Tender mercies...

The last few days have kept our e-mail accounts hoppin'. I have received such wonderful words of encouragment and assurance that there are many who are praying for Kenneth and for his healing. Today, I was sharing about one of those in an e-mail with a very special friend of ours in Arizona. Jim almost always reads what comes in and often, what goes out. He urged me to put this part of that e-mail on the blog. He thought it did a good job of explaining how we feel about what we hope for with Kenneth. So, here is that explanation...

"Thank you so much for praying for Kenneth. He's such a special little boy to us. I wish you could know him for yourself. He has the sweetest spirit - you can tell Jesus has filled his heart with love. Someone wrote me this morning about him, and in kindness, reminded me that God is still in control. I told them that I know God is in control and that accepting that truth is not the issue...the issue is how painful it is sometimes to be obedient to do what He's called us to do where He's called us to do it and with whom He's called us to do it.

Falling madly in love with a 9 year-old little boy who has been labeled as "terminal" was never something I thought I would be dealing with when I unpacked our suitcases in April of 2008. My selfish nature wants to protect my heart from loss and pain and the nature of Christ in me wants this child healed...back to my selfish nature...I want him physically healed in this life. It remains to be seen what God's will is. And so, we pray and we ask others to pray, asking God to indulge all of us here and to do a divine healing on this sweet little guy. If that answer is no, that will not change God nor how I feel about Him...it will change the timeline and the location of where I will receive my hugs from Kenneth. And it will give me another thing to ask God to do for me and that will be to heal my broken heart."

I do want to thank all of you who are doing exactly what we asked you to do and that is to pray for Kenneth and his family, to pray for healing and to ask others to do the same. Jim and I were talking about this last night...yet again. Honestly, much of our focus is on Kenneth right now. I told him I am so ashamed for the times I've received prayer requests for situations with people I've never met or heard of and more often than I care to admit, although I've prayed for them... it's not been with the fervency or depth which I know the person asking would have wanted...or needed.

I confess that some times, they were names whose connection to me was only through the person who had asked me to pray. I didn't know what they looked like, what they liked to do in their spare time, what their favorite pet was as a child, if they had a passion for chocolate, how they felt about Mozart and Monet, if they laughed heartily or if they chuckled...and rarely, did I really give serious, devoted time to thinking about those who loved them desperately and those they loved. They were names on my list with situations that I wanted to check off. I like short lists.

What a terrible intercessor I have been at times. And now...God is teaching me in the most effective way to date, just how important those prayer requests have been. Obviously, some of those weren't to me, but they sure were to those who were asking. I'm more than ashamed...I'm sick at heart...I've always been the one to talk about the importance of intercessory prayer and I believe it wholeheartedly...I'm afraid I've just been terribly discriminating (notice I didn't say discerning) about in whom or what I was willing to invest my prayer time. Wow...if there's ever any doubt about God's mercy, let me tell you I have a newfound awareness of the fact that I can't even begin to grasp the extent or the depth of such - although it is so obvious in His patience and forgiveness of such a willful child as myself.

It still amazes me how God speaks by bringing scripture to my mind to teach and rebuke me when I've not honored Him as I should. I had to look this one up to get it exactly right and I chose the New Living Translation as it pretty much cuts to the chase with me about this subject, "My dear brothers and sisters, how can you claim to have faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ if you favor some people over others?" James 2:1 This calls for more than a flippant "ouch"...this calls for repentance.

Please forgive me, Lord, for my selfish nature and my all-too often, casual and careless attitude in approaching Your throne of grace and mercy and tossing an "obligatory" prayer request at your feet. I am ashamed to the very marrow of my bones for my show of disrespect and dishonor to You and to Your children.

I am learning more and more that there is nothing that supercedes in value or investment the treasure of time that we spend in communion with our Creator and our Lord. How easily we can become bankrupt in this area.

And now, I will tell you that I truly do not want this to be just a momentary pang of regret for not being the intercessor God has called me to be. Whether you pray for Kenneth or not is between you and God and it's not something I need to know about. Whether I pray for you, your loved one, or a situation of concern is something I know God is going to keep before me in the future. He brings awareness of my shortcomings to me in order for change to result. I am now fully aware of this particular one. I am also reminded how God chastens those He loves and right now, there is no doubt that I am loved. Praise be to God who does this as only He can do.