Miguel and Elizabeth...

I want to update you on the situation with Miguel and Elizabeth. Miguel is the young man I tutor in English two days a week and Elizabeth is his wife. Many of you are familiar with their story and there are three folks from Cassville who have had the privilege of meeting them. They are a very special couple to us and we recently were given the opportunity to share God’s Word with them and what it says in regards to marriage.

Like most couples here, staying together seems to be a challenge for them and trying to keep them together is certainly a challenge for us. Much like folks in the U.S., neither of them are thrilled to take responsibility for their own failures yet are quick to point their finger at the other. I love Miguel to pieces and would do anything for him. But, I’m not blind to his faults. And Elizabeth is like a little child in so many respects that my maternal instincts fairly jump to her defense…but she is not without blame for their problems.

Counseling folks who are rooted in their own beliefs that conflict with God’s Word is not always a pleasant task in my native tongue. Trying to do it in a language in which I barely manage to make myself understood at the grocery store is a real challenge. Toss in the cultural differences and this counseling thing definitely takes on an interesting bent. There are times I want to just shout, “Are you kidding me?” when I hear of so-called offenses that I deem silly yet I realize if the shoe was on the other foot, I’m sure our culture has the potential to seem just as foolish in certain practices to many others in the world. The saving grace in this, literally, is that God’s Word cuts through all that. His truth is universal and timeless. How amazing is that? I am so thankful that God’s ways are different than man’s and that His thoughts are higher. That actually has made this process go much more smoothly than anticipated.

The problems Miguel and Elizabeth have are not mine to share. Suffice to say they have had problems from the very beginning of their marriage…Miguel is a Christian, Elizabeth does not yet know Jesus Christ as her Savior. Unequally yoked. That’s explanation enough. We’re praying that we get to see her come in to that relationship with Jesus.

Even though I don’t want to make their personal issues public, I do want to tell you about our day in Tipitapa. After our little encounter with the policeman, we managed to travel problem free to Miguel’s house and safely deliver his dresser. Miguel and Elizabeth live in a house that is maybe 10’ x 12’ maximum. The floor is dirt and the only opening, save for the holes and gaps in the walls and ceiling, is the door…there is no window. To say the house is modest is an exaggeration.

Miguel and Elizabeth share a twin bed, which takes up almost ½ the house…it literally reaches from wall to wall. There is a bright pink mosquito net hanging from the ceiling which surrounds the bed. Although it looks romantic, its purpose is functional. It not only helps keep the voracious mosquitoes at bay, it also is a thin layer of protection at night from the rats that want to lay claim to Miguel’s house, incuding his bed. There is a small dresser right next to their bed which also acts as their t.v. stand. This was Elizabeth's Christmas present that Miguel bought with his year-end bonus money... an obligatory amount by law. He so desperately wants to make their little house a "home" for his wife as that's her desire...a home. The t.v. is kept covered with a towel to try to keep the dust at a minimum. I think the small t.v. might possibly have been used…it’s fairly new to Miguel and Elizabeth but doesn’t look like a new set. Miguel also uses this dresser as a place to put his books, their several towels, plus personal items. There is a small table which holds the gas stovetop we bought for them for Christmas. Is it safe in there? Nope. But neither is it safe outside as it would quickly disappear. Miguel has put some nails in the walls to hang their two pans on. The new dresser was purchased to hold their few clothes plus the few other items they have kept in two small plastic totes on the floor. Another surprise for Elizabeth...and one for which Miguel has been saving for a long time. It fit perfectly in the only place for it. Although, precious floor space was lost, the ability to store things in a dresser was well worth the trade-off.

When we arrived, Kenet, Miguel’s nephew who has cancer, was sitting out back coloring in a color book with some crayons I had sent over to him the week before. He looked great! His hair has grown back in and he’s looking stronger and filling out. His eyes were bright and he was loving and talkative, sticking close by, holding my hand, stroking my arm…white skin is such an attraction and skin as white as mine, is a real curiosity. It was so good to see him acting and looking like any other child – with the exception of wearing the ½ mask and his frequent rest breaks. He would go sit down and stay very still, as if trying to recharge his energy levels. After awhile, he would be up and around again but all too soon, another rest break would be needed. We believe that Kenet’s progress is a direct result of your prayers of intercession for his health…please don’t stop!

We also were welcomed like long lost friends from Miguel’s mother…hugs and kisses and stories of her own health issues. She has diabetes which she treats with oral medication when she has the money to buy it. She’s a determined woman. Although she was still in her gown when we arrived, she was up, cooking and stirring around. One of Miguel’s brothers, Isaiah, was also there with his little boy, Ezekiel. While cordial, Isaiah didn’t have much interaction with us…the novella (soap opera) on the t.v. was much more interesting than the boring gringos. Ezekiel on the other hand, while keeping his distance, followed us everywhere, watching our every move. Every now and then, I am reminded of how different we are at first glance…our skin color, our nationality, our age. I hope that the differences continue to be as obvious to non-believers the more they get to know us…

We spent about an hour at Miguel’s, playing with the kids, playing with the new puppy and kitty, visiting with the family and looking at the soon-to-be butchered mama pelibuey (a cross between a sheep and a goat). This is usually done only at Christmas or the New Year but Kenet has his ninth birthday tomorrow and it will be done in his honor. The doctors have said they’re not sure he will be here to see his 10th. We are praying differently. The family has asked us to attend Kenet’s party and we wouldn’t miss it for anything.

After visiting for awhile, I finally asked Miguel if it would be possible for us to go see Elizabeth. His face revealed every emotion he felt…shock, fear, excitement, anger, hope…and more fear. A man’s pride in this culture is everything. His first response was that he was not going to go ask his wife, who chose to leave him, to come back. I asked him only to do what God would want him to do, not what his culture expected him to do. He said he would think about it and then said he wanted us to stay for lunch. We said we would love to do so. Miguel then disappeared in to his mother’s house for a bit.

We found out later than he had left to go buy chicken so that his guests would have meat to eat. That kind of thing always gets to me. There would not have been chicken that day if we were not there. Buying chicken meant something else wouldn’t be bought. I so desperately wanted to give them the money for the chicken but I wouldn’t offend Miguel or his family for anything and to offer to pay for the lunch we had accepted an invitation to would have been an insult. I also have to be careful to make sure that the family doesn’t see Jim and me as their answer for all their needs…we want this family to depend on God. Upon his return from the market, Miguel said he wanted to take us to Elizabeth. We got in the car, prayed and headed over to her grandmother’s house.

I have tried to write this next part three different times but I can’t do it and still maintain the degree of privacy that I feel is necessary. And obviously, Kodak moments weren't appropriate. There are some things that are just too personal and private to share in such a manner as this. The specific problems and intimacies of a marriage are not meant to be discussed in a public forum. So, I apologize to you for not being able to tell all the details of that visit. Really, I think all that’s necessary to say is that Elizabeth is now back home with Miguel and they seem to be doing well. Both are beginning to recognize their own shortcomings and are working on their communication skills. Yesterday, Miguel told me they have begun reading the Bible together each night and praying together. That is a huge step.

There are moments of our visit to Elizabeth’s grandmother’s house that I do want to share with you. At one point, Jim and I were sitting in the front room of Elizabeth’s aunt’s house which is connected to the grandmother’s house. We were in the middle of a very serious discussion with the aunt and I was sharing God’s word with her on marriage when I felt something at my foot. I glanced down, momentarily distracted from my concentrating on how to translate a certain point to see a scrawny, half-grown, moth-eaten-looking black chicken with a broken string tied around its neck, pecking furiously at my shoe. It took me a few seconds to get my thoughts put back on track but I did manage to stay on task, despite the constant attack on my tennis shoe!

It was so hot in that dirt-floor house and not even a wisp of wind blew through the open door or the single window, but even so, it was hotter out in the searing sun. Sitting in the front room was definitely the better choice. Jim was sitting on a roughly made wooden bench which also served as a table and I had the honor of the one chair that wasn’t broken, a plastic chair…the other one, a rocker, had broken reeds in the seat and the aunt was rocking a crying baby about a year old. Both ends of the child were wet and I imagine he was as miserable as he looked. The room had a few photos on the wall and several pictures that would appeal to children. There was a small t.v. on a wooden table in the corner and a small home-made cage under the table…obviously the chicken’s home. There was a large pan full of dirty dishes sitting on the floor in the kitchen area…their barrio had been without water for three days. The smell of beans burning on the fire out back permeated the house. It seemed to be a Hemingway moment brought to life. Sounds so “so-what” when I try to describe it now. But the thing is, it was just so Nica-like.

Another moment that sticks out in my mind occurred a little later. It is when the grandmother asked me to come in to her house and to speak with Elizabeth. I think the older women all thought I was going to be their last hope in getting Elizabeth to decide to stay there and not to return to Miguel. After all, I was a woman and I understood and even agreed with some of the things they were protesting. Problem was, I wasn’t turning out to be their Great White Hope, after all.

The aunt was standing at the doorway to the small bedroom that Elizabeth and her grand-mother were sharing. The front room was filled with cousins and I think even a neighbor or two might have managed their way in to the group. All talking stopped as I walked through the front room. Jim stood in the front doorway, apprehensive to let me out of his sight. Nicas are very passionate people and it’s not unusual for family arguments to erupt in to some sort of violence.

As Elizabeth and I talked in the tiny room, that thought crossed my mind as the voices out back of the house were beginning to escalate. I can’t say I actually prayed to God at that moment, but I know in my mind I was hoping He would not let me die so hot and sweaty with the next-door chicken pecking at my shoe…I really do hope to have more of a gracefully- swooning-back-on-my-pillow-moment as my last earthly hurrah. God wasn’t ready for such drama from me in either case, obviously, as we all parted ways peaceably, even if not in complete agreement.

Speaking of drama, one of the other things that struck me was in the midst of this live family novella, we were consistently treated as honored guests. Welcomed, hugged, kissed, privy to family stories and family shame, truth and lies…still, I can’t help but wonder what was said as they tearfully watched the Americanos’ green 4-Runner finally leave, taking their beloved Elizabeth away. I know Elizabeth’s heart was broken by the hurtful things said to her as she walked out the door to re-join her husband. I know their hearts were broken watching her leave. I know Miguel’s heart had been broken 10 days earlier.

Love and marriage. Sometimes in Nicaland, it seems like it’s more of a human poker game and it’s all about winning. When there’s separation and division in a marriage or in a family, no one wins. It takes much longer to heal a heart than it does to break it. We’re praying for Miguel and Elizabeth but also, now, for the entire family. All their efforts and all their ploys netted them absolutely nothing. They were a lot like that scrawny little chicken…insistently scratching, pulling and pecking yet not getting a single thing of value to fill the empty space. My goodness, we need God’s wisdom and His guidance to successfully work with this family…and they need Him.