Tatiana told me that the reason Luis hadn’t been at school for the last week was because he didn’t have any shoes. “No shoes?” I asked her. She shook her head no and some of the kids began to laugh. A Mama Bear emerged from the English teacher at that moment. I scolded the children for laughing. One of the boys kept laughing and continued to make fun of Luis not having shoes. I turned to him and asked him how he would feel if we took his shoes and he had to go without them the rest of the day. He immediately sobered up and I noticed he tucked his feet tightly under his desk. Great…I was sure he was probably going to go home and tell his mother that the English teacher was terrorizing him by threatening to take away his shoes!
The children told me that Luis was poor. That statement was nothing less than pure irony. They all are poor. But I guess just like most of us, they feel better about their own situation if they find someone who appears to be worse off than they are. Luis, while absent, was making them all feel good at that moment…even though most of them had on ill-fitting shoes themselves it didn’t seem to matter…they had shoes.
After class, I talked with Carla, the regular teacher. She told me that Luis’ mother was a very hard woman and that when Carla had visited their home recently about all of Luis’ absences, the mother didn’t seem to be terribly concerned. Carla indicated that she didn’t know whether the shoe story was legitimate or not. She said that Luis probably would not promote to the 4th grade as he’s not been in class enough this past year to learn the necessary material. And even though I understood and even agreed with holding Luis back, it still made me sad. I was afraid it would just give the children another reason to make fun of Luis.
L
uis is a sweet little guy but he doesn’t bond well with the other boys in the class. He tends to play with the girls and chooses to sit with them in the classroom. And although I’ve never seen him play soccer or baseball with the other boys, that morning was the first time I had ever seen the boys acknowledge his existence, let alone be openly cruel about him. They usually ignored him. Here is a picture of him playing a board game with the girls at recess.I decided I wanted to ask Pastora if we could buy Luis shoes…he needed to be in school. I was wanting her to find out what size shoes he needed. Unfortunately, Pastora was having conferences with parents all day long and I wasn’t able to talk to her. I saw David and asked him if he would talk to Pastora for me when he had his meeting with her later in the day. He said he would and the day went on. David had an emergency with one of the workers at Pastor Manuel’s church and was going to have to take him to the hospital in Managua. He wasn’t sure when he would be back. I figured I could talk to Pastora after school.
That afternoon, I talked with Luis’ sister, Magela. I had just found out that morning that Luis and Magela were from the same family. That is not unusual for me not to know these things…many last names are different. Last names are formed with both the mother’s maiden name and the father’s names used. It gets confusing, especially in a small town like Los Cedros where it is not uncommon to have several fathers for a family. I generally just know the kids by their first names, not their double last names.
I decided to ask Magela if Luis was sick…I wanted to see if what the kids had told me that morning was true or not. Magela told me that he had been sick but he wasn’t anymore. I asked her why he wasn’t at school. She acted a little embarrassed but told me that he didn’t have any shoes. I didn’t react other than to ask her if she knew what size shoes Luis wore. She hesitated a minute and then looked down at the feet of one of the girls standing not too far from us and said that maybe a little smaller than hers. Okay, I should have known better than to ask a fifth-grader a question like that.
Let me tell you about Magela…she is one I’ve been working on getting to know better. She had some serious discipline problems with her regular teacher a few months ago and had been sent home. I was unaware of that situation but when she began pulling some of the same sort of stuff with me, I warned her several times and when she chose to continue to misbehave, I had to follow through with the consequences, which was having to go speak to Pastora.
Magela was not at all happy about that. She remained cold, distant and hard, refusing to respond to either Pastora or me when we tried talking with her. Pastora told me at that time that Magela’s mother was a very hard and ill-tempered woman and that Magela was just like her. All of that was said within earshot of Magela. That broke my heart and I watched as Magela’s face hardened even more so than previously.
I stepped right in front of Magela and even though she wouldn’t look at me, I told her that I felt like she had great potential and that she could be a very good student. I told her I was worried about her and the choices she was making. I began to list all her good qualities that I had observed in class and finished by telling her that although I saw all those positives in her that disrespect and blatant disobedience would never be permissible in our English class and that rule applied to everyone without exception. She glared at me in return.
I told her I was sorry that she was so angry inside and that I wished I could help her because I cared very much for her. I also told her that I knew that God did not create her to be angry and filled with resentment towards authority and that not all authority was bad. I saw her eyes fill up with tears and I told her that if I could help her with her lessons or if she just needed to talk to someone about things that were bothering her, that even though I didn’t understand Spanish very well, I understood what it felt like to hurt inside. Her tears spilled over. I put my arm around her, kissed her on the top of her head and told her I loved her. She remained stiff as a board and completely silent. I said that the next time we met for class, we would have a fresh start. And then I left her to the lectures of Pastora.
Later on, when I was leaving for the day, I had to drop some things off in the office. Magela was sitting at the table in the outer office, looking at a book. Obviously, Magela was being disciplined. Pastora had left for the day so I turned to leave. I walked over to Magela and it was just the two of us in the office. I put my arm around her and kissed her head again, telling her once more that I cared very much about her and that I would see her in our class the following Tuesday. She quickly gave me a hug and when I looked down at her face, I saw those same teary eyes framed by a much softer face than I had seen earlier.
No more was said about it and the following Tuesday came. Magela w
asn’t there. I wondered about her. But the following Thursday, she was in class and was very well behaved. There were no disruptions, rude comments or fits of anger. She did her work and I made a point of commenting on what a good job she had done. I often pat the kids on the back or touch their shoulder or head as I talk to them or help them with their lessons. I’ve learned that many of them need to learn that not all touches from an adult are hurtful. It has taken a lot of time to get to that point with some of them – Magela being one of those. But we’ve made giant strides in that direction. In this photo, Magela is in the pink blouse standing behind the other two girls.I interrupted my story about Luis to tell you about Magela so that you would have a better idea about the woman with whom we were dealing regarding this shoe issue. I think that life is so hard in that house and has taken so much from the mother just trying to keep her family going that she has nothing left to give in the way of compassion or tenderness. Unfortunately, that is also shaping her children.
Back to the shoe story…it was time for my last class of the day – 4th grade. Recess happens to be right after my class with them and the kids are always chomping at the bit to get outside to play. When I dismissed them for their recess, I noticed José Abraham, one of the boys who is always one of the first out the door, was still sitting in his chair. I told him he could go on to recess. He said he couldn’t play. I asked him why not and asked if he was in trouble with his regular teacher – which would not be a surprise. He’s another one who has anger control issues and is often in trouble for behavior issues. He shook his head no and pointed down to his feet. The sole was coming off his left shoe. It was a cheaply made shoe and was a type where the sole had been glued on. It was almost completely off. What on earth was going on with this shoe thing?!
I asked him if he had another pair of shoes he could wear to school, thinking we could try to get that pair repaired. He said no – that was his only pair. He looked miserable. We walked out to the playground area and the sole of his shoe flopped as he walked. I asked if he knew what size shoe he wore and he gave me a size. I guess we were going to be buying two pairs of shoes.
Pastora was still tied up when it was time for us to go home. On the way home, Jim and I talked about the boys needing shoes. We knew what size we needed for José Abraham but didn’t know about Luis yet. We decided we would go ahead and buy several pairs of shoes, each pair a different size in hopes that perhaps one pair would fit Luis.
When we got home, we were telling Felix about the shoe situation at school. He told us that we needed to go to the Oriental Market to buy shoes because they carry better shoes than the Israel market and yet they are much cheaper. We reminded Felix that we didn’t go into the Oriental Market so we were willing to pay a little more and go to the Israel. Felix wouldn’t hear of it. He told us he would go for us the next day and would buy whatever kind of shoes we wanted. It was really special to see Felix so eager to be a part of helping someone else. He’s a good Christian and this is not out of character for him but it’s uplifting to see it each time it happens, so we agreed and told him to go the next morning and just come to work afterwards.
I wrote down a list of sizes for Felix and gave him the money…I also gave him the necessary bus fare as the Oriental Market is on the north side of Managua and I knew he would have to take several different buses to get there and back. When he came to work the next day after his trip to the Oriental, he brought the 5 different sizes of tennis shoes for us that we had requested. He was so proud that he had a part in this and detailed each step of his shopping expedition on that hot morning.
The shoes looked like they were actually pretty well made which was a pleasant surprise but the largest pair still looked to be too small for José Abraham. When Jim and I were out doing our errands that day, we decided to run to PayLess to get another pair. Yes, we have PayLess Shoes here but they’re not nearly as cheap as they are in the U.S. So, we may have paid less than if we had bought a pair at the mall, but we paid twice as much as a pair from the Oriental cost! No wonder Felix thought it was worth the time and effort to go there.
Thursday morning at school, I was so excited about the shoes. I could hardly wait to talk to Pastora and as I was finishing up my first class of the day, she came in to the classroom to tell me that school was going to let out at 11:00 that morning and that she had forgotten to let us know. Not a problem…those kinds of surprises, while sometimes are inconvenient, are also serendipitous gifts of time.
I took that opportunity to talk to Pastora about Luis. He wasn’t in class again that morning. Obviously, his mother hadn’t been able to get him shoes yet. Pastora reiterated much of what Carla and the kids had told me which only gave me more assurance that we did the right thing in buying him shoes. I also told her about José Abraham and his shoe issue from Tuesday and told her that if it was okay with her, that we would like to give both the boys a pair of shoes. She shrugged and said that if that’s what we wanted to do. I told her that we would take them to the office and she could be the one to give the kids their shoes. She told me she didn’t have time as she was still having parents’ meetings and that she would rather I just take care of it.
Pastora said that she appreciated us doing that but she was upset with the mother…that she should have come and told the school that the children didn’t have shoes. She said that if the mother didn’t get Luis shoes, then she wouldn’t get José Abraham shoes either. I stopped for a minute and cocked my head trying to figure out if I had understood her correctly. She realized I didn’t understand so she repeated the sentence and then added to it that the children just weren’t well taken care of in their home and that the mother was very hard to talk to about anything.
Oh my goodness! Luis and José Abraham were brothers and Magela was José Abraham’s sister!!! I had no idea. I quickly started thinking on the various behavior issues of each of the children. The common thread between the two oldest seemed to be anger control and Luis was acting out in his own way. That is one hurting family.
I asked Pastora if there was some way to get Luis to the school so we could get him his shoes. She told me that she would send Magela home to get him. Magela said their mother was busy and Pastora told her that she needed to bring Luis to school for just a few minutes. Magela didn’t look happy with her errand but off she went. I told Pastora we would stay until Luis got there.
While waiting on Luis, I went to the 4th grade class which was meeting out in the rancho that morning, and asked the teacher if I could borrow José Abraham for just a few minutes. She said yes. I told him I needed to talk to him and asked him to come with me. He got up and began walking with me. I saw he had on a terrible beat up pair of tennis shoes. I asked him where he got those shoes. He told me they were his cousin’s and he borrowed them to come to school.
I told him I had a surprise for him. He looked up at me and wrinkled his nose in the traditional way they have of doing here…their way of asking “What?” without actually asking. I asked him if he knew Jesus. He said yes. I asked if He believed God cared for him. He kind of shrugged his shoulders and then said yes. I asked him if He believed God gives us gifts. He nodded his head yes, nervously chewing on his fingernails as we walked towards our little house at the school.
When we got to the door, I told him to go on inside. He hesitated for minut
e but then went in. I told him to sit down and then Jim began pulling out the shoes. His eyes got big and he grinned from ear to ear. He quickly pulled off his shoes revealing a dirty, holey sock encasing dirty feet. Again, my heart just hurt. But José Abraham didn’t need my pity…he needed new shoes. So we got down to the business of trying on shoes. Thank goodness, we had gone ahead and bought that additional pair from PayLess as the others were too small. José Abraham was thrilled. I put his cousin’s shoes in a plastic bag and told him I would take them to the office and he could get them on his way home. He's the one on the right in this picture.I told him that the shoes were a gift from God and not from us. I asked him if he understood that and he said he did. I then told him to go back to class. He jumped up, gave me a hug and then hugged Jim and literally ran back to the rancho. New tennis shoes have to be tried out!
A little later, Pastora came to the door of our casita (our little house) and told us that Luis and his mother were there. I asked them all to come in. We greeted one another but only with handshakes. The woman did not look happy to be there and when she smiled when we were introduced, it was only with her mouth, her eyes remained hard and cold. I felt uneasy…not for myself but for the kids.
Luis had on an old torn pair of chinelas…the cheapest plastic sandals that can be bought here. You see them everywhere. They are made in China and it is the common shoe of the poor. We repeated the trying on of shoes and she picked a pair that was too big for Luis. When Jim told her that he had too much space in the toe, she said that was the pair she wanted. Jim tried the toe length again and asked Luis if the shoes felt too. He looked at his mother and then said the same thing...those were the ones he wanted. Shoes with room to grow for a child whose spirit wasn’t. She stiffly thanked us for the shoes and moved towards the door. She was rough with Luis when she spoke to him and when she pushed him towards the door.
I hugged Luis and told him I missed him in class. I told him he was a very important part of our class and that we were sad when he wasn’t there. He smiled and hugged me. I then looked at his mother and said that now that he had shoes, I hoped to see him the next Tuesday. He nodded his head. She only looked at me and then opened the door to go on outside. Pastora thanked us again for the shoes and then the mother thanked us, but it was more of an obligatory thanks, than true appreciation. We told her that the shoes were a gift from God. She again just looked at us and then turned and walked away. Luis followed.
We were so glad that we could help the boys with shoes – they needed them desperately. I wondered what the mother needed? It would be easy to answer “Jesus”. After all her behavior doesn’t seem to indicate that she is a believer. But I’ve known far too many Christians whose own behavior is far from Christ-like…mine own included at times. It is just so easy to point fingers and assess blame.
All afternoon, I thought about her. Just how difficult life is for her from day to day, I cannot even pretend to know but I can imagine where some of her anger must originate from. The causes are complex. She carries a tremendous burden trying to take care of her 4 children (1 is in public school) and I’m sure that there must be a high level of frustration in seeing that she’s not doing a good job of it. New shoes from the gringa teacher probably didn’t help any with that. I think she probably felt embarrassed about the situation and may have resented our interfering. And although the children are her responsibility, their lack of adequate food and clothing may not be her fault. I don’t know. I do know that at least she’s trying to work. I think instead of trying to assess blame, the better thing to do would be to try to find a solution.
Because ultimately, this isn’t about shoes at all. It’s about people. And as I’m typing this, I hear the Lord speaking to me that I can’t fix people and that it’s not my job to try. My job is to be obedient to whatever the task is He puts before me…whether that is to buy new shoes for hurting children or to pray for their hurting mother. All are in need of sole/soul repair.
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