why I've not gone anywhere the last two days...cranky missionaries aren't what any of us want to be - or see!   :)

As of tonight, the car's a/c appears to be fixed. The other repairs still remain to be re-repaired by the mechanic who supposedly repaired them in the first place!  And the billfold is empty.  Guess what we are getting each other for Christmas this year...and our birthdays and our anniversary?!  At least I won't have to spend any money on wrapping paper...and I suppose we've helped do our part in making a couple of car mechanics' holiday season a little brighter.  Just doesn't feel like a particularly great way to start our first week back...

Looks like we'll have to wait until next week to try to get back to the first mechanic's place to have him work on the car again.  We got a call tonight from Susanna saying that Kenneth has an appointment at La Mascota early in the morning so we won't be able to do anything more with the car's issues tomorrow.  And I'm thinking we probably are going to miss our pot-luck Christmas dinner at our pastor's house as tomorrow will most likely be a long day and I won't have time to fix anything when we get home...plus, we'll most likely be tired and sticky after a day at the hospital and in the neighborhood. 

I'm looking forward to getting past these rough patches in re-acclimating to life here.  Three months in the States and I'm conditioned to expect things to go pretty much as scheduled and for people to do what they say they will do.  I have to remember I'm in the Land of Nothing-Goes-as-Planned and living in the City of Good-Intentions-But-Not-So-Hot-Follow-Through!  Saying it's a quick and easy adjustment is a stretch for someone who loves to plan their work and then expects to work their plan!  

These are just minor irritants in and of themselves...I think it's when they're hitting one after the other like falling dominoes that my frustration level grows.  

I don't want to end this on a negative note so let me just say how terrific the weather has been the last two days!  Beautiful skies, lovely breezes and daytime temps in the mid to upper 80s with night time temperatures down in the mid 60s!  Glorious!!!  And...there's always next week to look forward to now, isn't there?   

Back in Managua...

Our travel day back to Managua: Mandy took us to the airport to see us off. We were so grateful that our four cases all came in under the maximum weight limit. We had to buy a new suitcase this trip home as the old one had reached the TSA’s maximum allowable weight on duct tape on a suitcase! At least that’s what I told Jim, anyway.  It has been several years since we had to buy luggage so we were both a little shocked by the prices they were asking for a fabric covered version of a Radio Flyer on end! But, after much searching and a last minute shopping trip, we found a Samsonite that I’m hoping proves to be baggage-handler proof for at least a handful of round-trip flights. I’m not too worried about it being gorilla-proof as I’ve not seen any actual gorillas slamming luggage marked “Fragile” on the beltway.



This is the first time in several years that we have been able to fly out of Rogers for less than out of Tulsa and it was so nice for Mandy to not have such a long drive home. Because we arrived at the airport early, we were able to sit and visit for awhile before we had to go through security. The time chatting together was wonderful but the good-byes are still heart-wrenching. I always try to brace myself to not break down and cry and I always fail. I’m sure that every-time I go through the security checkpoints that the TSA officials must think I’m grieving…in some respects, they are right.


For some reason, our flight was late arriving so we were late taking off. It was not an issue for us as we had a 4 hour layover between flights but I know there were some on the flight who were very concerned about the delay. We had a very entertaining and very attentive steward on our flight who was named Boudreaux…I’m guessing he was from Louisiana. He seemed to go out of his way to speak with each passenger and to appear sincerely concerned for our comfort. That probably wouldn’t bear much notice except when we saw him later in the concourse at Houston, he remembered us and made a few sentences of small talk, asking where we were going, etc. I appreciated the personal exchange in this venue, which is by nature, a fast-paced, non-personal world all its own. So kudos to Boudreaux and those rare few who are like him!


The 4 hour cushion between flights proved to be a blessing. My knee held out but I obviously wasn’t up to any power-walking and so it was just so nice to not have to rush from one gate to the other…naturally located at opposite ends of the airport! We stopped along our hike and ate a late lunch at Panda Express and then found our departing gate. We each had our Kindles and so we read until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer and I took a short nap…trusting Jim to nudge me if my mouth should fall open or I should begin to drool. Never felt any nudges but my throat was a little dry when I woke up…


Our flight to Managua was also a bit late to board and it was completely full. Our seats happened to be on the exit row which didn’t give us any more space width-wise, but did give Jim a little bit more knee room which made it a tad more comfortable for him. We got out on the tarmac and seemed to be sitting there longer than normal. Finally, the captain came on the p.a. and told us that we were overloaded and that he would need to burn off some more fuel before we could take off. I prayed that it wasn’t our stuffed-to-the-gills carry-ons causing the problem and that he would know how much to burn off and how much to keep for the flight! 


There were 3 North American men, all traveling separately, sitting directly behind us and two of them sat and talked together throughout most of the flight. The young man in the center seat was a Christian and he had engaged the gentleman on the aisle seat in conversation. Most of it was focused on the guy in the aisle seat explaining about his business in Nicaragua and how it benefitted the Nicaraguan people. He is somehow involved in a Zona Franca…which are nothing more than giant sweat shops…long, long workdays, lousy working conditions and ridiculously low pay. I think I would have to disagree that he benefits the Nicaraguan people…I tend to think most of the employees who work there tend to be exploited and not benefitted.


The young man in the middle seat asked lots of questions and they were very relaxed in their conversation when the young man began telling the other man why he was going to Nicaragua. He was with a small medical team who were going up north to do some free clinics. He then told him that the reason he was doing that is because he wanted to show the love of Jesus Christ in a very practical way. The aisle guy got very quiet. The middle man (so to speak) also told the aisle guy that God had a plan for his life and then began sharing the gospel with him. Jim and I smiled at each other and we both began to pray silently for the holy encounter going on behind us.


As we were nearing Managua, I realized that the young man sitting by the window had not participated in any part of the conversation going on in the seats next to him. I glanced back at him several times (the 3rd seat has been removed on the exit rows so it allows for an open space there). He held a book like he was reading it but it was obvious he wasn’t. He closed it up and began looking out the window as we were low enough that we could start seeing lights in some of the outer areas.


I turned toward the man and asked him if this was his first visit to Managua. He smiled and told me that it was his second and that it was for business purposes. I asked him if his business kept him in Managua or if he was able to travel to other areas of the country. He told me he would be staying mainly in Managua and the Masaya area but would someday love to come back with his wife to just visit. He told me where he was staying and that the company he was working with was very good to have someone available to pick him up and they assign him a car and chauffeur. We chatted for just a few minutes and he asked why we were going to Managua. I gave him the Cliff’s notes version of the “why” (I can be brief when time is of the essence!) and he got a really funny expression on his face. About that time we were landing and so I turned around and faced the front as Managua landings are notorious for being a little rough. This one did not disappoint.


I asked Jim for one of our business cards and had him write our current cell phone number on the back of it. I then turned around and gave it to the young man and simply told him that if he should find himself in any kind of jam or needed any help, to just give us a call. He looked shocked and then very pleased and then thanked me. I just smiled and turned around and silently prayed for him. I was pretty sure that He doesn’t know the Lord. During that brief conversation, we never introduced ourselves. Not sure why, but God has brought him to both Jim’s mind and mine several times during the past few days. I figure God has a reason for us to be praying for him and so we do. Hopefully, one day, I’ll bump in to him in heaven and find out why.


I wrote a little bit on Facebook re: Day 1 and our car problems. I’ll try to summarize it pretty quickly here: a friend used our car while we were gone and the car decided it was an opportune time to begin to fall apart! She took it a mechanic who was one of those” friend of a friend” guys and who was supposed to be really good and was giving a great deal besides. Not so convinced. Yesterday was the first chance we’ve had to drive it since our return. What we found was that the a/c no longer works, the RPM gauge has quit working (which goes along with the non-functioning gas gauge and speedometer – both of which quit the last two times we were Stateside!), one of our belts squeals horribly, the front door locks will unlock themselves every few minutes, the windows weren’t rolling down or up when they were supposed to do so and the back door won’t unlock.


Yesterday morning, after we had our quiet time, we went out on the balcony off of our bedroom since it was cooler outside than in…we had lost electricity and as a result, had no fans and no coffee. The fans are a must when it’s hot but the coffee is close to crucial year round. While we were sitting there, Eddie, one of the complexes handymen saw us on the balcony and greeted us. I asked how he was doing and he said fine…and then when I asked how his baby girl was doing, Eddy walked over to stand just below us. He told us that she had an operation last week to have two cysts removed from her eyelids and that she will have to have another surgery before long to remove one off the other eye. He said she was doing very well and he thanked God for that. He also thanked us for asking about her and said that if we needed any work done in our house, to just let him know. At the time, I didn’t…but he did have to come today to replace a washer in my kitchen faucet. That type of repair is included in our rent but I gave Eddy just a little money since I just wanted to bless him. He was so grateful and thanked me several times.


Back to yesterday…I have to admit I wasn’t giddy with excitement as we left for lunch yesterday. The issues with the car were just so frustrating. Jim and I went to Pizza Hut to eat where we could get our cheapo $8 for 2 meal…of course that now $8.25 meal doesn’t include our drinks or the $2 special on cinnamon sticks but still, it’s a very reasonably priced meal all in all.


As Jim and I were sitting in the booth waiting for our waiter to come take our order, we were talking about how routine everything seemed to be. I told him that I had always been excited about returning to Managua before but that this time, I felt more resigned to it and that maybe we weren’t supposed to be coming back. (Remember I told you how hard it was for me to leave this time?) I said that I wished I knew for sure that’s where God wanted us. No sooner had I gotten the words out of my mouth than one of the waitresses named Jenifer came up to us and quickly greeted us, shaking Jim’s hand and giving me a kiss on each cheek. She said she had not seen us for a long time and wanted to know if we had been on vacation. (I didn’t think we went there to eat that often!) I told her we had been in the States for the last three months and had just gotten back the night before. She quickly pointed out that she was going to have a baby in March and placed my hand on her rounded little tummy. The baby’s name is Alexis and I’m sure will be as beautiful as her mama. I congratulated her and she told me she was so glad we came back to Nicaragua. After she walked off, I told Jim I had spoken too soon.


After lunch, we went to get some money changed as we had spent most of what I had on me for lunch. Our cambistas (moneychangers) are brothers and they sit under a tree on a busy street in Managua and change money for those who pull up in front of them. It’s Managua’s version of a drive-through bank! Before we even pulled up, one of the two brothers, stood up and began walking to the curb. When I rolled my window down (and it stayed down on its own, thank goodness), he reached in, shook hands with both of us, told us that he had missed us and wanted to know how our vacation was. He and Jim did their transaction and as we were getting ready to drive off, he said he was glad we were back in the country. His brother waved good-bye. I was surprised that they had missed us but again, pleased that someone had noticed we were gone.


The final “welcome home” for the day came at the grocery store. One of the sackers we have known since the store opened was so excited to see us. He told us he had missed seeing us and wondered if we had moved away. I told him we had gone to the States for a visit. He said he was glad we hadn’t moved back. I want to say that it’s because we always speak to him when we’re there but I think it’s more about the fact that we give him a tip when he carries out our groceries. Either way…those were nice words to hear. And those positive strokes made for a much nicer ending to the day.


So now, we’re on Day 2 of our return to Managua and I think I finally have everything put away where it’s supposed to go, all the clothes got washed, the throw rugs washed, the thick layer of black mold cleaned from the fridge and chest freezer seals, Eddy fixed the leaky kitchen faucet today, the internet is finally connected, the plants got watered and we have Pixie with us once again!


We never know what we’re going to find (or find missing) when we leave for any length of time and this time was no different…other than the length of time we spent away. Three months is a long time to leave a place uninhabited in this climate. We have found a handful of termite runs throughout the place, but only one seems to have been active and it was a doozie! Jim sprayed the dickens out of it and smacked an already flat scary looking bug/spider thing. The closest picture I’ve found on the internet that resembles it is a creepy looking crawlie called a tail-less whip scorpion. They’re not supposed to be harmful to humans. We’ll never know where that one was concerned. Gave me the willies!


There are several new stains on the ceiling which indicates it had several leaks that we didn’t have before and the sheetrock tape is coming down in a couple of areas. The bodega flooded while we were gone but doesn’t appear to be any major damage out there. And, all in all, the house seemed to fare okay. I think it helped having Margarita continue to come in 3x week and everything still seems to be in its place...plus most of my plants made it.


Today, Jim and our Nicaraguan friend, Martin (who picked us up at the airport), went to get a couple of estimates on getting the a/c repaired. The first place wanted an arm and a leg to fix it and the second place wanted just an arm…we’re going with the arm guy and just praying he knows what he’s doing! Jim and will take it back tomorrow morning and leave it and hopefully, we’ll get it back tomorrow afternoon with a working a/c. Martin is going to follow him there so that he can bring him back home. If that works out as we hope, then Jim and our friend will take the car on Friday to the mechanic who worked on it while we’re gone to figure out what repairs need to be repaired. I’m assuming the mechanic won’t charge for this visit.


The car fiasco has changed our plans for this week but that’s okay. We probably needed to take a few days to get settled back in before going to visit everyone. Friday night, we’re going to a pot-luck supper at our pastor’s house. Saturday, we’ll stay close to home as there is a large scale political demonstration planned by the opposition to the ruling government. Sunday is church and lunch with friends. Looks like visits will have to wait until next week.

Finally...yet again!

I’ve come to the conclusion that I will never get caught up…and that I will never catch the rest of you up with all that happens in our days here.  I have wondered why it used to be so much easier for me to make the time to sit down and write.  I decided that was before we found ourselves “working” seven days a week!  I’ve also decided that we’ve allowed ourselves to get bogged down in all that we’re doing to the point that we’re facing some serious burnout.  What that means is that we’ve more than likely taken on more than what God told us to take on or in ways that He had never intended.  That’s wrong, as well as exhausting. 

First of all…Happy Anniversary to us!  We’ve been here three years now!  In some respects, the time has flown by…in others, I wonder if Jesus would be willing to move the date up on His return!  Have we acclimated?  For the most part.  Does this feel like home?  As much as any place can feel like home for people who don’t feel like they have one anymore.  Are we fluent in Spanish?  Not even close!  Are we glad we’re here?  Most days.  Has our ministry turned out the way we had envisioned?  Another not even close!  Do we still struggle?  Every day in one way or another.  Has it been worth it?  Only Jesus can answer that…we belong to Him.  What are we doing now?  Holding on. 

Mondays through Fridays (and sometimes, Saturday and/or Sunday afternoons), we can usually be found at CINAFE, the child protection center that we are currently volunteering at in the position of overseers.  It has to be one of the most taxing and tiring things we’ve done since arriving here three years ago…and that’s saying a lot considering I thought teaching at Los Cedros was going to lead to my early demise!

We have seen some amazing changes in the 15 children who currently live there.  One of the girls who was a master of manipulation when we first arrived has undergone a remarkable transformation.  She is hungry to know more and more about Jesus.  She is quick to help and has taken on the role of mentor to some of the littlest ones there at CINAFE.  She is a good student and has been demonstrating her natural leadership qualities.  She still makes some poor decisions and did so again recently, but for the first time ever, she has shown some genuine remorse for her behavior.  That’s a pretty big step for her. 

Another young girl would not allow any physical touch from us.  I could not put my arm around her or touch her shoulder when we first arrived.  Now, she almost knocks us over to give us her after-school hugs.  She will come in the office and just sit and talk…about her day, about her family, about school and best of all, about God.  She has memorized numerous scriptures and she is now starting to understand that although knowing God’s Word is wonderful to know, He expects us to put in to practice what we’ve learned.  That’s a harder lesson to learn…but isn’t it for all of us?

We are now entering a dangerous time at CINAFE…about 1/2 of our children are now 12 and older.  That means that there is a constant surge of hormones happening at any given time which only adds to the unpredictability of life there.  If that weren’t challenging enough, we also have staff issues, government regulations, upcoming presidential elections and all that entails, constant maintenance issues and rising prices.  We feel we are in a precarious position of trying to manage CINAFE in a way that honors God and meets the expectations of the organization’s ministerial board while trying to keep our employees in a state of satisfaction plus parenting 15 kids in a Christian manner in a culture that is so different from our own.  I’m sure it would be easier if we were 30 years young…we’re not!

There are days that we don’t get home until 8:00 at night.  We’ll have staff problems or problems with the children which makes it feel more like midnight when we’re leaving or we will have kids who just need some personal attention.  They know that we start trying to leave between 5:00 and 6:00 and somehow, that seems to be the exact time that one of them wants to talk, or they want to play volleyball or handgames or just hang on us for awhile.  Somehow, they don’t understand that we’re not 30 years younger so there are many nights that we go home with achy muscles or bruises or dirty handprints on what had been a relatively clean shirt…but we also go home those nights with smiles on our tired, line-etched faces and in our uplifted hearts.  Those nights are much more frequent now than they were a year ago which is a blessing…but it is also very tiring!

We have been able to implement some different programs for the children there and hopefully, these will grow in to something that will help contribute to a brighter future for these kids.  We now have a general scholarship fund set up for the children so that those who seek to further their education after secondary school (that’s like our high school) can have the opportunity to do so.  This fund is to be used for either college or a type of vocational training and we’re praying that this will someday be utilized by all of our children.  The need for a good education is so important if these kids hope to have a better life than the one they knew before they came to us.   

We also now have three treadle sewing machines that were donated by the Kenmore Kiwanis group from Ohio.  We have hired a woman who teaches sewing to come in twice a week to teach the older children how to use the machines so that they will all have learned a basic skill.  Although some of the girls aren’t too crazy about learning this craft, others are demonstrating a real talent which is very exciting to see.  This class is building such self-confidence in some of our girls who have really struggled in this area so we have already considered this program a success.

Another venture has been teaching a class in jewelry making.  That one hasn’t taken off as we had hoped but mainly because our accessibility to affordable quality materials is pretty limited.  We are going to continue to pursue this but are in the process of trying to tweak the program so that the few who show some real promise in this craft, can continue to progress.

One of my favorite programs that we now have going, is the weekly Bible study and discipleship program we now have in place.  We have a local church who sends several young women over every week to work with the kids through songs, stories and lessons.  We have seen some real spiritual growth happening in several of our older girls and that has been so encouraging.

Soon, we will be having Jillian Hoover with us for a month and she is going to help us with a brief music program for the kids.  Jillian is from our home church and we are looking forward to seeing God use her musical talent to minister to these children.  We want the kids to learn how to read music and play the recorder.  We also recently bought a small used Casio keyboard which we are hoping to be able to incorporate in these lessons and we are currently looking for a guitar teacher for our 12 year old boy who loves to strum it and play around with chords.  We will also be having a friend of Jillian’s visit with us for a few weeks.  Crystal Odell also loves music so we’re expecting lots of harmonious sounds to emanate from our munchkins there at CINAFE!

Okay…that’s our update on CINAFE.  Now on to Tipitapa and Rayitas de Luz.  Saturdays are full days for us there.  We have our adult English class which last for 2 – 2 ½ hours in the mornings.  The class has dwindled down to about a solid dozen students.  And out of that dozen, about ½ of them are serious about learning English and those six make Saturday mornings worth the sacrifice of our 1 day a week of sleeping in. 

After class, we eat a quick lunch that Danelia and Arturo have prepared for us and then we’re back in the hot classroom to take on the 20+ kids who come every Saturday afternoon for their English class.  Those kids energize me, that’s for sure…at least for that hour or so because I’m always drained on the way back to Managua! 

Last week, we had a special activity for the parents of the children and had about 30 parents show up.  Danelia, Anibal (Danelia’s brother) and I each presented an aspect of parenting.  My talk was the last and although it was short, my focus in my pitiful Spanish was the importance of giving God first place in the marriage.  I hadn’t planned on a question and answer session afterwards but a man stood up and asked if Jim and I argued and how we settled them. 

I had to laugh when he asked me and I quickly assured him that we most certainly had disagreements and that we were two very different people in our personalities and our mannerisms which often presented a challenge when we were on opposite ends of something.  Everyone laughed as many of them already knew us.  I also told them that even when I didn’t feel like it, I try to defer to Jim as God has placed him as the spiritual head of our family.  I realized I had been given an opportunity to keep sharing about the difference between a God-centered marriage and a me-centered marriage and so I jumped on that.  Jim also spoke up and shared a little bit as well.  We all felt the program went very well.

We then had a drawing for three prizes that Jim and I provided.  We chose household items that any family could use…2 towels and 2 washcloths, a small pitcher with six plastic glasses and three packets of juice mix and finally, three plastic containers which held a can opener, a scrubby sponge and 4 rolls of dishwashing paste.  We also provided the refreshments of cake and soda.  It was such a festive time and the parents were so great.  

We were really surprised and pleased by the turnout but then, God had yet another surprise for us.  Three different couples approached Danelia after the program and told her that they decided they would like to be married and wanted to know if we would let them use the school.  When Danelia told me that, I was speechless.  Finally, I asked her what prompted that and she said she didn’t know but that’s what they wanted.

We discussed it at length and the only stipulation we put on the use of the building for their weddings was that they would have to counsel with a pastor before the wedding and have a pastor be a part of the ceremony.  There are two types of wedding services here, a religious service and a civil service.  A church or religious wedding is not considered a legal marriage in Nicaragua.  A legal marriage is done by a lawyer and the cost for the paperwork is minimal.  A religious wedding is recognized only by the church as a valid marriage.  So, we’re asking the couples to “marry” the two services so that they will have a marriage that is acknowledged by both the law and the church.  We’re excited to see how this progresses and the impact it will have in the community.

The other use for the building is now in the preliminary planning stages.  Beginning in June, Danelia is going to start offering a children’s Sunday School class on Sunday mornings.  There have already been quite a few parents who have said they would like to send their children to the class and she is estimating about 20 children who want to come. 

Kenneth’s health continues to decline.  His legs are so thin now as the muscles have atrophied and his arms are no longer strong like they once were.  The doctor at La Mascota, the children’s hospital, has upped his pain medicine now to every six hours.  Last Friday, we all felt sucker-punched when one of the pediatric oncologists told us that he not only thinks the tumor in the chest is growing, he also indicated he thinks the cancer may have spread to the brain. 

I’m not accepting that diagnosis yet as the doctor is basing it on the past history of another patient and the fact that Kenneth’s white cell count was highly elevated.  But there have been no other tests to confirm that so we’re praying against that diagnosis.  I am not at all a fan of how medicine is done here and what confidence I did have has waned considerably with that kind of doctoring. 

Although Kenneth is declining physically, his attitude has never been better.   He is eating again and when the pain medication is doing its job, he’s full of smiles and jabbers like a magpie.  He loves to play games and his newest favorite thing to do while we sit in the waiting area at the hospital are hidden object puzzles.  I have a big book of these kinds of puzzles and he loves finding something before Jim or I do.  Cancer may be taking a terrible toll on his body but it hasn’t dampened his competitive spirit one iota!  The kid is brutal! 

I make light of this because that’s how we are getting through this right now.  Every visit to La Mascota is torture for me…and I’m not the one getting stuck with needles and poked and prodded in all the painful places every two weeks.  But I am the one who sees the babies with huge protruding tumors over the eyes, toddlers with horribly extended misshapen bellies due to inoperable tumors, young girls and boys hopping around on one leg due to amputations from bone cancer, children who look more like stick figures than human beings who are so weak that their coughs sound like strangled mews thanks to the lung cancers from which they suffer…these visits almost always bring tears to my eyes and sometimes, I can’t hold those tears back.  I look around at all the children that we see each visit (there is an average of more than 70 children treated each day as outpatients in the cancer ward) and my heart literally hurts at their suffering.  Kenneth just sees new friends with whom to share his puzzles or toys.

One day, I think Kenneth sensed what I was thinking as I sat and looked around.  He never said a word but just took my hand and squeezed it as if to reassure me that everything was going to be okay…it was as though our roles reversed for a moment.  I sat and stared at him and was horrified at the thought that as much as I hate those hospital visits, I am going to be devastated if the day comes (and the doctors are all sure it will come), that there will no longer be a need for us to be there because Kenneth will have received his ultimate and eternal healing.  On that day, his pain will have ended but I’m afraid ours will continue for some time.  And I’m so selfish in this…Kenneth has become such a part of our lives here.  He’s more than a little boy with cancer…he’s a little boy whom we dearly love.  Please continue to pray for him. 

Now going south from Managua is our newest ministry venture.  I think I told you about Mercy Plate Ministries?  I will explain in case I haven’t and if I have…consider it a quick review!  It is a fledgling feeding program for the elderly in a community called Vera Cruz which is south of Managua…and no, Vera Cruz is not close to our home either!  It is run by a wonderful Nicaraguan Christian couple who are from the Atlantic Coast.  Due to scheduling conflicts with our time in Tipitapa, we are currently unable to be present to help Segard and Elsie with the actual serving of the food but we have been helping financially and encouraging them with prayers and advice.

We have been able to bless Mercy Plate with some games, dishes, silverware, food and today, we took a load of donated clothes and shoes down for Elsie to hand out on Saturday.  The program is growing so fast.  A few months ago, Elsie started out with about 9 seniors who came for her first Saturday evening meal.  Now, they’re up to about 50 on the roster.  She not only gives them a good hot nutritious meal, she also does blood pressure checks and offers them a time of fellowship. 

We’re working on trying to figure out a way to do a home delivery system once a week for those that are homebound so that we can get to know them and their families and begin building relationships with them.  So many do not know Jesus and we know time is so short for a great many of them.

Our “big dream” for them is to build a covered outside eating area so that the rainy season will not keep them from coming.  There is an enclosed building they can meet in but it’s hot and they love being outside.  We want to get some plastic tables and enough chairs for everyone.  Those are big dreams but Segard, Elsie, Jim and I all serve the God who owns the cattle on a thousand hills.  The project of building a simple rancho and some plastic chairs may look like a huge project to us…but we trust God to provide in His time.

Segard told us that many of the elderly in that community are skeptical of gringos coming in there as they associate so many of us with the Iran-Contra War so we have some hurdles to cross but we believe God has opened a door for us there and we don’t want to not step through it.  There is an uneasy dance with the churches in the community as they’re fearful of Segard wanting to start a “competitive” church.  Segard assured them that is not his intention but we all agree that we want to share Jesus with them.  Segard and Elsie are more about the service aspect whereas Jim and I want to be able to visit with the folks and find out where they are spiritually.  We’re also trusting God to provide us with that opportunity in His time. 

So, that’s a quick general overall snapshot of what we’re doing with our current ministries.  Before I end this I will tell you that this past year has been the most difficult year for me (and I would assume for Jim) for some time.  We will be coming back to the States in August and we’ve decided to stay for a couple of months this time.  We need some rest and we need to hear clearly from God what direction He wants us to go.  I am confident it will be to return here…I’m just not confident in what capacity.   We have many questions that we are laying before the Lord right now and we just want to be obedient to Him in our every response.  Thank you for your continued prayers, words of encouragement and support.  You are so precious to us.

Long overdue...

I’m not even sure how to begin this. I know it has been ages since I’ve blogged and at least twice that long since I’ve done a newsletter. Every few days or so, I tell myself that I’m going to carve out the time I need to “catch up” and yet I I don’t seem to ever start that carving process. As frustrating as that is for me, it was brought to my attention this past week that it is equally, if not more so, for some of you. All I can do is apologize for letting you down in this respect. I KNOW we’re super busy, (and I’ll be the first to admit that we’re probably too busy) but of course, I realize you have no way of knowing that unless I take the time to share just what it is that we’re doing. And if there is anyone who has the right to know what we’re doing here, it is all of you. 

First of all, God answered my prayer to help me find a block of time where I can actually sit and write. I’ve been sick with the flu the last 4 days and today is actually the first day that I’ve even felt like sitting up this long. This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind when I prayed that prayer of finding more time, believe me. But, I recognize an opportunity when I see it so I’ll try now to give you a decent recap of what we’ve been doing lately.

You are aware that we’ve moved to a much more secure place to live. Things are unpacked, the study is organized, flowers are planted but it still doesn’t feel like “home”. We have just recently put in 3 ceiling fans which is helping to keep the place cooler. We’re talking about painting the all vanilla-colored walls and replacing the blinds with curtains to help make it feel a little cozier. All the wall décor we had in our house is still waiting to be hung but we want to paint first before we hang them…with concrete walls, the fewer holes Jim has to make, the better. So, right now, we’re safe but still not feeling we have a home. I’m assuming that will happen at some point. Honestly, right now, we’re here so little most of the time that “home” seems to be way down on our “to do” list.  I don't have pics yet but maybe if we get moving on the improvements, I'll have some to show.

We continue to spend most of our time at CINAFE and so that’s where I’ll focus for this particular blog. Obviously, too much has happened to catch you up on everything at once. So, about CINAFE… To begin with, the children have just started their new school year and they are so excited. They are sporting new backpacks and new shoes. Many have new uniforms. Right now, it’s all great…but the routine of homework hasn’t gotten old yet so attitudes may change before long. 

The majority of the children have returned to the private school (where their tuition has been donated) but we have four of the children who have had to change schools. Thankfully, they are able to attend a school just a few blocks from the home which not only makes it convenient, but also, we’re praying that this will be a positive change for these children. We also continue to have a tutor several times a week to help those children who continue to struggle with their basic subjects. Many of our kids were way behind in their education when they came to us with some having to learn to read and write for the first time.

We are working on some new programs for the kids. They not only need a safe and healthy place to live, they also need to have some hope for a future that is different than their past. Thanks to a Kiwanis club in Ohio, we will soon be able to buy some sewing machines for our girls so that they can learn a life skill that they will always be able to use. Through some vocational and aptitude testing, we are discovering some of the older kids’ God-given gifts, abilities and interests with the idea of trying to nurture those through possible outside vocational training. 

For example, we have a girl who is extremely artistic, another one who is very interested in and very good in the field of cosmetology, a young man who is interested in carpentry and a girl who enjoys studying English. We all know some children are university material and some aren’t but regardless of their abilities and capabilities, we don’t want to try to force these children in to a mold that doesn’t fit them. So, in conjunction with that, our third stage of this “future of hope” program that is in the process now, is to set up a general Scholarship Fund for any of the CINAFE children who choose to continue with a higher education program or vocational school training. We are very excited about this opportunity for our kids.

Day to day life at CINAFE varies greatly. If ever there were a roller-coaster ride of a ministry, this one is it and it takes an unbelievable amount of time as well as physical and emotional energy to be there day after day. The “fix-it” side of me wonders why sharing the truth of God’s Word doesn’t just make it all better. But then, the truth of God’s Word answers that very question…Satan is a liar and a thief and that he has come to steal, kill and destroy. 

The challenges that we face every day at CINAFE, with both the staff and the children, are spiritual battles and they are wearying. Our Hope and our Strength are Jesus Christ and In Him, we hold on to the promises that we are more than conquerors…and He is who we want each one of the children and the staff at CINAFE to come to know as their Lord and Savior. That is a difficult step for so many of them to make as trust is not something that they are quick to give. These children need your prayers. The staff needs your prayers. And we certainly need your prayers. This is a heavy responsibility with eternal consequences.

Karen, our friend in Ohio and the wife of the CINAFE board president, came to spend part of the Christmas holiday at CINAFE. That was a fun and a very busy week. We had a Christmas party for about 40 children from our local neighborhood plus a poor neighborhood about 1 ½ kilometers away. An American gentleman, Dana, who comes to visit Nicaragua several times a year, rented a giant inflatable jump house castle and we had a Nicaraguan ministry team, Castillo Del Rey, come to entertain the kids. We had games, activities and refreshments ending the afternoon with a presentation of the gospel. It was a fun day for everyone.

One of the other highlights of that week was taking the children to a poor neighborhood in El Crucero, which is about 13 kilometers south of Managua and the community where all the children attended school last year. Thanks to some very generous folks who donated to this project, the children visited thirty homes, passing out plastic tubs filled with food, including a hot, cooked whole chicken and a loaf of fresh bread. The children took turns praying over each family and everyone sang carols, oftentimes with the families joining in. 

The children were in such high spirits, they loved doing this! And the reaction of the recipients was so touching. These were folks who lived in very poor conditions. More than once, we heard that the food baskets were an answer to prayer. One lady had six children and said she had fixed the last of her little bit of rice that morning and had no idea what she was going to feed them that night. Another was an older couple who cried tears of gratitude when they received their basket. Another was a grieving mother who had just buried her three year old daughter who had been hit and killed by a microbus. 

Of course, the word spread like wildfire and as usual, there were people who sought us out, asking for food and as usual, there wasn’t enough to go around. That was the saddest part to the day - having to tell people that there wasn’t any more to give. I don’t know that I’ll ever get used to that. 

There was another memorable event for the children and that was a visit to Ancianos Coronados. The church Jim and I attend, Covenant Church of Managua, reaches out each Friday and every other Saturday to a community of elderly in a neighborhood called Las Naciones in the south part of Managua. The church has a feeding program for the folks and they meet in the front yard of someone who has volunteered their home for this. 

We have such high regard for this program and thought this would be a good experience for our CINAFE kids so Jim and I arranged for them to have the opportunity to help serve lunch one Friday before Christmas. Each year, the kids minister in a neighborhood with food baskets (like they did in El Crucero), or caroling or hosting a neighborhood Christmas party but this year, we wanted to make them aware of another segment of people who are so often forgotten or mistreated here in Nicaragua, and that’s the elderly. We want the kids to learn to give as well as receive and we want them to learn the concept of serving others. But we also want them to recognize and respect their elders and to be open to the wisdom they can impart to them. This doesn’t just happen…it’s something we need to be intentional about facilitating.

When we first arrived, I think the children were a little apprehensive and maybe even a little intimidated but it didn’t take long for the generations to merge. The kids prayed and then sang Christmas Carols with many of the Ancianos joining in. Some of them closed their eyes and swayed to the rhythm of the songs. Some sat very still with tears quietly rolling down their weathered faces. Those were the ones who touched my heart the most. 

After the program, the children then passed out lunch that was prepared by a team of local neighborhood ladies that does this each week. It was a simple lunch of beans, rice and tortillas but for many of the Ancianos, that is one of the few hot meals they get each week. This is truly a neglected segment of society here. 

Many of the Ancianos suffer humiliation and abuse from their own families who view them as burdens and no longer productive or contributing members to the household. They are encouraged to eat their lunch there on site as it has been found that many of them get their food taken away from them if they try to take it home. It is heartbreaking and I am so thankful that our church has undertaken this ministry. These people come not only for the hot lunch, but also for the love and validation they receive each week. They never leave without hearing God’s Word. 

There were lots of smiles and even a few hugs exchanged that afternoon. The children finished out their time there with passing out food and hygiene packs to each Anciano in attendance. I wish that I could bottle the kind of joy that we saw on so many faces that day. The children did a great job of serving and their smiles were infectious. The Ancianos loved having the children there. 

Recently, we had a team from First Baptist Church, Cassville, MO. Their main ministry focus was spent in Tipitapa but they spent one afternoon with the kids at CINAFE and I’m not sure who had more fun…the kids or the team! We have seen a lot of teams come through CINAFE and we’re never quite sure how the kids are going to react, but I can honestly say that all the kids warmed up so quickly to the FBC team. Even our older girls, who can be a tough crowd to win over, absolutely went out of their way to make the team feel welcome. I was so proud of those kids! And so proud to share them with folks from home!

So, in general, that brings you up to date with our CINAFE kids. We have been with them for a year now. We have seen some of them at their worst and all of them at their best. We have celebrated birthdays and quinceañeras. We have helped with homework and taken away privileges. We have attended school events and sat in emergency rooms. We have wiped tears and played pranks. We have cheered and we have counseled. We have seen walls come down and barriers fall. We have gained the trust of some of the most closed-off children and have become a safe place for them to share their fears, frustrations, joys and sorrows. We have made the children laugh and cry and they have done the same to us. I don’t know when it happened exactly, but sometime in this past year, we have opened our hearts to the children of CINAFE, and they have each crept in and firmly planted themselves. And that’s why we continue to put in more hours than we should at CINAFE. We’ve fallen in love!

More on Kenneth...

Started this yesterday…finished it this afternoon. That is so typical of things here now… seems so hard to get anything completed when planned!

I’m sitting here at my desk at CINAFE and my aim was to work on next week’s schedule of events as it’s going to be a very busy week. The problem is all I can think about is Kenneth. I thought if I could “talk” about him with you, then it would help me express some of what I’m feeling and maybe be enough of a release that I can focus on what I need to be focusing on today.

We had planned on going to Tipitapa this past weekend, even though I’ve taken this month off from teaching, but I wanted to go check on Kenneth. Saturday, Susanna e-mailed to tell us she was flying back to the States for Christmas that following Monday and to let us know Pixie was “available” if we wanted to dog-sit while she was gone. She asked if we could take her to the airport Monday morning so we decided to just wait to go to Tipitapa then to help save on our gas as the airport is on the way to Tipitapa. Sunday afternoon, Susanna called and said she was going to go with someone else so we decided we would go ahead and come in to CINAFE on Monday morning and work for awhile. We finally left here about 3:15 to head on over to Tipitapa.

Danelia heard our car pull up and came out to meet us. Her eyes filled with tears almost immediately. She said that she had made 3 trips to the hospital in the last week, with the latest being that morning. Monday’s trip was to try to get a good ultrasound test done. It was unsuccessful. It seems that the position they need Kenneth to lie in is also a position that causes him excruciating pain and so they said until he can lie still as they need him to do, then they can’t do the test.

I understand that they need him to lay still. What I don’t understand is why they can’t do something medically to help him do that. Maybe I’m just fixated on trying to alleviate his pain but for professionals in the medical field to be angry and frustrated with a little boy who has been diagnosed with terminal cancer, who is scared and who is crying out in pain and fear just seems wrong to me. But I’m not the only one who feels that way. His mama does, too, and my heart just aches for what she’s going through herself.

The doctors told her during one of the visits last week that they think the tumor is growing much more rapidly now and that it is pressing on the spine and on the intestines. That is one of the reasons he no longer has normal bowel functions. This only complicates things as he is immobile now from the waist down. But they want a good ultrasound to make a correct diagnosis. We all want that.

She told me that she is supposed to take him back to the hospital on Thursday or Friday. One of her brothers who has a car, said he could take them if he goes on Thursday but he can’t help them on Friday. I told her that we could come and get them if they needed to go that day. She told me that they would need to be at the hospital by 7:00 and that she was afraid that was too early for us. I told her not to worry about that…and then, I turned and asked Jim if it was okay, knowing that it would mean we would have to leave our house a little after 5:00 a.m. Jim is a saint, in case you all don’t realize it. He said it was fine.

Danelia told us that one of the doctors told her that he thinks the cancer is spreading further down the leg and that Danelia needs to watch for fever or signs of infection. She was shaking when she told me that Kenneth had started running a low-grade fever that morning and that his feet were swelling. But, she said that he didn’t seem to be having any pain. She expressed even more concern that she couldn’t get him to eat anything. The doctors had simply said to bring him back Thursday or Friday.

Danelia said she was scared. She said that she knows that God wants her to continue to trust Him. As so often happens these days, I joined her in her tears. I agreed that God wants that from all of His children. I also told her that God knows that we love our children and He understands her fear.

She said that she has decided that if they want to put Kenneth in the hospital, that she is almost ready to let them do that just so he will be more comfortable. She can’t bear seeing him in pain and trying to lift him and carry him without causing him pain is becoming more and more difficult. She is so torn as to what to do. She hates the hospital environment and I don’t blame her. Kenneth hates it too. It’s not a comforting place to be. But she knows that he can get care there that she can’t give him and that they can help keep him nourished.

She knows she would have to stay with him 24 hours a day there which would also mean that she couldn’t be at home with Lindsay. Neither could Arturo as he works 12 hours a day, 6 days a week and sometimes more. Lindsay would have to stay with Danelia’s mother and no one wants that as Lindsay does not do well being apart from her mama. Danelia’s mother has her own health issues plus she isn’t a very affectionate individual.

Life is scary right now for the rest of the family but it is also very unsettling for Lindsay…she understands enough to understand that Kenneth is really sick but I don’t know that she really grasps the entirety or the severity of the situation. She does understand that whatever is happening with Kenneth is bad as it makes her mama and papa cry when they think no one sees them. She has whispered to me before that “mama was crying this morning”. Danelia knows that being separated again from Lindsay would only add to both their anxieties.

As Jim and I stood and listened to Danelia, I so badly wanted to give such wonderful and profound words of wisdom and comfort & all I could do was cry with her. It was and is such a helpless feeling. I looked around as we stood at the broken down fence that acts as their gate. The dust swirled as the wind blew across their rutted dirt road. The rusty, hole-ridden piece of zinc that she had put across the front window of the school to keep the sun out looked even more sad and dilapidated as it sat tilted at a precarious angle. Celeste and Genesis, little girls who live a few houses down the street and are students at Rayitas de Luz, stood silently and somberly, watching us as we both had tears roll down our cheeks. The whole thing just seemed surreal as like conversations have so many times before.

We both wiped our faces in preparation to go in to see Kenneth. He isn’t unaware of what’s happening to him but neither of us want him to have to see “doom and gloom” faces all the time. She said she had moved him out to the school room as it was cooler and he could rest better out there. She said he was playing music...there’s not much else for him to do. He can’t get down on the ground and play with his toys. I know it’s difficult for him to hear the other children out running and playing when he can’t even move his legs of his own volition.

I walked in, expecting to see him lying down on the table that had often served as a makeshift bed before we gave the kids bunkbeds. I was surprised to see him sitting up and looking pretty good. He was in his wheelchair with his feet propped up on a pillow in another chair. He had a small guitar in his hands...someone had given it to Arturo to give to Kenneth. He greeted us with a smile and I asked him how he was. “Bien”. Fine. That was good. The last few visits had garnered the response of, “Un poco mal. A little bad.

I touched his bare feet. I was struck by two things. They were terribly swollen and they were spotlessly clean. Clean feet on children in Nicaragua are a novelty. But seeing these clean feet were more than a curiosity to be glanced at…they were visible signs of a little boy who can no longer live the life a little boy should be able to live. He can no longer walk to the bathroom, pedal his bicycle, run to the dirt mound and jump off, kick a soccer ball, climb in and out of his bed. The sight of those clean, bare feet stabbed at my heart.

There were two other things I noticed when I touched Kenneth’s feet. First of all, that he didn’t react. I touched lightly because I wasn’t sure if my touch would be painful to him or not. He didn’t even twitch. Maybe my feet are just very sensitive but if someone touches them with a lot of pressure or with little, I move. Kenneth’s feet remained absolutely still.

The other thing I noticed was that while both feet were swollen, the right one was noticeably larger and it was quite feverish. The heat ran up his entire right leg. The toes on his left foot were cold to the touch although from his ankle up, it became progressively warmer. I was hoping that was due to his feet being elevated. I asked Kenneth if he had any pain and he said no. But he was still dealing with the incessant itching on his back and around his waist. We were thankful that he was having a pain-free day regardless the reason.

I asked him if he knew how to play the guitar. He shyly shook his head no. I told him that I didn’t know either and I wanted him to try to play something for me. He grinned but again, shook his head no. We began talking about music, toys and cars. Boy talk. He would answer my questions but didn’t seem to want to talk much. Danelia had gone in to the house to sweep and to some things while we were there to sit with Kenneth. I realized how difficult just even doing her daily chores must have become with trying to balance a day full of housework and taking care of a sick little boy.

I asked Kenneth if he could choose anything in the whole world he would like to eat, what would it be? He shrugged his shoulders. I asked him, “Un elefante?” An elephant? He grinned and shook his head no. “Que?” What? I asked this almost with trepidation…what if he told me something that I couldn’t get for him? He smiled and said very softly, “Carne asada.” Grilled meat. “Carne asada? Le gusta?” Grilled meat – do you like it? He slightly nodded his head yes, still smiling. I asked him if I got him carne asada, would he try to eat some of it. His head nod was much larger this time.

About that time, Bayron, the little boy next door and Kenneth’s best friend, came over. He is very affectionate with me and will often pick flowers from whosever bush he can get them from or make me flowers from bits and pieces of things he finds and give them to me. But even when he doesn’t come bearing gifts, he always has a hug...which is of the gift I love most. I miss getting those hugs from my grandkids.

I have to laugh at how Bayron is with me. He sometimes will sit next to me and will just play with my fingernails as he is fascinated (as are most kids) with longer nails. Women in his barrio don’t have long nails as they wash clothes by hand on a concrete pila which would negate the thought of any kind of manicured hand. He will turn my fingers this way and that and closely examine my skin. He always tells me how “white” my hands are.

Or if he’s standing next to my chair, he will mindlessly play with my hair…he loves the silver in it. Silver sounds better than gray. Regardless how it’s defined, Bayron finds it very interesting and will twirl it around his fingers or try to separate the few remaining brown strands from the rest. I’m sure I must look quite a mess when he’s doing this but honestly, I gave up worrying a long time ago about being “put together” here. It’s no longer important to me but I do admit that I’ve wondered at times how much dirtier my hair is returning home from Tipitapa than when I arrive there.

Bayron is another little boy that we’ve been able to help some with medications. He suffers with terrible headaches and has been diagnosed with lesions on the brain as a result of being beaten by his father when he was small. He’s a terribly sweet little boy with a wonderful smile and he loves to teach me new Spanish words. He’s much more comfortable with women than men, which is understandable due to his home life. But I often worry about Bayron and his future. I’m glad he’s a student at Rayitas de Luz.

Danelia came out to see if we would stay with Kenneth while she went to get Lindsay from church. We told her we would and I asked her where close by that we could go buy carne asada. She said that there was a place but that it wasn’t safe for us to go there and that she could go get it for us. I asked her how much it was and she told me. I got in my purse and gave her enough money to buy carne asada for all of them and told her that was what I wanted her to do. She protested saying it was too expensive. I told her that if Kenneth would eat some of it then it was worth every penny. She gave me a nod, a smile and teary thank-you and tucked the money inside the waist band of her skirt and left to go get Lindsay.

Bayron and Kenneth are best buddies. Kenneth was the one who often looked after Bayron in the neighborhood and now, Bayron takes care of Kenneth. Kenneth’s countenance brightened measurably when Bayron came over. Bayron began digging in the old rice sack that serves as Kenneth and Lindsay’s toy “chest”, obviously searching for something. He pulled out ratty looking Barbies and well worn stuffed animals, cars with chipped paint or missing parts. Kenneth watched as each toy was pulled and would name the ones that we had given him. Not a one could qualify as “gently used”. Jim and I looked at each other and smiled. We were glad that he had enjoyed his toys so much.

Finally, Bayron found the little bag of Hot Wheels that he was looking for and gave it to Kenneth.  Bayron set up the little Hot Wheels stunt track that we had given Kenneth last year and Kenneth would choose which car was going to go down the track and when to let it go. Bayron played for Kenneth and Kenneth seemed to be as involved in the process as he could.  Before long, two other boys who looked to be about 6 and 8 years old and their mother came by to also visit with Kenneth and Danelia. She told me they attend the same church as Danelia and that she wanted to come visit with her for awhile. The two little boys joined in playing and we watched as the four of them laughed and talked about the stunt track and cars.

Shortly after that, Danelia and Lindsay returned. Lindsay quickly scrambled up on my lap for hugs and tickles. The boys continued to play and Danelia and her friend were talking. I thought for a minute how normal everything seemed…and then I saw Kenneth, sitting in his wheelchair and looking down wistfully at his friends playing with his toys and I realized how “not normal” it all was…and just how quickly this new “not normal” had become “normal”.

It was getting dark and we needed to go. We still had to stop by Miguel’s house to check on them. I treasure the time we got to spend with Kenneth “babysitting”. He’s so precious to us. It was a quiet ride home. We continue to pray God’s will be done in this situation. The words are easy to pray…the reality of how that may play out is much harder to face.

Un poco mal...

Move #24 is in process. I’m supposed to be packing but thought I would take a few minutes to try to recap the last few weeks for you. Moving seems to have dominated our life this past month. How many times have I said “I hate moving!”? If you ignore the times before I was verbal, I would guess at least 20. This move is no different.

We are once again almost in a state of limbo. We have to wait until our neighbors move out for us to move in. And I say that with such mixed emotions…I love our neighbors and I don’t want to see them move. I would almost be willing to stay where we are if they would decide to stay here…but the lure of much-longed-for family and the American way of life has won out and they will be leaving Nicaragua very soon. We anticipate being able to start moving in to their place in the next day or so and hopefully, that won’t take much more than two days to get everything moved and then, I am going to start the “nesting” process all over again. I don’t know how birds do it!

After living here for a month, we have learned somewhat the things we can “work in” to our smaller accommodations and those we will have to let go. I’m afraid the freezers are going to have to go. The old upright is currently serving as a shelving unit in the bodega (the enclosed open-air laundry room) and the chest freezer that I love is currently occupying too much of my precious kitchen space. Both are going to have to find other homes. We have talked about getting one of those really tiny little chest freezers just so that we can keep ice on hand and the occasional frozen foods that go on sale, but that’s a conversation to be continued on another day.

Let’s see…we just had company for a week. Sadie (our youngest daughter), Marc (her fiancé) and Brittni (Sadie’s friend from vet school) came to spend Thanksgiving with us and we had a very busy week. We made three trips to Tipitapa which is what I want to share with you today. We went once for Saturday English class (with 28 in attendance!), once to attend Kenneth’s little sister’s (Lindsay’s) graduation from preschool in to primary school (a 3 hour event!) and once for Lindsay’s 6th birthday party. Actually, our family took care of putting on the party, supplying the piñata, gifts, cake, soda, balloons, etc. but we had it at the Rayitas de Luz school inviting the neighborhood kids. Lindsay loved it! She was dressed in a princess outfit and she played the part to the hilt…she loved being the center of attention.

It has been difficult of late for Lindsay. She is finally old enough that she is very aware of the fact that Kenneth often receives more attention than she does and even though Kenneth’s cancer demands that attention, it’s still hard for a little six-year old girl to try to process what all of that really means. Rarely does she say anything, but Lindsay has become acutely aware of how she is impacted by Kenneth’s cancer and her child-like frustration became evident the past few weeks.

Two weeks ago, when it was time to have school pictures taken, Lindsay didn’t get hers because that was money that was needed to take Kenneth in a taxi to the hospital…he can no longer walk to get on the bus. We didn’t find this out until after school pictures. We have taken pictures for the family to have but it’s not the same. Lindsay was happy and her parents were very grateful but all recognized the fact that Lindsay appeared to be the obvious one who had to make a sacrifice.

Also, Lindsay was told she was going to have to miss out on her graduation as the family had no way of going and taking Kenneth. The three block walk would have been over badly rutted dirt roads and it would have been too difficult trying to push Kenneth’s wheelchair…the pain would have just been too much for him. Even though Lindsay understood why, her disappointment at missing her graduation was very evident in her tears. Thankfully, we found this out the day before and we were able to juggle some things around so that we could get everyone, including Kenneth, to the school on Sunday for the big event. We were even able to get Lindsay some new shoes to wear as her old school shoes had holes in them. I don’t know who was happier that day, Lindsay or her parents.

The other big looming disappointment was the birthday party. Danelia had told Lindsay that they just couldn’t do a birthday party for her this year as all their extra money was going to transportation and medicines plus various other items for Kenneth. That’s when the tears also were accompanied with the accusatory “why’s”. Why did Kenneth get a big party for his birthday and she couldn’t have one? Why could Kenneth have a piñata but she couldn’t?...plus, I’m sure, a litany of other questions.

We were there for part of that and seeing the tears in Arturo’s eyes as he tried to explain the adult answers to a child’s questions in terms that she could understand, was enough for me. That’s when I knew that we were going to do a party for Lindsay. Here’s the part that I want to reiterate to you…we couldn’t be helping pay for taxis, buy medicines, food, shoes, pictures and birthday party supplies without you. Jim and I feel so privileged to witness the impact you make on the lives of so many people here…I wish you could see it first hand for yourself.

Now, I’ve mentioned Kenneth a lot but haven’t directly addressed where he is right now with his cancer. If you read my Facebook entries, you already know. If you don’t, I will give you a quick rundown. Kenneth’s pain in his legs and lower back has progressed to the point he can no longer walk. After various x-rays and sonograms, his pediatric oncologists said that the tumor in his pelvis is beginning to grow again and is now pressing on nerves. His bowels are no longer working as they should which has added another dimension to Kenneth’s care. This is due in part to his medication and in part to now being immobile. We are continuing to seek ways to help Danelia cope with this latest development. He continues to battle pain and nausea and both have caused a decrease in his appetite.

The pain medication is obviously a double-edged sword. It does help in keeping Kenneth’s pain somewhat manageable but it is loaded with side effects and taking it in conjunction with his latest round of cancer meds has opened up a whole new world of challenges along with the things I just mentioned. He has an itchy rash now that he mindlessly scratches until raw. I always fear infection and check his rashes every time I’m there. He’s often either very lethargic or the other extreme of being very agitated and short-tempered. His frustration with being held prisoner by legs that no longer work and pain that makes its presence known takes form in unpredictable mood swings. Kenneth still tries on occasion to give me his sweet smile but more and more, when I ask him how he feels, the smile no longer appears and he answers with “un poco mal”…a little bad. That is devastating to hear coming from him. He says a little bad but it’s obvious he is in pain.

Kenneth’s prognosis now? According to the doctors, there is no hope. According to God, there is always hope. And so we do. Our hope is in Christ, as is Danelia’s and is Kenneth’s. I know God has put this family in our lives for a reason and I don’t want to waste or trivialize one moment of what they are teaching us. These latest developments with Kenneth have come much sooner than we had thought. We were all on board when Kenneth seemed to be in remission and the doctors said the tumors were no longer visible in his chest. We all tried to ignore the “inconclusives” that we kept getting on so many of his tests. We all kept hoping that the leg pain that had returned was due to over-exertion from playing too hard or riding his bike on those bumpy roads. Even the doctors wanted to look for bladder infections and kidney infections to explain away the back pain. But that doesn’t seem to be how the book on Kenneth’s life has been written by his Author. Right now, I’m not sure how I feel about all of this. I guess I would have to say, like Kenneth, “un poco mal” and trust God with my own pain.