Finally...yet again!

I’ve come to the conclusion that I will never get caught up…and that I will never catch the rest of you up with all that happens in our days here.  I have wondered why it used to be so much easier for me to make the time to sit down and write.  I decided that was before we found ourselves “working” seven days a week!  I’ve also decided that we’ve allowed ourselves to get bogged down in all that we’re doing to the point that we’re facing some serious burnout.  What that means is that we’ve more than likely taken on more than what God told us to take on or in ways that He had never intended.  That’s wrong, as well as exhausting. 

First of all…Happy Anniversary to us!  We’ve been here three years now!  In some respects, the time has flown by…in others, I wonder if Jesus would be willing to move the date up on His return!  Have we acclimated?  For the most part.  Does this feel like home?  As much as any place can feel like home for people who don’t feel like they have one anymore.  Are we fluent in Spanish?  Not even close!  Are we glad we’re here?  Most days.  Has our ministry turned out the way we had envisioned?  Another not even close!  Do we still struggle?  Every day in one way or another.  Has it been worth it?  Only Jesus can answer that…we belong to Him.  What are we doing now?  Holding on. 

Mondays through Fridays (and sometimes, Saturday and/or Sunday afternoons), we can usually be found at CINAFE, the child protection center that we are currently volunteering at in the position of overseers.  It has to be one of the most taxing and tiring things we’ve done since arriving here three years ago…and that’s saying a lot considering I thought teaching at Los Cedros was going to lead to my early demise!

We have seen some amazing changes in the 15 children who currently live there.  One of the girls who was a master of manipulation when we first arrived has undergone a remarkable transformation.  She is hungry to know more and more about Jesus.  She is quick to help and has taken on the role of mentor to some of the littlest ones there at CINAFE.  She is a good student and has been demonstrating her natural leadership qualities.  She still makes some poor decisions and did so again recently, but for the first time ever, she has shown some genuine remorse for her behavior.  That’s a pretty big step for her. 

Another young girl would not allow any physical touch from us.  I could not put my arm around her or touch her shoulder when we first arrived.  Now, she almost knocks us over to give us her after-school hugs.  She will come in the office and just sit and talk…about her day, about her family, about school and best of all, about God.  She has memorized numerous scriptures and she is now starting to understand that although knowing God’s Word is wonderful to know, He expects us to put in to practice what we’ve learned.  That’s a harder lesson to learn…but isn’t it for all of us?

We are now entering a dangerous time at CINAFE…about 1/2 of our children are now 12 and older.  That means that there is a constant surge of hormones happening at any given time which only adds to the unpredictability of life there.  If that weren’t challenging enough, we also have staff issues, government regulations, upcoming presidential elections and all that entails, constant maintenance issues and rising prices.  We feel we are in a precarious position of trying to manage CINAFE in a way that honors God and meets the expectations of the organization’s ministerial board while trying to keep our employees in a state of satisfaction plus parenting 15 kids in a Christian manner in a culture that is so different from our own.  I’m sure it would be easier if we were 30 years young…we’re not!

There are days that we don’t get home until 8:00 at night.  We’ll have staff problems or problems with the children which makes it feel more like midnight when we’re leaving or we will have kids who just need some personal attention.  They know that we start trying to leave between 5:00 and 6:00 and somehow, that seems to be the exact time that one of them wants to talk, or they want to play volleyball or handgames or just hang on us for awhile.  Somehow, they don’t understand that we’re not 30 years younger so there are many nights that we go home with achy muscles or bruises or dirty handprints on what had been a relatively clean shirt…but we also go home those nights with smiles on our tired, line-etched faces and in our uplifted hearts.  Those nights are much more frequent now than they were a year ago which is a blessing…but it is also very tiring!

We have been able to implement some different programs for the children there and hopefully, these will grow in to something that will help contribute to a brighter future for these kids.  We now have a general scholarship fund set up for the children so that those who seek to further their education after secondary school (that’s like our high school) can have the opportunity to do so.  This fund is to be used for either college or a type of vocational training and we’re praying that this will someday be utilized by all of our children.  The need for a good education is so important if these kids hope to have a better life than the one they knew before they came to us.   

We also now have three treadle sewing machines that were donated by the Kenmore Kiwanis group from Ohio.  We have hired a woman who teaches sewing to come in twice a week to teach the older children how to use the machines so that they will all have learned a basic skill.  Although some of the girls aren’t too crazy about learning this craft, others are demonstrating a real talent which is very exciting to see.  This class is building such self-confidence in some of our girls who have really struggled in this area so we have already considered this program a success.

Another venture has been teaching a class in jewelry making.  That one hasn’t taken off as we had hoped but mainly because our accessibility to affordable quality materials is pretty limited.  We are going to continue to pursue this but are in the process of trying to tweak the program so that the few who show some real promise in this craft, can continue to progress.

One of my favorite programs that we now have going, is the weekly Bible study and discipleship program we now have in place.  We have a local church who sends several young women over every week to work with the kids through songs, stories and lessons.  We have seen some real spiritual growth happening in several of our older girls and that has been so encouraging.

Soon, we will be having Jillian Hoover with us for a month and she is going to help us with a brief music program for the kids.  Jillian is from our home church and we are looking forward to seeing God use her musical talent to minister to these children.  We want the kids to learn how to read music and play the recorder.  We also recently bought a small used Casio keyboard which we are hoping to be able to incorporate in these lessons and we are currently looking for a guitar teacher for our 12 year old boy who loves to strum it and play around with chords.  We will also be having a friend of Jillian’s visit with us for a few weeks.  Crystal Odell also loves music so we’re expecting lots of harmonious sounds to emanate from our munchkins there at CINAFE!

Okay…that’s our update on CINAFE.  Now on to Tipitapa and Rayitas de Luz.  Saturdays are full days for us there.  We have our adult English class which last for 2 – 2 ½ hours in the mornings.  The class has dwindled down to about a solid dozen students.  And out of that dozen, about ½ of them are serious about learning English and those six make Saturday mornings worth the sacrifice of our 1 day a week of sleeping in. 

After class, we eat a quick lunch that Danelia and Arturo have prepared for us and then we’re back in the hot classroom to take on the 20+ kids who come every Saturday afternoon for their English class.  Those kids energize me, that’s for sure…at least for that hour or so because I’m always drained on the way back to Managua! 

Last week, we had a special activity for the parents of the children and had about 30 parents show up.  Danelia, Anibal (Danelia’s brother) and I each presented an aspect of parenting.  My talk was the last and although it was short, my focus in my pitiful Spanish was the importance of giving God first place in the marriage.  I hadn’t planned on a question and answer session afterwards but a man stood up and asked if Jim and I argued and how we settled them. 

I had to laugh when he asked me and I quickly assured him that we most certainly had disagreements and that we were two very different people in our personalities and our mannerisms which often presented a challenge when we were on opposite ends of something.  Everyone laughed as many of them already knew us.  I also told them that even when I didn’t feel like it, I try to defer to Jim as God has placed him as the spiritual head of our family.  I realized I had been given an opportunity to keep sharing about the difference between a God-centered marriage and a me-centered marriage and so I jumped on that.  Jim also spoke up and shared a little bit as well.  We all felt the program went very well.

We then had a drawing for three prizes that Jim and I provided.  We chose household items that any family could use…2 towels and 2 washcloths, a small pitcher with six plastic glasses and three packets of juice mix and finally, three plastic containers which held a can opener, a scrubby sponge and 4 rolls of dishwashing paste.  We also provided the refreshments of cake and soda.  It was such a festive time and the parents were so great.  

We were really surprised and pleased by the turnout but then, God had yet another surprise for us.  Three different couples approached Danelia after the program and told her that they decided they would like to be married and wanted to know if we would let them use the school.  When Danelia told me that, I was speechless.  Finally, I asked her what prompted that and she said she didn’t know but that’s what they wanted.

We discussed it at length and the only stipulation we put on the use of the building for their weddings was that they would have to counsel with a pastor before the wedding and have a pastor be a part of the ceremony.  There are two types of wedding services here, a religious service and a civil service.  A church or religious wedding is not considered a legal marriage in Nicaragua.  A legal marriage is done by a lawyer and the cost for the paperwork is minimal.  A religious wedding is recognized only by the church as a valid marriage.  So, we’re asking the couples to “marry” the two services so that they will have a marriage that is acknowledged by both the law and the church.  We’re excited to see how this progresses and the impact it will have in the community.

The other use for the building is now in the preliminary planning stages.  Beginning in June, Danelia is going to start offering a children’s Sunday School class on Sunday mornings.  There have already been quite a few parents who have said they would like to send their children to the class and she is estimating about 20 children who want to come. 

Kenneth’s health continues to decline.  His legs are so thin now as the muscles have atrophied and his arms are no longer strong like they once were.  The doctor at La Mascota, the children’s hospital, has upped his pain medicine now to every six hours.  Last Friday, we all felt sucker-punched when one of the pediatric oncologists told us that he not only thinks the tumor in the chest is growing, he also indicated he thinks the cancer may have spread to the brain. 

I’m not accepting that diagnosis yet as the doctor is basing it on the past history of another patient and the fact that Kenneth’s white cell count was highly elevated.  But there have been no other tests to confirm that so we’re praying against that diagnosis.  I am not at all a fan of how medicine is done here and what confidence I did have has waned considerably with that kind of doctoring. 

Although Kenneth is declining physically, his attitude has never been better.   He is eating again and when the pain medication is doing its job, he’s full of smiles and jabbers like a magpie.  He loves to play games and his newest favorite thing to do while we sit in the waiting area at the hospital are hidden object puzzles.  I have a big book of these kinds of puzzles and he loves finding something before Jim or I do.  Cancer may be taking a terrible toll on his body but it hasn’t dampened his competitive spirit one iota!  The kid is brutal! 

I make light of this because that’s how we are getting through this right now.  Every visit to La Mascota is torture for me…and I’m not the one getting stuck with needles and poked and prodded in all the painful places every two weeks.  But I am the one who sees the babies with huge protruding tumors over the eyes, toddlers with horribly extended misshapen bellies due to inoperable tumors, young girls and boys hopping around on one leg due to amputations from bone cancer, children who look more like stick figures than human beings who are so weak that their coughs sound like strangled mews thanks to the lung cancers from which they suffer…these visits almost always bring tears to my eyes and sometimes, I can’t hold those tears back.  I look around at all the children that we see each visit (there is an average of more than 70 children treated each day as outpatients in the cancer ward) and my heart literally hurts at their suffering.  Kenneth just sees new friends with whom to share his puzzles or toys.

One day, I think Kenneth sensed what I was thinking as I sat and looked around.  He never said a word but just took my hand and squeezed it as if to reassure me that everything was going to be okay…it was as though our roles reversed for a moment.  I sat and stared at him and was horrified at the thought that as much as I hate those hospital visits, I am going to be devastated if the day comes (and the doctors are all sure it will come), that there will no longer be a need for us to be there because Kenneth will have received his ultimate and eternal healing.  On that day, his pain will have ended but I’m afraid ours will continue for some time.  And I’m so selfish in this…Kenneth has become such a part of our lives here.  He’s more than a little boy with cancer…he’s a little boy whom we dearly love.  Please continue to pray for him. 

Now going south from Managua is our newest ministry venture.  I think I told you about Mercy Plate Ministries?  I will explain in case I haven’t and if I have…consider it a quick review!  It is a fledgling feeding program for the elderly in a community called Vera Cruz which is south of Managua…and no, Vera Cruz is not close to our home either!  It is run by a wonderful Nicaraguan Christian couple who are from the Atlantic Coast.  Due to scheduling conflicts with our time in Tipitapa, we are currently unable to be present to help Segard and Elsie with the actual serving of the food but we have been helping financially and encouraging them with prayers and advice.

We have been able to bless Mercy Plate with some games, dishes, silverware, food and today, we took a load of donated clothes and shoes down for Elsie to hand out on Saturday.  The program is growing so fast.  A few months ago, Elsie started out with about 9 seniors who came for her first Saturday evening meal.  Now, they’re up to about 50 on the roster.  She not only gives them a good hot nutritious meal, she also does blood pressure checks and offers them a time of fellowship. 

We’re working on trying to figure out a way to do a home delivery system once a week for those that are homebound so that we can get to know them and their families and begin building relationships with them.  So many do not know Jesus and we know time is so short for a great many of them.

Our “big dream” for them is to build a covered outside eating area so that the rainy season will not keep them from coming.  There is an enclosed building they can meet in but it’s hot and they love being outside.  We want to get some plastic tables and enough chairs for everyone.  Those are big dreams but Segard, Elsie, Jim and I all serve the God who owns the cattle on a thousand hills.  The project of building a simple rancho and some plastic chairs may look like a huge project to us…but we trust God to provide in His time.

Segard told us that many of the elderly in that community are skeptical of gringos coming in there as they associate so many of us with the Iran-Contra War so we have some hurdles to cross but we believe God has opened a door for us there and we don’t want to not step through it.  There is an uneasy dance with the churches in the community as they’re fearful of Segard wanting to start a “competitive” church.  Segard assured them that is not his intention but we all agree that we want to share Jesus with them.  Segard and Elsie are more about the service aspect whereas Jim and I want to be able to visit with the folks and find out where they are spiritually.  We’re also trusting God to provide us with that opportunity in His time. 

So, that’s a quick general overall snapshot of what we’re doing with our current ministries.  Before I end this I will tell you that this past year has been the most difficult year for me (and I would assume for Jim) for some time.  We will be coming back to the States in August and we’ve decided to stay for a couple of months this time.  We need some rest and we need to hear clearly from God what direction He wants us to go.  I am confident it will be to return here…I’m just not confident in what capacity.   We have many questions that we are laying before the Lord right now and we just want to be obedient to Him in our every response.  Thank you for your continued prayers, words of encouragement and support.  You are so precious to us.

Long overdue...

I’m not even sure how to begin this. I know it has been ages since I’ve blogged and at least twice that long since I’ve done a newsletter. Every few days or so, I tell myself that I’m going to carve out the time I need to “catch up” and yet I I don’t seem to ever start that carving process. As frustrating as that is for me, it was brought to my attention this past week that it is equally, if not more so, for some of you. All I can do is apologize for letting you down in this respect. I KNOW we’re super busy, (and I’ll be the first to admit that we’re probably too busy) but of course, I realize you have no way of knowing that unless I take the time to share just what it is that we’re doing. And if there is anyone who has the right to know what we’re doing here, it is all of you. 

First of all, God answered my prayer to help me find a block of time where I can actually sit and write. I’ve been sick with the flu the last 4 days and today is actually the first day that I’ve even felt like sitting up this long. This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind when I prayed that prayer of finding more time, believe me. But, I recognize an opportunity when I see it so I’ll try now to give you a decent recap of what we’ve been doing lately.

You are aware that we’ve moved to a much more secure place to live. Things are unpacked, the study is organized, flowers are planted but it still doesn’t feel like “home”. We have just recently put in 3 ceiling fans which is helping to keep the place cooler. We’re talking about painting the all vanilla-colored walls and replacing the blinds with curtains to help make it feel a little cozier. All the wall décor we had in our house is still waiting to be hung but we want to paint first before we hang them…with concrete walls, the fewer holes Jim has to make, the better. So, right now, we’re safe but still not feeling we have a home. I’m assuming that will happen at some point. Honestly, right now, we’re here so little most of the time that “home” seems to be way down on our “to do” list.  I don't have pics yet but maybe if we get moving on the improvements, I'll have some to show.

We continue to spend most of our time at CINAFE and so that’s where I’ll focus for this particular blog. Obviously, too much has happened to catch you up on everything at once. So, about CINAFE… To begin with, the children have just started their new school year and they are so excited. They are sporting new backpacks and new shoes. Many have new uniforms. Right now, it’s all great…but the routine of homework hasn’t gotten old yet so attitudes may change before long. 

The majority of the children have returned to the private school (where their tuition has been donated) but we have four of the children who have had to change schools. Thankfully, they are able to attend a school just a few blocks from the home which not only makes it convenient, but also, we’re praying that this will be a positive change for these children. We also continue to have a tutor several times a week to help those children who continue to struggle with their basic subjects. Many of our kids were way behind in their education when they came to us with some having to learn to read and write for the first time.

We are working on some new programs for the kids. They not only need a safe and healthy place to live, they also need to have some hope for a future that is different than their past. Thanks to a Kiwanis club in Ohio, we will soon be able to buy some sewing machines for our girls so that they can learn a life skill that they will always be able to use. Through some vocational and aptitude testing, we are discovering some of the older kids’ God-given gifts, abilities and interests with the idea of trying to nurture those through possible outside vocational training. 

For example, we have a girl who is extremely artistic, another one who is very interested in and very good in the field of cosmetology, a young man who is interested in carpentry and a girl who enjoys studying English. We all know some children are university material and some aren’t but regardless of their abilities and capabilities, we don’t want to try to force these children in to a mold that doesn’t fit them. So, in conjunction with that, our third stage of this “future of hope” program that is in the process now, is to set up a general Scholarship Fund for any of the CINAFE children who choose to continue with a higher education program or vocational school training. We are very excited about this opportunity for our kids.

Day to day life at CINAFE varies greatly. If ever there were a roller-coaster ride of a ministry, this one is it and it takes an unbelievable amount of time as well as physical and emotional energy to be there day after day. The “fix-it” side of me wonders why sharing the truth of God’s Word doesn’t just make it all better. But then, the truth of God’s Word answers that very question…Satan is a liar and a thief and that he has come to steal, kill and destroy. 

The challenges that we face every day at CINAFE, with both the staff and the children, are spiritual battles and they are wearying. Our Hope and our Strength are Jesus Christ and In Him, we hold on to the promises that we are more than conquerors…and He is who we want each one of the children and the staff at CINAFE to come to know as their Lord and Savior. That is a difficult step for so many of them to make as trust is not something that they are quick to give. These children need your prayers. The staff needs your prayers. And we certainly need your prayers. This is a heavy responsibility with eternal consequences.

Karen, our friend in Ohio and the wife of the CINAFE board president, came to spend part of the Christmas holiday at CINAFE. That was a fun and a very busy week. We had a Christmas party for about 40 children from our local neighborhood plus a poor neighborhood about 1 ½ kilometers away. An American gentleman, Dana, who comes to visit Nicaragua several times a year, rented a giant inflatable jump house castle and we had a Nicaraguan ministry team, Castillo Del Rey, come to entertain the kids. We had games, activities and refreshments ending the afternoon with a presentation of the gospel. It was a fun day for everyone.

One of the other highlights of that week was taking the children to a poor neighborhood in El Crucero, which is about 13 kilometers south of Managua and the community where all the children attended school last year. Thanks to some very generous folks who donated to this project, the children visited thirty homes, passing out plastic tubs filled with food, including a hot, cooked whole chicken and a loaf of fresh bread. The children took turns praying over each family and everyone sang carols, oftentimes with the families joining in. 

The children were in such high spirits, they loved doing this! And the reaction of the recipients was so touching. These were folks who lived in very poor conditions. More than once, we heard that the food baskets were an answer to prayer. One lady had six children and said she had fixed the last of her little bit of rice that morning and had no idea what she was going to feed them that night. Another was an older couple who cried tears of gratitude when they received their basket. Another was a grieving mother who had just buried her three year old daughter who had been hit and killed by a microbus. 

Of course, the word spread like wildfire and as usual, there were people who sought us out, asking for food and as usual, there wasn’t enough to go around. That was the saddest part to the day - having to tell people that there wasn’t any more to give. I don’t know that I’ll ever get used to that. 

There was another memorable event for the children and that was a visit to Ancianos Coronados. The church Jim and I attend, Covenant Church of Managua, reaches out each Friday and every other Saturday to a community of elderly in a neighborhood called Las Naciones in the south part of Managua. The church has a feeding program for the folks and they meet in the front yard of someone who has volunteered their home for this. 

We have such high regard for this program and thought this would be a good experience for our CINAFE kids so Jim and I arranged for them to have the opportunity to help serve lunch one Friday before Christmas. Each year, the kids minister in a neighborhood with food baskets (like they did in El Crucero), or caroling or hosting a neighborhood Christmas party but this year, we wanted to make them aware of another segment of people who are so often forgotten or mistreated here in Nicaragua, and that’s the elderly. We want the kids to learn to give as well as receive and we want them to learn the concept of serving others. But we also want them to recognize and respect their elders and to be open to the wisdom they can impart to them. This doesn’t just happen…it’s something we need to be intentional about facilitating.

When we first arrived, I think the children were a little apprehensive and maybe even a little intimidated but it didn’t take long for the generations to merge. The kids prayed and then sang Christmas Carols with many of the Ancianos joining in. Some of them closed their eyes and swayed to the rhythm of the songs. Some sat very still with tears quietly rolling down their weathered faces. Those were the ones who touched my heart the most. 

After the program, the children then passed out lunch that was prepared by a team of local neighborhood ladies that does this each week. It was a simple lunch of beans, rice and tortillas but for many of the Ancianos, that is one of the few hot meals they get each week. This is truly a neglected segment of society here. 

Many of the Ancianos suffer humiliation and abuse from their own families who view them as burdens and no longer productive or contributing members to the household. They are encouraged to eat their lunch there on site as it has been found that many of them get their food taken away from them if they try to take it home. It is heartbreaking and I am so thankful that our church has undertaken this ministry. These people come not only for the hot lunch, but also for the love and validation they receive each week. They never leave without hearing God’s Word. 

There were lots of smiles and even a few hugs exchanged that afternoon. The children finished out their time there with passing out food and hygiene packs to each Anciano in attendance. I wish that I could bottle the kind of joy that we saw on so many faces that day. The children did a great job of serving and their smiles were infectious. The Ancianos loved having the children there. 

Recently, we had a team from First Baptist Church, Cassville, MO. Their main ministry focus was spent in Tipitapa but they spent one afternoon with the kids at CINAFE and I’m not sure who had more fun…the kids or the team! We have seen a lot of teams come through CINAFE and we’re never quite sure how the kids are going to react, but I can honestly say that all the kids warmed up so quickly to the FBC team. Even our older girls, who can be a tough crowd to win over, absolutely went out of their way to make the team feel welcome. I was so proud of those kids! And so proud to share them with folks from home!

So, in general, that brings you up to date with our CINAFE kids. We have been with them for a year now. We have seen some of them at their worst and all of them at their best. We have celebrated birthdays and quinceañeras. We have helped with homework and taken away privileges. We have attended school events and sat in emergency rooms. We have wiped tears and played pranks. We have cheered and we have counseled. We have seen walls come down and barriers fall. We have gained the trust of some of the most closed-off children and have become a safe place for them to share their fears, frustrations, joys and sorrows. We have made the children laugh and cry and they have done the same to us. I don’t know when it happened exactly, but sometime in this past year, we have opened our hearts to the children of CINAFE, and they have each crept in and firmly planted themselves. And that’s why we continue to put in more hours than we should at CINAFE. We’ve fallen in love!

More on Kenneth...

Started this yesterday…finished it this afternoon. That is so typical of things here now… seems so hard to get anything completed when planned!

I’m sitting here at my desk at CINAFE and my aim was to work on next week’s schedule of events as it’s going to be a very busy week. The problem is all I can think about is Kenneth. I thought if I could “talk” about him with you, then it would help me express some of what I’m feeling and maybe be enough of a release that I can focus on what I need to be focusing on today.

We had planned on going to Tipitapa this past weekend, even though I’ve taken this month off from teaching, but I wanted to go check on Kenneth. Saturday, Susanna e-mailed to tell us she was flying back to the States for Christmas that following Monday and to let us know Pixie was “available” if we wanted to dog-sit while she was gone. She asked if we could take her to the airport Monday morning so we decided to just wait to go to Tipitapa then to help save on our gas as the airport is on the way to Tipitapa. Sunday afternoon, Susanna called and said she was going to go with someone else so we decided we would go ahead and come in to CINAFE on Monday morning and work for awhile. We finally left here about 3:15 to head on over to Tipitapa.

Danelia heard our car pull up and came out to meet us. Her eyes filled with tears almost immediately. She said that she had made 3 trips to the hospital in the last week, with the latest being that morning. Monday’s trip was to try to get a good ultrasound test done. It was unsuccessful. It seems that the position they need Kenneth to lie in is also a position that causes him excruciating pain and so they said until he can lie still as they need him to do, then they can’t do the test.

I understand that they need him to lay still. What I don’t understand is why they can’t do something medically to help him do that. Maybe I’m just fixated on trying to alleviate his pain but for professionals in the medical field to be angry and frustrated with a little boy who has been diagnosed with terminal cancer, who is scared and who is crying out in pain and fear just seems wrong to me. But I’m not the only one who feels that way. His mama does, too, and my heart just aches for what she’s going through herself.

The doctors told her during one of the visits last week that they think the tumor is growing much more rapidly now and that it is pressing on the spine and on the intestines. That is one of the reasons he no longer has normal bowel functions. This only complicates things as he is immobile now from the waist down. But they want a good ultrasound to make a correct diagnosis. We all want that.

She told me that she is supposed to take him back to the hospital on Thursday or Friday. One of her brothers who has a car, said he could take them if he goes on Thursday but he can’t help them on Friday. I told her that we could come and get them if they needed to go that day. She told me that they would need to be at the hospital by 7:00 and that she was afraid that was too early for us. I told her not to worry about that…and then, I turned and asked Jim if it was okay, knowing that it would mean we would have to leave our house a little after 5:00 a.m. Jim is a saint, in case you all don’t realize it. He said it was fine.

Danelia told us that one of the doctors told her that he thinks the cancer is spreading further down the leg and that Danelia needs to watch for fever or signs of infection. She was shaking when she told me that Kenneth had started running a low-grade fever that morning and that his feet were swelling. But, she said that he didn’t seem to be having any pain. She expressed even more concern that she couldn’t get him to eat anything. The doctors had simply said to bring him back Thursday or Friday.

Danelia said she was scared. She said that she knows that God wants her to continue to trust Him. As so often happens these days, I joined her in her tears. I agreed that God wants that from all of His children. I also told her that God knows that we love our children and He understands her fear.

She said that she has decided that if they want to put Kenneth in the hospital, that she is almost ready to let them do that just so he will be more comfortable. She can’t bear seeing him in pain and trying to lift him and carry him without causing him pain is becoming more and more difficult. She is so torn as to what to do. She hates the hospital environment and I don’t blame her. Kenneth hates it too. It’s not a comforting place to be. But she knows that he can get care there that she can’t give him and that they can help keep him nourished.

She knows she would have to stay with him 24 hours a day there which would also mean that she couldn’t be at home with Lindsay. Neither could Arturo as he works 12 hours a day, 6 days a week and sometimes more. Lindsay would have to stay with Danelia’s mother and no one wants that as Lindsay does not do well being apart from her mama. Danelia’s mother has her own health issues plus she isn’t a very affectionate individual.

Life is scary right now for the rest of the family but it is also very unsettling for Lindsay…she understands enough to understand that Kenneth is really sick but I don’t know that she really grasps the entirety or the severity of the situation. She does understand that whatever is happening with Kenneth is bad as it makes her mama and papa cry when they think no one sees them. She has whispered to me before that “mama was crying this morning”. Danelia knows that being separated again from Lindsay would only add to both their anxieties.

As Jim and I stood and listened to Danelia, I so badly wanted to give such wonderful and profound words of wisdom and comfort & all I could do was cry with her. It was and is such a helpless feeling. I looked around as we stood at the broken down fence that acts as their gate. The dust swirled as the wind blew across their rutted dirt road. The rusty, hole-ridden piece of zinc that she had put across the front window of the school to keep the sun out looked even more sad and dilapidated as it sat tilted at a precarious angle. Celeste and Genesis, little girls who live a few houses down the street and are students at Rayitas de Luz, stood silently and somberly, watching us as we both had tears roll down our cheeks. The whole thing just seemed surreal as like conversations have so many times before.

We both wiped our faces in preparation to go in to see Kenneth. He isn’t unaware of what’s happening to him but neither of us want him to have to see “doom and gloom” faces all the time. She said she had moved him out to the school room as it was cooler and he could rest better out there. She said he was playing music...there’s not much else for him to do. He can’t get down on the ground and play with his toys. I know it’s difficult for him to hear the other children out running and playing when he can’t even move his legs of his own volition.

I walked in, expecting to see him lying down on the table that had often served as a makeshift bed before we gave the kids bunkbeds. I was surprised to see him sitting up and looking pretty good. He was in his wheelchair with his feet propped up on a pillow in another chair. He had a small guitar in his hands...someone had given it to Arturo to give to Kenneth. He greeted us with a smile and I asked him how he was. “Bien”. Fine. That was good. The last few visits had garnered the response of, “Un poco mal. A little bad.

I touched his bare feet. I was struck by two things. They were terribly swollen and they were spotlessly clean. Clean feet on children in Nicaragua are a novelty. But seeing these clean feet were more than a curiosity to be glanced at…they were visible signs of a little boy who can no longer live the life a little boy should be able to live. He can no longer walk to the bathroom, pedal his bicycle, run to the dirt mound and jump off, kick a soccer ball, climb in and out of his bed. The sight of those clean, bare feet stabbed at my heart.

There were two other things I noticed when I touched Kenneth’s feet. First of all, that he didn’t react. I touched lightly because I wasn’t sure if my touch would be painful to him or not. He didn’t even twitch. Maybe my feet are just very sensitive but if someone touches them with a lot of pressure or with little, I move. Kenneth’s feet remained absolutely still.

The other thing I noticed was that while both feet were swollen, the right one was noticeably larger and it was quite feverish. The heat ran up his entire right leg. The toes on his left foot were cold to the touch although from his ankle up, it became progressively warmer. I was hoping that was due to his feet being elevated. I asked Kenneth if he had any pain and he said no. But he was still dealing with the incessant itching on his back and around his waist. We were thankful that he was having a pain-free day regardless the reason.

I asked him if he knew how to play the guitar. He shyly shook his head no. I told him that I didn’t know either and I wanted him to try to play something for me. He grinned but again, shook his head no. We began talking about music, toys and cars. Boy talk. He would answer my questions but didn’t seem to want to talk much. Danelia had gone in to the house to sweep and to some things while we were there to sit with Kenneth. I realized how difficult just even doing her daily chores must have become with trying to balance a day full of housework and taking care of a sick little boy.

I asked Kenneth if he could choose anything in the whole world he would like to eat, what would it be? He shrugged his shoulders. I asked him, “Un elefante?” An elephant? He grinned and shook his head no. “Que?” What? I asked this almost with trepidation…what if he told me something that I couldn’t get for him? He smiled and said very softly, “Carne asada.” Grilled meat. “Carne asada? Le gusta?” Grilled meat – do you like it? He slightly nodded his head yes, still smiling. I asked him if I got him carne asada, would he try to eat some of it. His head nod was much larger this time.

About that time, Bayron, the little boy next door and Kenneth’s best friend, came over. He is very affectionate with me and will often pick flowers from whosever bush he can get them from or make me flowers from bits and pieces of things he finds and give them to me. But even when he doesn’t come bearing gifts, he always has a hug...which is of the gift I love most. I miss getting those hugs from my grandkids.

I have to laugh at how Bayron is with me. He sometimes will sit next to me and will just play with my fingernails as he is fascinated (as are most kids) with longer nails. Women in his barrio don’t have long nails as they wash clothes by hand on a concrete pila which would negate the thought of any kind of manicured hand. He will turn my fingers this way and that and closely examine my skin. He always tells me how “white” my hands are.

Or if he’s standing next to my chair, he will mindlessly play with my hair…he loves the silver in it. Silver sounds better than gray. Regardless how it’s defined, Bayron finds it very interesting and will twirl it around his fingers or try to separate the few remaining brown strands from the rest. I’m sure I must look quite a mess when he’s doing this but honestly, I gave up worrying a long time ago about being “put together” here. It’s no longer important to me but I do admit that I’ve wondered at times how much dirtier my hair is returning home from Tipitapa than when I arrive there.

Bayron is another little boy that we’ve been able to help some with medications. He suffers with terrible headaches and has been diagnosed with lesions on the brain as a result of being beaten by his father when he was small. He’s a terribly sweet little boy with a wonderful smile and he loves to teach me new Spanish words. He’s much more comfortable with women than men, which is understandable due to his home life. But I often worry about Bayron and his future. I’m glad he’s a student at Rayitas de Luz.

Danelia came out to see if we would stay with Kenneth while she went to get Lindsay from church. We told her we would and I asked her where close by that we could go buy carne asada. She said that there was a place but that it wasn’t safe for us to go there and that she could go get it for us. I asked her how much it was and she told me. I got in my purse and gave her enough money to buy carne asada for all of them and told her that was what I wanted her to do. She protested saying it was too expensive. I told her that if Kenneth would eat some of it then it was worth every penny. She gave me a nod, a smile and teary thank-you and tucked the money inside the waist band of her skirt and left to go get Lindsay.

Bayron and Kenneth are best buddies. Kenneth was the one who often looked after Bayron in the neighborhood and now, Bayron takes care of Kenneth. Kenneth’s countenance brightened measurably when Bayron came over. Bayron began digging in the old rice sack that serves as Kenneth and Lindsay’s toy “chest”, obviously searching for something. He pulled out ratty looking Barbies and well worn stuffed animals, cars with chipped paint or missing parts. Kenneth watched as each toy was pulled and would name the ones that we had given him. Not a one could qualify as “gently used”. Jim and I looked at each other and smiled. We were glad that he had enjoyed his toys so much.

Finally, Bayron found the little bag of Hot Wheels that he was looking for and gave it to Kenneth.  Bayron set up the little Hot Wheels stunt track that we had given Kenneth last year and Kenneth would choose which car was going to go down the track and when to let it go. Bayron played for Kenneth and Kenneth seemed to be as involved in the process as he could.  Before long, two other boys who looked to be about 6 and 8 years old and their mother came by to also visit with Kenneth and Danelia. She told me they attend the same church as Danelia and that she wanted to come visit with her for awhile. The two little boys joined in playing and we watched as the four of them laughed and talked about the stunt track and cars.

Shortly after that, Danelia and Lindsay returned. Lindsay quickly scrambled up on my lap for hugs and tickles. The boys continued to play and Danelia and her friend were talking. I thought for a minute how normal everything seemed…and then I saw Kenneth, sitting in his wheelchair and looking down wistfully at his friends playing with his toys and I realized how “not normal” it all was…and just how quickly this new “not normal” had become “normal”.

It was getting dark and we needed to go. We still had to stop by Miguel’s house to check on them. I treasure the time we got to spend with Kenneth “babysitting”. He’s so precious to us. It was a quiet ride home. We continue to pray God’s will be done in this situation. The words are easy to pray…the reality of how that may play out is much harder to face.

Un poco mal...

Move #24 is in process. I’m supposed to be packing but thought I would take a few minutes to try to recap the last few weeks for you. Moving seems to have dominated our life this past month. How many times have I said “I hate moving!”? If you ignore the times before I was verbal, I would guess at least 20. This move is no different.

We are once again almost in a state of limbo. We have to wait until our neighbors move out for us to move in. And I say that with such mixed emotions…I love our neighbors and I don’t want to see them move. I would almost be willing to stay where we are if they would decide to stay here…but the lure of much-longed-for family and the American way of life has won out and they will be leaving Nicaragua very soon. We anticipate being able to start moving in to their place in the next day or so and hopefully, that won’t take much more than two days to get everything moved and then, I am going to start the “nesting” process all over again. I don’t know how birds do it!

After living here for a month, we have learned somewhat the things we can “work in” to our smaller accommodations and those we will have to let go. I’m afraid the freezers are going to have to go. The old upright is currently serving as a shelving unit in the bodega (the enclosed open-air laundry room) and the chest freezer that I love is currently occupying too much of my precious kitchen space. Both are going to have to find other homes. We have talked about getting one of those really tiny little chest freezers just so that we can keep ice on hand and the occasional frozen foods that go on sale, but that’s a conversation to be continued on another day.

Let’s see…we just had company for a week. Sadie (our youngest daughter), Marc (her fiancé) and Brittni (Sadie’s friend from vet school) came to spend Thanksgiving with us and we had a very busy week. We made three trips to Tipitapa which is what I want to share with you today. We went once for Saturday English class (with 28 in attendance!), once to attend Kenneth’s little sister’s (Lindsay’s) graduation from preschool in to primary school (a 3 hour event!) and once for Lindsay’s 6th birthday party. Actually, our family took care of putting on the party, supplying the piñata, gifts, cake, soda, balloons, etc. but we had it at the Rayitas de Luz school inviting the neighborhood kids. Lindsay loved it! She was dressed in a princess outfit and she played the part to the hilt…she loved being the center of attention.

It has been difficult of late for Lindsay. She is finally old enough that she is very aware of the fact that Kenneth often receives more attention than she does and even though Kenneth’s cancer demands that attention, it’s still hard for a little six-year old girl to try to process what all of that really means. Rarely does she say anything, but Lindsay has become acutely aware of how she is impacted by Kenneth’s cancer and her child-like frustration became evident the past few weeks.

Two weeks ago, when it was time to have school pictures taken, Lindsay didn’t get hers because that was money that was needed to take Kenneth in a taxi to the hospital…he can no longer walk to get on the bus. We didn’t find this out until after school pictures. We have taken pictures for the family to have but it’s not the same. Lindsay was happy and her parents were very grateful but all recognized the fact that Lindsay appeared to be the obvious one who had to make a sacrifice.

Also, Lindsay was told she was going to have to miss out on her graduation as the family had no way of going and taking Kenneth. The three block walk would have been over badly rutted dirt roads and it would have been too difficult trying to push Kenneth’s wheelchair…the pain would have just been too much for him. Even though Lindsay understood why, her disappointment at missing her graduation was very evident in her tears. Thankfully, we found this out the day before and we were able to juggle some things around so that we could get everyone, including Kenneth, to the school on Sunday for the big event. We were even able to get Lindsay some new shoes to wear as her old school shoes had holes in them. I don’t know who was happier that day, Lindsay or her parents.

The other big looming disappointment was the birthday party. Danelia had told Lindsay that they just couldn’t do a birthday party for her this year as all their extra money was going to transportation and medicines plus various other items for Kenneth. That’s when the tears also were accompanied with the accusatory “why’s”. Why did Kenneth get a big party for his birthday and she couldn’t have one? Why could Kenneth have a piñata but she couldn’t?...plus, I’m sure, a litany of other questions.

We were there for part of that and seeing the tears in Arturo’s eyes as he tried to explain the adult answers to a child’s questions in terms that she could understand, was enough for me. That’s when I knew that we were going to do a party for Lindsay. Here’s the part that I want to reiterate to you…we couldn’t be helping pay for taxis, buy medicines, food, shoes, pictures and birthday party supplies without you. Jim and I feel so privileged to witness the impact you make on the lives of so many people here…I wish you could see it first hand for yourself.

Now, I’ve mentioned Kenneth a lot but haven’t directly addressed where he is right now with his cancer. If you read my Facebook entries, you already know. If you don’t, I will give you a quick rundown. Kenneth’s pain in his legs and lower back has progressed to the point he can no longer walk. After various x-rays and sonograms, his pediatric oncologists said that the tumor in his pelvis is beginning to grow again and is now pressing on nerves. His bowels are no longer working as they should which has added another dimension to Kenneth’s care. This is due in part to his medication and in part to now being immobile. We are continuing to seek ways to help Danelia cope with this latest development. He continues to battle pain and nausea and both have caused a decrease in his appetite.

The pain medication is obviously a double-edged sword. It does help in keeping Kenneth’s pain somewhat manageable but it is loaded with side effects and taking it in conjunction with his latest round of cancer meds has opened up a whole new world of challenges along with the things I just mentioned. He has an itchy rash now that he mindlessly scratches until raw. I always fear infection and check his rashes every time I’m there. He’s often either very lethargic or the other extreme of being very agitated and short-tempered. His frustration with being held prisoner by legs that no longer work and pain that makes its presence known takes form in unpredictable mood swings. Kenneth still tries on occasion to give me his sweet smile but more and more, when I ask him how he feels, the smile no longer appears and he answers with “un poco mal”…a little bad. That is devastating to hear coming from him. He says a little bad but it’s obvious he is in pain.

Kenneth’s prognosis now? According to the doctors, there is no hope. According to God, there is always hope. And so we do. Our hope is in Christ, as is Danelia’s and is Kenneth’s. I know God has put this family in our lives for a reason and I don’t want to waste or trivialize one moment of what they are teaching us. These latest developments with Kenneth have come much sooner than we had thought. We were all on board when Kenneth seemed to be in remission and the doctors said the tumors were no longer visible in his chest. We all tried to ignore the “inconclusives” that we kept getting on so many of his tests. We all kept hoping that the leg pain that had returned was due to over-exertion from playing too hard or riding his bike on those bumpy roads. Even the doctors wanted to look for bladder infections and kidney infections to explain away the back pain. But that doesn’t seem to be how the book on Kenneth’s life has been written by his Author. Right now, I’m not sure how I feel about all of this. I guess I would have to say, like Kenneth, “un poco mal” and trust God with my own pain.

Oops!

Okay...somehow, things didn't post as I had planned.  So, regarding the posts below about our move...The Move is the first part and then The Move - Part 2 is posted right below it.  Hope you can figure it out...but I'm thinking it's going to be much simpler for you to get it right reading it than it was for me trying to get it posted!  Sorry!

The Move...

NOTE: I wrote this on Wednesday, November 3, 2010 but then we lost our internet capabilities and am just now getting it posted. So…here’s a quick update even before you read the blog…which is probably a little like putting the cart before the horse…but we now have internet, hot water in the showers and the stove is hooked up. Now…you can step back to last week and what I have just written will make more sense after reading the following blog.

It’s time for me to catch everyone up on what’s been happening here. Life has been very busy for us since our return from the States…it was hectic when we left but it has been crazy since we returned. I’ll try to bring you up to speed.

Tipitapa: The foreman of the construction project at the school in Tipitapa has been down for almost 2 months now with shingles plus some other infirmity and is in a lot of pain. Not only is that a problem for him, but it has been a problem for us. We had waited hoping that Adrian would be well enough to return but it looked like that wasn’t going to happen for some time to come. Danelia and her family knew that we wanted to get back on track so several weeks so she asked her brother Anibal to take over the completion of the project. That was almost one and a half weeks ago but we had a sudden change of plans and didn’t get to go to Tipitapa last weekend, so we don’t know if there’s been any more progress or not. I’ll explain our change of plans later.

Kenneth: Kenneth needs your prayers again. He has been experiencing an increasing amount of pain in his lower back and left leg over the last few weeks and when we were there last, he was unable to walk without assistance. Jim had to almost carry him to his seat in the classroom because he didn’t want to miss out on our English class. His face was etched with pain but he still managed his sweet smile when asked how he was. This is so heartbreaking to see. After class and when most of the children had left, I sat down next to him and asked how he was feeling. He said in a very soft voice so that the other children playing nearby couldn’t hear, that his leg hurt. I thought I was going to cry right then. Those tears came later.

After the remaining group of kids got busy playing, Jim and Arturo sat down and began to talk about the construction project. Since they were right by Kenneth and could attend to him if he needed something, Danelia and I moved our chairs out back of her house where her outdoor kitchen once stood…it is still a mess from the construction, but it was a shady place to sit and it offered us some privacy to be able to talk…although “privacy” as we know it seems to be a foreign concept here. Danelia began telling me that in the past week, Kenneth had lost his appetite and was not wanting to eat and that he was having trouble using the bathroom. She said he would wake up crying at night due to the pain and that it was so hard to see him suffer like that. That’s when my tears joined with Danelia’s. Her fear and frustration were contagious and for a little while, all talking stopped and we simply just sat and cried together. We both agreed that sometimes, that seems to be all we can do.

Once the tears had lessened, we then began to have the same conversation we have had so many times before…that God has a plan, that we have to hold fast to our faith, that He is sovereign over all and that our responsibilities as Christians do not change even though our circumstances might. I don’t know if it was the fact we had cried ourselves out for the time being or if it was the fact that we were putting voice to the truth, but either way, we both began to gradually feel God’s peace coming over us. He is faithful to be our Comforter just as He had promised.

Our time ended with me praying with Danelia. Usually, she asks only for prayers for Kenneth but this time she asked that I would also pray that God would strengthen her faith for the coming days. She said she wanted to be strong and accept with grace everything that God was going to bring to them because she knew that the neighborhood was watching. There is so much superstition about illnesses that still exists here and Danelia has had to suffer accusations of unconfessed sin and even being aligned with Satan. She knows all too well the importance of showing Christ regardless the situation. It’s just that the possibility of losing Kenneth is a situation of far greater magnitude than hurt feelings from thoughtless words thrown by uneducated neighbors. And Danelia knows this is a walk that she cannot make without the hand of her Savior leading her. I think right now that she wants the strength to hold His hand as tightly as He is holding hers.

Kenneth had several more appointments and had additional testing done this week at two different hospitals here in Managua, but it appears that the doctors are still guessing as to what is causing this increased pain in Kenneth. They have given several possibilities…kidney infection, bladder infection, strained muscles and finally, the one we all were dreading to hear…the possibility of a tumor. They gave an antibiotic and an anti-inflammatory along with more pain medicine and said that they wanted to wait and see if it was just an infection or inflammation of either the bladder or kidney. If he’s not better next week, they said they want to do more testing. I don’t know what else they really can do.

I struggle so much with the lack of good medical care here for the poor. The doctors do their best but so much of the equipment is old and outdated and often is not working properly. I’m also not so keen on many of their methods for treatment. The words “hope”, “encourage” and “faith” are rarely heard and if someone is to utilize any one of those, they are going to have to do it on their own without assistance from the medical world. So…once again, I am asking you and all your believing friends for prayers for Kenneth. Please help us in carrying this need before our Great Physician. Our flesh desires healing but the Spirit in us reminds us that we are to pray for God’s will to be done. I’m praying they are one and the same.

CINAFE: We came back to lots of challenges at CINAFE. Some of the children had been acting out while we were gone and things had risen to a higher level of chaos than that which normally occurs with 15 children living together. We were bombarded with problems when we drove through the gate and it seems as though life is just now starting to return to normal there. Well, as normal as it can be when we’re also in the middle of trying to put on 3 different quinceañeras at the same time for girls at CINAFE…it’s like trying to put on 3 simultaneous wedding but for girls who will be turning 15 years old! That’s a lot of hormonal activity to deal with, believe me! The grand event is this Saturday afternoon and I’m sure all of the adults at CINAFE are going to join us in one gigantic sigh of relief when Sunday finally comes!

The most recent “big news” for us personally has been our unplanned move to a temporary place this past weekend. Without a doubt, this is a story of God’s Hand of provision and protection. You know we’ve been tossing around the idea of moving for awhile now and we had come to the decision we would do so at the end of November, when things had calmed down some for us at CINAFE and in Tipitapa. But God’s timeframe proved to be different than ours. I hope I don’t confuse you with all the different names in the following. If you have followed our time here, most of them will already be familiar to you.

On Wednesday (the day before we had planned to give our 30 days notice to our landlady), when we came to work at CINAFE, Felix (our old day guard who now works at CINAFE) asked if he could speak with Jim and me. I asked him to wait just a few minutes while we got settled in and then honestly, I got busy and totally forgot all about talking with him. Sometime later, Felix appeared at the screen door to our office, acting very nervous and he had a very serious look on his face. I invited him in and apologized for not speaking with him sooner. He said he had something important to tell us. At the time, I wondered if he was not happy at CINAFE and was going to quit. But, his news had nothing to do with CINAFE.

Felix said that the day before, he had gone to a neighborhood right next to ours to pick up his wife’s pay for the ironing she had done that week. He always goes to picks it up or goes to meet Blanca so that she does not have to ride the bus by herself with a “large amount” of money. While in that neighborhood, Felix was talking with one of the security guards who knew he used to work for “gringos”. That guard warned Felix that Eddie, one of our former night guards who has been implicated in several prior robberies in our neighborhood, and a friend of Eddie’s, were planning on committing an armed robbery of our place that next Saturday…just a few days away. The guard said that Eddie would often come by and talk to him and that he probably didn’t realize that this guard also knew Felix.

The guard said that Eddie knew that we are gone every Saturday to Tipitapa and that he and his friend would have only our new day guard (Miguel, our friend from Tipitapa) with whom to contend. Eddie had told the guard he was talking with exactly where on the wall they were going to get in and that they would have the gun with them in case they had any trouble. The guard knew that Eddie was thought to be the one who had committed the other armed robberies in our neighborhood but didn’t want to call the police because he thinks Eddie is too dangerous. After all, Eddie carries a gun and most of the police don’t. Actually, sad as it is, that’s pretty good reasoning. The police are generally only effective if you cross a solid line while driving or if you don’t stop before crossing a line…of which neither apparently need to be visible to the naked eye. But I digress.

Felix took the news from the guard very seriously as he also knows Eddie. When he was sharing all of this with us, his hands were shaking. He said that three other security guards in our neighborhood were friends with Eddie and that they had covered for him when the police would come looking for him. He was fearful that if Eddie tried to do something that no one would do anything to stop him. He also asked us not to say anything about him warning us as he did not want Eddie coming after his family as retribution.

Jim and I just sat there stunned at the news. Felix said we needed more guards and maybe even guards with their own guns. At that, I snapped to and immediately said, “No! No guns!” Felix normally will be quiet if I contradict him in some way, but not this time. He then said that he had an uncle who was a police man and he would call him and see if he or some of his police friends could help us. I smiled at Felix and told him that I didn’t want to involve his family and thanked him for the offer. But honestly, I didn’t want to take a chance on bringing a fox in to the hen house, so to speak. Felix then said that he would come back to work for us on his days off from CINAFE until we could move at the end of November. Another offer that was appreciated but not at all practical – for him or us. In between his various offers of solutions, he kept saying very emphatically, “Doña Lynne, it is dangerous for you and Don Jim to stay there anymore.”

I looked at him long and hard and knew that he was right although I didn’t want to admit it. Even if we were able to defer Eddie this time, the neighborhood has changed so much this past year with so many negative things happening that it would just be a matter of time until someone, if not Eddie, would break in and we would once again lose our electronics or worse, someone might get hurt. I couldn’t bear the thought of that. But neither could I bear thinking about the fact that our only good option was to move up our moving date to the next few days. I wasn’t emotionally prepared for that and all that I knew it would entail and I could feel my eyes filling up with tears.

I looked at Jim and asked, “What are we going to do?” I wanted him to tell me it was going to be all right and that Felix was over-reacting. Instead, he said, “I think we need to leave.” That’s all it took for the dam of tears to break. Jim immediately said, “We’re going to be okay,” and Felix said, “I am sorry, Doña Lynne but you need to be safe.” Both of them thought it was the threat of a possible armed robbery facing us that brought those tears. But it was more than that. It was the fact that I wasn’t ready yet to move. I wanted to pack on my terms, I wanted to leave on my terms and I wanted to love on my animals for another month…on my terms. Sitting very still and listening to Jim and Felix tell me again for the umpteenth time that it was the best thing for us to do, I realized I had no terms. 

I know this is long. So to keep it from becoming even longer, I’ve divided it up in to 2 blogs. Obviously, you know we are okay or you wouldn’t be reading this, right? So, that may be enough for you. If you want to follow the next few emotion-packed and exhausting days after we had that bombshell dropped on us, you can read it in the blog above.

The Move...Part 2...

NOTE: I wrote this second part about our move also on Wednesday, November 3, 2010 but then we lost our internet capabilities and I am just now getting it posted. For chronological posting, read the blog below first. 

I love different houses, I love decorating, I love “nesting”…I’m not so crazy about moving. I had told Mandy that I had moved 18 times in my life. I was wrong. I had forgotten several moves when I was a baby and a couple during my college years but after writing down each move, and including the upcoming move at the end of this month, I will have moved 24 times. That’s too many times for someone who yearns to be “planted”.

When I had talked about this with Mandy & Jim while we were Stateside, I said then that I wondered if Sarai ever cried out to Abram…”I just want to settle somewhere! I want to put down roots!” If so, I think I understand a little of what she might have felt. My hat is off to any woman who had or has to live a Bedouin lifestyle. Maybe God keeps moving me so that when that day comes that I get to my “mansion” in heaven, I’ll know I am finally home and I can settle in for good.

By Wednesday afternoon, Move #23 was just a few hours away. After Felix left the office and I got most of my crying out of my system for the time being, Jim and I sat and discussed all of our options. We came to the conclusion that moving early really was the “best” choice of all the lousy ones that we had before us.

Our first call was to David and Sherah, the couple whose condo we will be moving into the end of this month. We wanted David to contact the landlord at Quinta Allyson (the gated complex where they live) and ask if they had a unit available. He told us to come right over and we could go talk to the landlord. When we got there, the landlord wasn’t there but his sister was and she said there were two empty units that had just come available. David had already told her that we would be moving in to their unit at the end of the month and so she said that she would allow us to just go ahead and rent a place for the same month’s rent that our monthly rent will be in the new place. Typically, they charge several hundred dollars more per month for renting a place for any time frame less than a year. She told us to come back the next day at noon and they would have the unit cleaned and ready to go and we could sign the contract.

The next phone call was to Susanna to see if she would accompany us to act as a translator for our visit with Doña Sara – our landlady. That was a visit none of us were looking forward to making. Susanna has dealt with her in the past and I think she was dreading it as much as we were. And, the visit was almost as unpleasant as I had feared. Doña Sara immediately was very unhappy that we were moving and let us know that she was going to keep every penny of our last month’s rent and our deposit. She said it was a terrible time of year to try and rent the house and that she needed more time to do so. She felt we were being very inconsiderate even though we had explained why we were leaving on such short notice.

Her son, who is a Harvard educated lawyer and speaks English, was also at the meeting. He was sympathetic to our reasons for wanting to move but deferred to his mother at every turn. They both impressed upon us that if it was just the security issue that was prompting us to leave that they had friends who were government officials very high up in the government and that they could help us with protection. We thanked them but said that we thought that it was best that we go ahead and move. That’s the last thing we need at this point is to get involved in owing favors to someone in the government here.

Obviously, Doña Sara is used to getting her way and so she tried another tactic. She said she would drop the rent by $125 a month and we could use that money to help pay for 24 hour armed security but we would have to sign a contract to stay two more years. My “No” wasn’t just clear, it was adamantly clear. And even though I was very respectful when I said it, I’m sure that didn’t help our case any.

By the end of our meeting, Doña Sara would not allow us to have our last month’s rent back because we did not give her 30 days notice that we were leaving (which was true, reasons why aside) and our deposit was also hanging in the balance depending on how her “walk-through” of the house came out. She said that she would be at the house at 12:30 on Monday afternoon to do the final inspection. She stressed that in order to get our deposit back that the house must be in the same condition in was in when we moved in. We should have known this was a set-up statement. She has not been honest from the get-go. I was sick. We needed that money to help soften the blow of the upcoming move.

After the afternoon of meetings, we returned home to begin packing. Susanna came over for a couple of hours and she got my dishes and books packed up before she had to leave. I began packing all up our bedroom and office things while Jim started in the spare bedroom closet. We both were staying very focused on the tasks at hand and tried not to talk about what to us was the elephant in the room… our pets - Xander, our much-loved dog and our cats, Skits and Snoops.

Jim and I made the decision to not tell our families or friends what was happening. We knew they would only worry and we didn’t want to burden them with that. But I felt that we needed to let someone know so that night, I called Jackie, our Missions Director at our home church, First Baptist in Cassville. I knew we would be out of touch for the next few days and I also wanted someone to be praying protection not only for us, but for our employees as well. I explained the situation and she encouraged us saying that we were making the right decision in going ahead and moving. She let me share my concerns but continued to tell me that what we were doing was the right thing and then she prayed with us. I want you to know that was a cherished prayer. I can’t even imagine what my life would be like today without the prayers of godly people like Jackie Hendrix.

Xander sensed that something was wrong and he was very agitated and nervous, staying under my feet practically every step of the way. He knows he’s not supposed to be on the bed and he kept putting his front paws upon the bed and stretching the top half of his body across it. Telling him to get down did no good. I would have to stop what I was doing, walk over to the bed and physically lift him off. Normally, if I would have done that, he would have wanted to wrestle and play, but that night, he just wanted to be loved on. I don’t know how many tears covered his coat that night.

Thursday, we began packing again. Susanna returned mid-morning and we loaded up her car, our car and the borrowed pick-up of our friends in Ohio, Karen and Dwane and headed over to Quinta Allyson so that we could hand over a hefty sum of money and sign a year’s commitment to rent. The list of rules and regulations covers a full page but what I kept reminding myself was that it would be a safer place for us to live than where we were. When Rafael, our new landlord, spoke about having pets, I could feel a lump rise up in my throat. We then drove on over to our new “home” for the next month. It turns out that the unit is right next door to the one we will be moving in to so at least the next move won’t be far and won’t require so much packing and unpacking.

Jim and I spent the rest of the day Thursday filling action packers, suitcases, boxes and totes. We made several trips over to the new condo and by that night, we were beat. It didn’t seem like we were making much headway. Where, when, how and why did we get all that “stuff”??? I realized how imprinted we are with being Americans. We love our “stuff”…it brings us comfort and makes us feel secure. Moving to a smaller place which will not comfortably accommodate all that “stuff” is definitely going to force us to pare down some and that’s not a bad thing at all.

Doña Sara’s brother came by and tacked up a “For Rent” sign on the place. All the neighbors, on our street and behind us, were well aware that we were moving and the security guards in the neighborhood watched our comings and goings with great interest. We wondered if word would reach Eddie. That was our last night to sleep in the house. It was a fitful night. I wish I could say I slept well in the condo but I didn’t. My mind was too filled with things to think about.

Friday morning was clear and the view was stunning. I thanked God for allowing me to enjoy that beautiful view one more time from my favorite spot on the deck. Skits was rubbing against my leg and Xander was pawing at him trying to get him to play. It was a moment I wanted to last forever. My heart hurt every time I thought about not having them with me anymore. But there wasn’t time to dwell upon that for too long. It was the day to move the big “stuff”…all the furniture.

Felix took a vacation day from work so that he could join Freddy in helping us move. The boys worked like machines, stopping only to eat lunch. Friday night, when we were through moving for the day, it was decided that Felix would go ahead and take Xander home with him that night. None of us wanted to take the chance of Eddie coming by at night and possibly hurting him. I knew I couldn’t go say good-bye to him and I cried like a baby when Jim, Freddy and Felix left the condo to go pick Xander up to take him to his new home. It was a very sad night at our place.

Saturday came and Miguel, Freddy and Felix met us at the house. No one said anything about Eddie that morning but I am sure he crossed everyone’s mind at some point. Jim had to go take care of some business at CINAFE and I continued to pack things up while the boys loaded the car. Right after Jim left, he called telling me that he had seen Eddie next door at the neighbor’s house. He warned me to be careful and to tell the guys that he was next door. I did and from that point on, they wouldn’t let me out of their sight. I couldn’t even go downstairs to the basement without one of them coming with me. It was really quite touching that they were so committed to making sure I was going to be safe.

Evidently, Eddie must have had second thoughts about trying to rob what was obviously an almost empty house. He hung around for most of the day next door and then left right before the guys made their final trip for the day. It was almost an anticlimactic end to the day but not a disappointing one, that’s for sure. We don’t know if Eddie had planned on doing anything or not and I don’t suppose we will ever know. What we do know is that God protected us, our employees and our animals and that’s what mattered.

So, in summary. Doña Sara refunded our deposit but not our last month’s rent. Xander is now living with Felix and I have yet gotten to the point I can talk about him without crying. Skits and Snoops were left behind after much prayer and discussion. They started out as wild kitties and they retain much of that in their personalities. Snoops is a good hunter and Skits can hunt if he has to do so. They are best buddies and brothers – they need to be together and both are outdoor cats. They know their area and there are places for them to find shelter. We are gone most of the time during the day and neither would do well locked up in a condo all day without anyone here with them. I believe it was the right decision albeit a painful one. More tears. I do believe I have cried more in the last two and a half years here than I have in the previous two and a half decades. Maybe it’s because I’ve had to say so many good-byes since God called us to move here. I don’t know.

The temporary condo is serving us well or at least it has in the six days and nights we’ve been here. While it’s true that we don’t yet have internet or television and we’ve been taking cold showers every night (we finally got our hot water “widow makers” installed today), it does seem to be more peaceful here. We have amenities here we would never have had staying in the house. We had a downpour last night and there wasn’t one leak in any of the rooms! The stuff in the open part of the bodega got soaked but that was due to poor arranging, not a poor roof.

My stove still isn’t hooked up but Jim bought the necessary parts today so that may happen tomorrow and I do have just about everything unpacked thanks to late night and early morning hours. Jim went in to CINAFE and I stayed home to get laundry done and to keep unpacking. Margarita came today and cleaned the floors and helped me rearrange the bodega which was really helpful. We’re slowly settling in for as much settling as a person can do while knowing there is another move coming up in less than a month.

There are several things that have really hit home with me this last week. First and foremost is God’s provision for us and His protection over us.

We are also very thankful:

• to have gotten word of the planned robbery with enough time to avert what appeared to be imminent danger

• there are prayer warriors who were faithful to carry our concerns before the Lord for us

• that we were able to borrow Karen & Dwane’s pick-up truck

• that not only was there a place available for us to rent, but it is right next door to where we will be moving…which also enables us to give a month’s trial period to find out what we need to have and what we can get rid of here

• the condo complex appears to be a safe place to live with good neighbors, many of whom are here also serving in missions.

• Doña Sara returned our deposit…it’s not everything we had hoped for but it’s more than we thought she would do

• there are people who aren’t the type to say, “Call me if you need help,” but rather are the type who just show up and help…such a good lesson for us to learn ourselves

• God has placed so many wonderful Nicas in our lives…they far outnumber the few “bad eggs” we’ve encountered

I could go on and on with how God has blessed us…and I don’t think God would mind a bit…but I do think the blog would be even longer than usual so I will stop for now.

Someone asked me this past week if I was ready to move home. I’m assuming they meant back to the States. I have to say that at this moment, the only move I’m looking forward to making is to my Laura Ashley suite in the sky but I would imagine there will a few more earthly ones between now and then!