CAUTION...This blog post is all about me feeling sorry for myself. I wrote it out of frustration and to let off some steam and worry...God let me have my little emotional snit and then reined me back in to where I need to be...resting in Him. Please feel free to skip it and go on to the next one which is about Kenneth and his friend, Luis and is back to being about our ministry. :)
Well, since the car is once again at the mechanic’s…3rd
time this week, I have some unexpected “free time” today and thought I would
try to get you caught up with us again. This
blog is being written more for my sake than for your information. It’s going to be like the jiggly thing that
lets steam out on a pressure cooker. If
it doesn’t release that pressure, it will blow up. That’s how I feel today.
Since our return from the States at the end of November, way
too much of our time and resources have been spent on car issues. I find
that frustrating on so many levels…we’ve had to cancel plans, change schedules
and miss out on numerous opportunities…and those are just the things we’ve
known about…who knows what we may have missed and not even be aware of it?
We know a 13 year old car with over 147,000 known and
hard-earned kilometers put on it is bound to have some problems and those
normal kinds of things like new shocks, brakes, tires, battery, etc. are not
the issue. It’s the continuing electrical
problems that continue to plague us and the lack of ability to get replacement
parts that are now starting to create even more issues.
Jim and I agree that we would be fine with our car…if it
could just work as it should. The
problem is that has not happened for a long time now and we’ve just been
putting costly band-aid after band-aid on the problems and it’s never “fixed”. We just keep thinking if we just this one
more thing worked on, then we should be good to go…that’s just not happened and
I don’t know if it ever will. We, or at
least I, have reached the point where I no longer feel safe and secure in our
car as we should. We just can’t depend
on it. We’ve reached the place that we’re
no longer feeling that we can be effective in our own ministry when we can’t
follow through with the plans that we have made because of car problems. It seems as though this is like a line of
dominoes that’s been knocked over and they are now falling faster and faster
and we can’t stop them.
We have adapted to not having a radio or cd player…that
forces us to use that car time for other things, prayer time, conversation,
solitude with the Lord. We’ve even
adjusted to not having a working speedometer or gas gauge. Neither of which I am happy without but we’ve
managed and as long as the odometer works, we can get along without them. We try to avoid driving at night since the
headlights, turn signals and taillights all choose to work sporadically. Those issues are traced back to the electrical
problems, which just can’t seem to be resolved, and are also now, somehow
causing a drain on the battery so that we’re never sure when the car is going
to start and when it’s not. That coupled
with the problem with the door locks and windows has now knocked down the next
domino which is that it’s affected the car alarm system as well. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes the interior light works, sometimes
it doesn’t. The a/c problems continue
and I don’t honestly understand why or even if that has anything to do with the
rest of the car problems but without being able to roll our windows up and
down, we have to have a/c…or to be honest, I should say that’s the one luxury I
really would like to hold on to here.
So, you might wonder if I do anything other than complain
about this car. I do. I cry.
And I pray. I have prayed asking
God to just keep it going and to keep us safe, and He’s been incredibly
faithful to do so. As a matter of fact,
I can’t imagine what we would have dealt with if He hadn’t kept His hand on us.
So far, we’ve not been stranded anywhere
that has put us in danger. And so far,
we’ve not had anyone break in to our car or try to open the doors when they
were unlocked. He’s protected us as we’ve
traveled out of town in to areas with which we’re not familiar and He’s brought
us back home safely. So, in spite of my
complaints, my Father is so good to us.
So, I have to tell you with a sense of embarrassment that
this morning, I prayed for God to provide a more reliable vehicle for us – one that
would still allow us to go to the more remote areas that we sometimes find
ourselves and one that would function as it should. It’s the first time I’ve seriously prayed for
a different car and even though I did so with great hesitation, I’m ashamed to
say that I did ask for that. I really do
try not to pray for “things” but to pray for God’s will. I want to be content in my
circumstances. This morning, seemed to
get the best of me. Paul would not have
been happy with me, that’s for sure!
I shared that with Jim when he got back from dropping the
car off at the mechanic’s and we talked about it…about how guilty we feel in
even asking for such a thing and yet not sure what else we can do. So, instead of praying for a different car, we
have decided to begin a concentrated praying together that God will resolve
this car issue once and for all. If He
can get our old car fixed to where it’s safe and operates as it should, we’re
good with that. We really are. If that’s not to be the answer, then we’ve
decided that’s something the Lord will work out.
It was after Jim prayed with me that I could
feel much of my apprehension and guilt of my own prayer dissipate. I’m so thankful for a husband that ministers
to me in the way that I most need.
The Lord really has kept His hand on us and I need to focus
on that far more than on this situation.
It’s not often that I get so completely discouraged about something, but
I’ve allowed this car thing to occupy far too much space in my mind and on this
blog. So, now that I’ve gotten that out
of my system (hopefully!)…let’s look at some of the other things that have been
going on with us. The next blog is back to the subject of ministry.
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